Episode 7: Fear Series - Processing and Overcoming the Fear of Being Seen

Oct 14

Conversation

Episode 7 Season 3

[00:00:00] The Authentic Calm Podcast, your space to understand your natural sensitivity, why you have it, what to do with it, and how to move through life differently to honor it. Together, we will look at holistic and natural supports. Dive deep into our subconscious, our conditioning, our programming, and learn how to release it, how to step into a new perspective and reframe our life to match who we actually are.

Let's dive in. Hello, my natural sensitive. So good to have you. We are on our last short, in the final episode on the series, Little mini series of Fear. Ugh, and we've had so many good ones. We've talked about the fear of failure. We've talked about the fear of change. We've [00:01:00] talked about the fear of, I'm looking at my notes from the past, fear of uncertainty and apprehension of the unknown.

And lastly, the fear of being wrong was the last short we did, which went a little longer. It wasn't that short . Um, no, I stayed under 30 minutes. That was good. And then today we're gonna talk about the fear of being seen. Oh man, guys, fear of being seen. This is one I talk about the most. I think with my fellow sensitives, specifically my fellow sensitives that are entrepreneurs.

Um, that have big dreams and wanna go out there and, and do big things. And this one is, can be a really big block. So let's use our structure. Why do you, and why do I have a fear of being seen? What have we experienced in the past that has developed and created [00:02:00] this experience? Well, I've got a to. and they're all to do with being on stage in some way also.

Ooh, this one just came in hot cuz I've kind of talked about my. Developed, I'll call 'em light traumas I've experienced through like theater and stage performances and speech competitions and things like that. So I'm gonna share this one that's a little bit quirky. Um, I haven't really, I don't think I've ever talked about this one, so we'll see how this goes.

This is gonna be pretty raw. Growing up, my mom loved to take pictures to capture moments and she like me. Loves nature and loves landscapes and big views, but she always felt like a picture was better when there was a person in it and. I was often the child that was put in it. And this is really, I'm not gonna say it's dumb, but this is, you know, really light thing.

That is a good example [00:03:00] of how someone that's not a natural sensitive wouldn't have had a, a challenge with this or a problem with this. But because I'm naturally sensitive, I think I. This impacted me. So, uh, neither my brother or sister ever wanted to be in the photos. And I was, um, kind of my mom's mini me growing up.

And so I was always like, Sure, yeah, I'll be in the photo, whatever. Um, and over time I felt a bit used. And again, I wanna be clear, that wasn't my mom's intention. She just wanted a nice photo. But I started to feel like I. Have the option to say no. And again, that was my choice. I could have easily said, No, I don't wanna be in the photo.

But going back to a lot of the fears that we've talked about, I didn't wanna be rejected. And again, I never really did it. So I don't know. My mom could have been like, Okay, fine. You [00:04:00] know, Um, but I feared her rejection and so I never said no. That I can recall the majority of the time I'm, I'll say cuz I can't remember exactly, but the majority of the time I always said yes.

And so what developed was this subconscious feeling that my body wasn't my own. And again, this isn't the only one. There was many other things that played into this from many different experiences and different people and all sorts of stuff. So this isn't like the so thing, but it definitely contributed to this feeling.

I didn't get to choose how I wanted to use my body. My body was for others to use, even for things as silly as making a photo better. And it started growing, growing and growing. And I started developing this massive fear of being seen. Because it meant that I'm gonna start diving into the next layer, right?

Of what does this really mean? It meant that my body was susceptible, like my [00:05:00] body was, other people's was in other people's control. So I didn't get to have a say over how my body was used or experienced. And that led to, along with many other things. Big, or I should say it added to the disconnect of me stepping outside of this vessel because of many reasons, and I'll go into the second part of this too, but for this part, I really, really, yeah, developed this fear that I would be rejected.

If I didn't give people my body or didn't use my body as they wanted me to use it, um, whether it was to enhance something or even just to like stand in and do labor for them, or it's, it's an element or layer of people pleasing, right? Um, and I used my body to please people, and I'm not even speaking sexually, like I'm just saying like, We need volunteers for this or we need someone that's willing to do this, or [00:06:00] we need someone to babysit our child.

I mean, I was always, uh, volunteered up without me necessarily even offering. I was often. It was done for me that, Oh, Jesse will do this. Jesse will do that. Jesse can do that. Jesse's the responsible one. Jesse never says No, blah, blah, blah, blah. And again, in all sorts of environments, not just my family life.

And the reason is because I never did say no. I just was like, sure. And I was, you know, raised in a, a Christian culture, um, that basically encouraged that, that you are a good person, you know, you are godly if you, if you serve. Um, and serving how I received it was defined as never saying no and always using any spare moment, um, to serve other people's goals and desires above your own

We're talking about a lot of things here. For me, it came down to that fear of rejection. The memory I'm having with my mom, like [00:07:00] that's a core, like I didn't wanna be rejected by my core caregiver and my mom and I had a really unique, very tight relationship growing up too. So, um, it would've been the ultimate rejection other than like I spoke about another shorts like rejection from my, from my source.

But in many ways, growing up as a child, like my mom was my. To be honest, that thought just came to me. So, you know, when you're a child, that's, that's your understanding and as you grow, it's kind of subconscious. So I think there was just this big fear of rejection. Now I think that's really common, right?

Like, I know I'm not alone in that, That being seen, being, showing up, being vulnerable, um, it's like you're an open target. And people can reject you for numerous things, whether it's how you look, what you say. Um, again, this, this encompasses literally every fear that we've talked about. . Um, if they disagree with you and they think you're wrong, um, if they do something that you didn't expect and you're taken, taken by surprise, you know, great example is a lot [00:08:00] of sensitives are afraid of you.

being in an interview or on a podcast or things that's like that because they'll be asked a question they can't predict and they'll be thrown off. And then there's the fear of failure and the, uh, just, just all of 'em. Right? comes in. So the other piece to this for me, and probably for you when that comes with the fear of being seen is like, what is it really about?

It's also about being overwhelmed. Like what are we feeling in our bodies when we experience all that? Those different kinds of fears that come with being seen. We feel overwhelmed. We feel what I like to call overactivated, our body shaking. Our voice is shaking our nervous systems in full on alarm mode.

Um, we're genuinely scared. And our physical body, which we've talked about in the other shorts, Is a representation of our emotions and a representation. Also, I think of our younger selves, what we stored when we were young. So [00:09:00] Little Jesse, Little you is freaking out and they're letting you and you know, they're letting us know it.

Um, by causing all sorts of heat. And so, you know, I know you've felt this at some point in your life. I've felt it numerous times growing up. Um, I still feel it, uh, when I have these moments of really feeling vulnerable and in being seen is that we almost lose control. Of our bodies, right? So again, it's like this lack of control, this lack of connection to ourselves, and especially if we've been really working on working hard on cultivating and leaning into our body, um, to lose it again is such a big loss.

So the question is, is it worth it? Is being seen worth the possibility of rejection is being seen worth the possibility? Or the likelihood , the in inevitability of having that overwhelm and that body reaction at some level, is it worth it? [00:10:00] And I think that's the part that we really come to, and that's how we start to acknowledge how we feel.

We acknowledge the deeper emotions, the deeper fears, but we can choose both adult and little. You. To step in and move forward. And again, I've said this in the four other episodes, we've gotta comfort the little you, we've got to stabilize a little you to the best of our ability. And that often looks like supporting the body with calming tools, right?

And, and fortifying the adult Jesse by seeing the value of it and also even questioning. That fear of rejection piece, and again, you might have other things that are your deeper fears, but I'm gonna use mine. So like if my deepest fear. I have the fear of being seen and I follow that down. And my deepest fear tied to it is the fear of rejection.

Am I really going to be rejected? Like, [00:11:00] is that actually true? And you know, would other people say that that's what's gonna happen too? , I. And I would choose people that are in your inner circle that either are also natural sensitives or understand you and respect your natural sensitivity, right? Cause you don't wanna have someone, again, speaking into your life that has no real understanding of you and doesn't honor how you feel and, and experience life.

But like, is rejection truly a possibility? Like a valid possibility. Of course, there's always a little bit like the, the concept of the entire experience of being seen is going to result in full rejection from every single person that encounters you or every single thing that is an extension of, of that experience.

Is that true? I can confidently say no. And if it is, then that's clearly not where you're meant to be and what a gift to know that. Ugh, Which I say that lightly, but I know how heavy that is. But, It provides clarity, right? That clearly you were being seen in a space that [00:12:00] wasn't ideal for you or wasn't set up for you.

So lean into those understandings of really questioning, questioning the fear that you have, questioning the rejection of if it's, again, little Jesse just projecting a fear onto a, an adult situation that is not necessarily going to turn out the way it did when you were young. Or is it a true possibility that you need to understand and prepare for and move.

Right. Cause sometimes, again, I'm gonna use human design. For me as a manifestor, the likelihood of being rejected is quite high. And again, if I step into energetically and preparing myself, knowing that that's a possibility, a high possibility, I can weather that storm a little better. Also embracing that, that means that I'm clearing people.

To make space for people that, that do align with what I'm here to do and do love what I have to say and do feel healed and supported by it. Um, so again, there's so much that I can speak into my life cuz I know who I am and if you know who you are, you [00:13:00] can do the same. And as you know, I love human design for that.

Um, I also love many other tools. Okay, so that's the adult Jesse. How do we support Little Jesse? How do we support little you? Let's talk nervous system support. So since this is the biggest one that can cause heightened activation, overwhelm Overactivation is often going to occur while you're being seen.

I was just talking to a client about the ash talking to two clients about this. Um, one of them is an incredible author and. Stepping out and doing podcasts and all sorts of things, and we talked about that experience. Another is an incredible therapist that's just stepping into a big role and is just so amazing.

Both of them are just so amazing. They're doing big things and they're having to embrace. What their body does when they're in front of people, um, whether it's in a podcast or on a stage. And what that typically feels like is like full body shakes, you know, not like a seizure or anything. We've talked about this.

It's just like a, like if you were to hold your hand up in front of you [00:14:00] flat, you would see it. Just shaking and there's like a, a body vibration maybe is the best way to describe it. So the whole body starts to vibrate and you may start to sweat profusely. You may start to feel a rash come forward, um, on the chest or on the face.

I, I turn like beat red when I'm really, really, Feeling this, um, it's not attractive and, uh, your voice as a result may also shake. This would always happen to me when I sang. It would start to, my vibrato would get very strong, let's just say that. Um, so these kinds of things, Are going to happen. And if you know they're gonna happen, there's ways to embrace it.

So one of my favorites actually is, um, Dr. Elaine Aaron, the kind of mother, um, of this whole movement of she created highly sensitive person, did the research around it, wrote the famous book, all of that. I remember, [00:15:00] I forget where I remember reading it, Maybe it was her book, but she would talk about how to this day when she does any sort of, She will preface her talk with.

Preparing her audience for her body's response, she will say, you know, Hi, my name's Dr. Lane Aaron, and you may notice that my voice is quivering. Um, my body's shaking a little bit. I may look a little flushed or whatever. I'm, I'm paraphrasing. I don't remember exactly what she said, so forgive me, Elaine, if you hear this , But something to the extent of describing what her body does and that usually, you know, Continue through at least the first five minutes of my talk.

And then as I get more comfortable, you'll notice that I relax and that that goes away. So I just wanna say this so that no one's alarmed or confused, you know? And the subconscious or the underlying tone is also that I'm, I know what I'm talking about. You know, I'm not like I am an expert and , It's not that I came unprepared or something like this is just.

A normal response. So I always thought that was so [00:16:00] empowering and beautiful because one, you are easing that fear that, you know, people are interpreting what's happening to your body as a negative thing. Um, so you're kind of cutting the tension there. You're also speaking about. What you may consider a shadow or a, a negative, you know, side effect of your natural sensitivity.

And that also eases the tension because people can feel more connected to you because you're being vulnerable and it'll make them, it'll endear them to you. And then thirdly, Speaking it out, releases it from the body, and you're, you're able to consciously move through it and give it less attention because you have your mission in front of you now.

So there's just so much power in that action. So that's one of the biggest things I recommend. But also before and after giving yourself a lot of spacious time, especially let's say it is like you're giving a talk or something, make sure that you block your schedule out so that the day before or the day of and the day after, maybe even multiple days before, or multiple days after you [00:17:00] have.

A really gentle schedule. Um, you're not running around like a crazy rabbit. You are sleeping well, you're eating well, you're meditating, you're doing your reconnection practice, uh, from the method you're, you know, using all the tools in the library. I just, I have to bring that up cuz that's, these are all the things I do.

And then afterwards you do the. You really, really consciously eat well, sleep well. Um, maybe even take naps. Give yourself time to recover even if you feel quote unquote fine, because that will train your body to know that and your subconscious to know that every time I experience something hard, I will have the space to process it and it won't get stuck.

I won't get trapped with those emotions. It'll be released. I'll be safe. I'll be comforted. I'll have a more than luxurious schedule. It'll be easy. I just have to get through this one moment of discomfort. Okay. So building up that trust in yourself by creating that space. Uh, and I can't wait to dive into this deeper.

[00:18:00] I'm gonna share a lot about creating a spacious schedule and, and one of the deeper dive classes that I'm gonna be offering over the next six months and after. So, okay, So physical tools that you can use. Adaptogens are some of my favorite. If you're familiar with those, it's, uh, a certain type of herbal preparation.

And I love rodeo, Rosa. I, I've mentioned this all the time. I just think it's so wonderful for natural sensitives. It really works well. It's not too aggressive, but what it's basically doing is it's mitigating and modulating cortisol response. So in that moment where you have that flush and all that heat and that.

Vibration , um, you're having an extreme cortisol hit, and so if you've taken Ola or maybe even have some on stage with you or at in the podcast interview, you just like pop two or three capsules, can help, but also before and after just keeping that cortisol steady because adaptogens, whether your cortisol is high or low, it's gonna bring it into homeostasis, into balance, into that healthy rhythm.

Healthy flow. So it's [00:19:00] beautiful cuz you can use it. You know, when you experience a high and afterwards, like after your talk or after your experience, when you experience a deep low, um, it can bring you back up. So it really just balances you alpha stem. Oh my gosh, if you guys aren't aware of this one, I've had this tool for a long time and actually a girlfriend of mine just bought one and she's like just falling in love with it and it's been reminding me of like, Oh yeah, that is a really great tool.

I have way too many tools. Sometimes I forget about them. Uh, but this is a really beautiful. Medical device that you can receive. Um, you can go to their website and you do need to get a doctor's approval, but they can actually provide that in a call. And so it's really easy, uh, but you basically use healing currents to calm and soothe, uh, the nervous system specifically through the brain.

So, Look into Alpha Stem, and there's many different devices that do a similar function. I just really like this one because it has a lot of, it has decades of clinical research backed behind it. It's incredibly safe and when you're [00:20:00] playing with the brain and just the way that it works, I, I would wanna make sure that I was using a device in a company that.

Beyond safe and then flower remedies. Let's talk flower remedies. So I actually wrote down four that I love for when you're preparing, That's the thing, This can be a part of your preparation. So you're bringing for the emotions that you want, um, during and after as well. So I might even do like a before and an after remedy

So when you're preparing. Water Violet. We talked about this in our last short. Oh my gosh. Water violet is just the best. Really opens you up, allows you to be sociable, allows you to be vulnerable, allows you to kind of connect with the people. . It's one way to describe it, especially if you're more hermity like me.

You need that. You need to kind of be softer and open. Um, And when you're in your hermit season, it can be challenging to be seen. So this is a really beautiful one to, to bring in. [00:21:00] Walnut is the other one. I would say it is magnificent, um, for providing energetic softness. So the way I describe Walnut is it's like a big, it's like you're putting a big, beautiful bubble around you.

Kind of like Glenda from The Wizard of Oz. Like she has this beautiful bubble around her so that when people that maybe have some intense energy or just really anyone. Comes into contact with you. It's softened. Your empathic nature isn't overwhelmed. Right. Because one of the pieces we talked about with being seen is that, uh, you can be really overwhelmed by the energy of your body's response, but actually, I don't think I did talk about this.

You can be overwhelmed by the energies of everyone in that room or the energy that you're of anyone you're with, So, Hmm. It can act as that beautiful protective. I don't wanna say barrier cuz it doesn't block, but it does soften. It's like , like they're bumping up against the bubble and it's just, it's really slowing down that energetic hit.

So it's not so intense. [00:22:00] Um, it provides a cushion is another good way of describing it. Uh, Serato, we have not talked about Serato. I love Serato. So Serato is first of all, such a beautiful flower. Um, but secondly it tunes you into. It helps you to hear your voice, remember who you are, and not get pulled into other people, so it protects you from picking up on.

The rejection of other people is, is one way to describe it. It also allows you to be sadly, in who you are, so that when you're being seen, you are truly you and you're not being overwhelmed and infiltrated by the emotions, the fears, the pressure, um, the ideas, the opinions, the concepts of other people.

Because as natural senses, we pick up on all those things. And so when we are being seen, especially if it's in a physical, Way you will be hit [00:23:00] with all of that often. So having essences like walnut and Serato to kind of ground you and yourself and keep you, you through the process, um, is, it's just incredibly powerful.

And then the last one of course is MIUs, which since we know the fear, um, MIUs is the one to go to, and it can really provide that courage and that bravery to step out and be seen paired with water violet. That's just a beautiful way to. Oh, get it. To walk on that stage to say yes to that podcast, to, um, gosh, hop on that Instagram story.

Whatever it is that you're trying to do to move your mission, your purpose forward to serve others that requires you to be seen. These are just wonderful tools to support you so, I hope this has been helpful. You guys, once again, this short is not that short . I guess it's shorter than my like hour long ones, but I love you guys.

This has been a [00:24:00] wonderful series. It's been so interesting for me to kind of dive in and share all of my different fears. Thank you for letting me be vulnerable with you. Thank you for being vulnerable with yourself. I hope this just is a catalyst and ignites you to start thinking about the ways that you navigate your own fear and what the true.

Emotion underneath it is, um, and that you feel empowered with some tools. Ugh. I just am so passionate about us becoming healthy. Not because I don't want other people that aren't natural sensitives to not be healthy. I just, I want us to play our role, to play our part in this big beautiful theater of life.

And, um, I. It's gorgeous. You know, it's a gorgeous production and I want us to be able to step into our lead role, uh, or our fellow lead role, and to bring our giftings to others. We have so much to offer and we just hide it away. We hide away who we are because of our fear. So many [00:25:00] different fears, right?

So the more that we can honor who we are, Gently move through our fears and step out courageously. The more beautiful this world will become, the more powerful our impact and the more aligned with our purpose will be. I am so proud of each and every one of you. If you need support, I'm gonna talk about it in the outro , but I love you guys and thank you for tuning in as always.

You are called to live differently, my friend. What is one way that you can honor your natural sensitivity today? Take that one step and if you feel uncertain, hesitant about how to navigate life as a natural sensitive. I have something for you. I've created the authentic calm method, a beautiful platform and resource to create your [00:26:00] healthiest, most whole, authentic self.

We start with layer one of the reconnection. Tuning into the body. Layer two, we dive into your authentic rhythm, how you're meant to eat, sleep, move, be, work, rest, recover. It's so unique to you and it's so critical that you understand that. And lastly, we finish by uncovering the remedies that work best for you.

The tools, tonics and therapies that will optimize your health and give you your capacity back. Alongside all of this, we have the beautiful sensitive circle, a community where you can be seen and known, heard, and understood, where you can share your process as much or as little as you desire. If this intrigues you, the link to join is below.

It is such an honor to have your ear and to share this episode with you. Until we release our next I cheers to your health Avotre Sante.