Episode 42: Celebrating 100 Episodes & Stepping into a New Season & Vision

Conversation

Episode 42 Season 3

Are you conscious of the slightest subtleties in others? Are you a lover of quiet downtime? Are you attuned to the details of your environment? Are you most at peace when there is no pressure? And are you deeply affected by nature, music, stories, food, and other forms of art? And have you also been this way for as long as you can?

If yes, then it's quite possible that you are a Natural Sensitive, like me, commonly referred to as a highly sensitive person. A Natural Sensitive is simply someone whose sensitivity is innate, healthy, and a gift to everyone it touches. Welcome to the Naturally Sensitive podcast, a show for the holistically minded, natural sensitive.

Here we talk all things sensitive and natural. My name is Jessi Michel Agadoni, and I am your naturally sensitive health guide and. My purpose in this lifetime is to help you cultivate a beautiful, rich life void of constant overwhelm, anxiety, depression, autoimmunity, or any other imbalance that could prevent you from having the impact I believe you are called to have on this world, my functional healthcare practice, me floor wellness, and my unique method teaches Natural Sensitives like you, how to build sustainable health by honoring their natural sensitivity. I created this space as a free resource to share what I've learned through my own life, and also had the honor of witnessing in the lives of my sensitive clients. I do this because I truly believe that if all Natural Sensitives have the support to live as their unique body's request, this world could be a much more beautiful and peaceful place.

So today we will take yet another step towards creating this healing reality together. Let's dive in.

Jessi Michel Agadoni Hello my sensitive friends. I am thrilled to be here today. Today is our 100th episode of the podcast, which is insane to me. Uh, it's been such a beautiful journey and. A wild ride to arrive here. This is our final episode of season three, and as of now we have a season four coming. So for those of you that have just recently joined, um, Welcome and uh, today I just wanted to kinda summarize a little bit of what we've learned since last fall and since the beginning of season three, and also kind of share a little glimpse of where we're going next as well as just to update you guys on this progression of understanding the natural sensitive and what it can look like for us as a community and where.

And where we all can go next. So first of all, I just, it's been so fun to run this podcast and to, uh, it, well, I should say it's been such a journey for me. Uh, I've really grown a lot through creating this podcast through being present here for you guys. I am not a consistent person, and so, It's a huge accomplishment for me to have kept this podcast alive for this long, and I've of course had help, thank goodness for that.

Uh, but just thinking back to when I first started this podcast back in goodness, 2018 or 2019, I should look, uh, I just, I had a vision for it and I'm kind of coming back around to that initial vision, which is kind of interesting that it's taken me this long to like really get there. Uh, but I originally thought I was gonna do like a biohacking podcast, which is kind of funny.

Uh, I just, I love optimization of the body and I, I really thought I was gonna, Bring forward this new podcast for like women in biohacking from a more gentle standpoint. And then it just kind of ended up being about this journey that I was personally going on to cultivate authentic calm. So again, if you're new, the podcast most very recently used to be called The Authentic Calm Podcast, and uh, the reason was because, The underlying tone and purpose of it was to pursue and to cultivate your unique state of ease, uh, in body, mind, and spirit.

And that eventually started morphing into what that looks like for me personally. And, uh, and since I am a highly sensitive person, what I call a natural sensitive, it started kind of rolling forward and, and showing itself through my sense. Uh, eventually I realized I am, I need to talk about this. And I, it hon honestly, it came forward through actually having conversations with people that aren't sensitives, that are like, I can't relate to that, or I don't really understand what you mean by that.

And. And recognizing that not everyone is on the same journey, and that what I'm learning in my lifetime that I do feel called to share about, uh, doesn't apply to everyone. It only applies to sensitives and not even necessarily all sensitives potentially, but. I'm of most service to those that are wired similarly to me because a lot of, most of my work is centered around what I have walked through.

Uh, so I can only really speak to that. Um, but as you know, I bring on guests. And, uh, other experts that can then share from their perspective, their experience, their point of view, their training, which broadens and diversifies hopefully the experience on this podcast. Uh, but it's been so sweet to arrive here today, and it was literally at the very beginning of season three, this last season.

First episode was on defining the natural sensitive, and to be totally transparent with you. I bet if I went back and listened to that episode, I'd be like, oh gosh, I still didn't know what it was, still didn't know what I was saying. Well, it's all, I didn't know what it was. It's just, I think every time I'm forced to define something or explain, uh, since sensitivity or explain who I am or what I'm about or what this is about, I get better at expressing it.

Uh, communication is an art form and it takes a lot of. Repetition and experience to refine it. And for me, that has looked like this podcast as well as the conversations that have flowed in and out of this podcast. Uh, they have allowed me to really fine tune how I choose to communicate my sensitivity and, and hopefully represent you and the rest of this community well.

Uh, but it's. It's so humbling to look back and there's so much of me that would love to just like delete episodes from my past because it's, it's so vulnerable. It's vulnerable to share. And then I'm such a evolving individual that like, Every month I feel like I'm a new person, which maybe that sounds extreme, but I'm sure it's not.

Because even looking back, I was reviewing through the episodes just, oh my gosh. That was only. Only like three months ago, or only even six months ago. That's insane. I feel like I was a completely different person at in that stage. And, and also, you know, life has seasons and so that season was so intense and I'm, I'm done with that season now and I feel like I've moved on from it, so it's very scary and hmm, how does it make me feel?

It just feels tender, feels a little uncomfortable. I feel like I'm struggling to find the right word to capture my emotion, but to know that those words are out there, to know that my imperfect self, my mixed bag of me is out there. Uh, but it's also so edifying because. Anytime I start to get a big head, which can happen to anyone and definitely happens to me, uh, I'm quickly, quickly, quickly humbled by remembering, uh, what a mess I am.

And I say that with so much love, not with shame, but just, or I, I hope to say it without shame. Uh, And I, I wanna invite you into that same place if there is a project. I mean, so many people think about podcasts and I've had a lot of people ask me about podcasting and whatever the project is. Uh, we talked about, we've been talking about dreams and, you know, big goals.

In my last solo, that was a really, I'm still like, I almost wanna re-listen to it myself cuz I'm like, I wanna hear what I said again. Um, because honestly, guys, Probably 75, if not 90% of the time, I'm gonna go all the way 90% of the time. What I'm saying on an episode is not my, it's not mine. Like I, I, the word channeling doesn't resonate with me.

Uh, but. Download does, and I just feel like I become a little vessel and I just experience and, and receive words, and it just comes down through my head and goes out through my mouth. Like, that's the best way for me to describe it. I guess I, maybe I'm afraid of the word channeling just because of the connotations around it and the expectations and the kind of, um, yeah, just like what comes with that, that word.

Uh, but, So a lot of times afterwards I'm like, I don't even know what I said. Like I blacked out. Like, um, and I'll go back and listen to it for, you know, helping with show note creations or whatever, and I'm like, damn. Like I don't, where did that even come from? That's okay. Cool. I'm gonna write notes for myself.

Like, so it's, it's so fascinating because if you. If you have that gifting in you of being a voice, which I definitely do, uh, it's a really amazing feeling to know that the words that are coming outta your mouth are not yours. Um, and that can lead to some pridefulness, but it also can be humbling at the same time because you realize, wow, the quote unquote advice or wisdom I'm sharing right now.

Some of it I haven't embodied yet because it's, I'm receiving it and just passing it straight on. And so I need to go back and make sure that I'm not make sure, but choose to, uh, embody that and choose to live it out. And so in a weird way, it's like my voice is almost my own teacher. Um, which again, sounds very weird, but I don't know how else to explain it.

It's not really my voice. It's, to me it's God, you know. So, um, God is coming through my voice and then I go back and listen to God through my voice. Does that make sense? Anyways, so I know some of you get it, uh, but it's, it's just been such a journey of. Processing through all of this and, and each time letting myself face myself and be honest with you guys, that's always my prerogative, is to open myself, to be vulnerable, to share my heart, not my mind, which I'm so heady that oftentimes it is my head, but to allow my heart to lead the way and hopefully over time, to be more and more, uh, the speaker than my mind.

Um, So that being said, like reset. Reset. Um, Hmm. Season three has been really good. If you haven't gone back and listened to the older episodes, please do. We've had some amazing guests, amazing, amazing guests on we, we've talked subconscious, we've talked, my gosh, narcissism, we've talked the gamut. So many different beautiful things.

We've talked somatic healing, and again, all of this is from the angle of sensitivity. So it's. Even if you've heard episodes on these topics before, I guarantee you it's gonna be different because we're not looking at it from the generic human standpoint. We're looking at everything from the standpoint of being sensitive.

And so it gives a whole new angle and a fresh take on things that I, I personally really love. Uh, and I invite you, I invite you into season four. I'll be brutally honest guys. I've been. A bit worn out from the consistency of this. Uh, my manifesto energy is like, we want a break, so we're gonna take a little beat.

Uh, we're gonna take a little summer break and then we will be back for season four. I am very excited for what I currently have anticipated for season four. I'm trying to get better about, not like promising things because I tend to change my mind so much. but you know what, I also. Don't wanna be afraid of sharing what's on my heart currently.

So my current vision for season four is really exciting. If we get to do it, that's wonderful. if not, I'm sure it'll be the same or even better. but we have some incredible sensitive experts coming on from around the world. And we also are going to be diving into my original intention with the podcast, which is quote unquote biohacking, but really just, uh, tools and therapies to optimize your sensitive body that are not, of the norm.

So we're gonna be. Looking at some that you're probably very familiar with, if you're in the health space of like infrared sauna and, um, hyperbaric oxygen therapy and red light therapy and all these things, the BioMAT, all these tools that we can use. Uh, we're gonna be looking into those, but again, from the sensitive angle, which I have yet to see, because here's the thing, I'm really passionate about optimizing the body.

I love the biohacking world has a special place in my heart, but there's a really big butt there. The way that those tools and therapies are typically used are really intense and very extreme, and that's not usually conducive for us sensitives. And so for me, I would like to, to share, so. I'm gonna be walking through all of these things before I share them, so it'll be my personal experience and my personal learnings, and as a practitioner what I would then recommend, which is always what I try and do with everything that I.

Share with my clients is just how to approach these different tools, uh, with a sensitive body. So, perfect example. I've talked about this a lot in these last couple episodes, but I've been doing a lot of hyperbaric oxygen therapy and, uh, The standard protocols with that, the standard recommendations that you're gonna get from your doctor, from the owner of the studio, or the salesperson or whatever, whoever you're working with is not going to work for you.

I'm just gonna be totally honest. It's going to actually put you into a state of, uh, potentially, uh, Overwhelm would be the bare minimum, but it may cause some negative reactions within you. And so I want to share a way to go about it where you can get the benefits without the negatives that can occur.

And yes, there can be some negatives for us as sensitives, and so it's important to understand how to navigate not only just. The actual tool and therapy, but also how to communicate that with the expert that's gonna wanna try and push you and shove you. And because they, they're, they really honestly believe in what they're doing, and they're used to being successful with a different kind of body.

And so if they don't understand that your body's truly different, they're not gonna take it seriously and they're going to just think you're being feisty or you're being a baby or whatever. Right? Which you're all u we're used to that in every other realm of the world, but. Again, I just wanna give you guys a leg up on how to communicate and say very clearly, like what you need and why you need it, so that you're not having to navigate all of that.

Um, or go through what I'm probably, what I have been going through, what I'm going to go through each time, which is like the experimentation process, which can be pretty in, pretty intensive. Uh, so biohacking is gonna be an element. We're also going to be talking about.

I'm hoping that we're gonna be talking much more about regenerative organic farming, which is may. This may seem like such a random soup of topics, but it all makes sense in my mind. Uh, these are all the things I'm personally very passionate about and into. Um, and I'll explain a lot more in season four, uh, but I really feel like regenerative, organic farming and agriculture is the future.

I really feel like we as sensitives are actually. Particularly called to speak into this movement, to be a part of this movement to, uh, support this movement. And it's a rising tide, and I think we can be a huge part of that process. So, uh, for those that are. Like, what the hell are you talking about? Um, Google it, but, or wait for season four and we'll dive in.

But, uh, regenerative organic farming is so, so incredible. It will, it is, I think, the solution to everything regarding our planet right now. Um, I'm a, I'm a big believer in honoring the earth that God gave us and being good stewards, not just good stewards being. Respectful stewards. Uh, but I. I believe that the current approaches to sustainability are a bit of bs, so I don't buy into a lot of the trendy movements around sustainability.

I think that they're just a lot of marketing ploys, um, whereas. I think regenerative organic farming is an actual true, sustainable solution and I cannot wait to introduce you if it's new. Cannot wait to further build the fire. Stoke the fire underneath you of passion if you already know about it. And, um, I hope to connect you with some farmers and some individuals that are, Already in this world and doing beautiful work through it.

So it's gonna be an exciting season. Uh, like I said, it may shift in mold, but that's my vision for it right now. So, um, we can get excited about the possibility. And, oh, was there one more thing I wanted to share with you? This episode is like, so different from my usual ones, but I just felt like I wanted to summarize.

I think the last thing I wanna say guys, is that I'm just. I'm so excited to get, to continue studying what it's like to be a natural sensitive. Each day that we live is an experiment and it's, it's a refinement too, of learning how to. Make decisions in our day to day and how to live and how to communicate and how to relate and how to work.

And, um, that's true for every human. But I, I do feel like as sensitives, we don't have that communal support. We don't have the general understanding. Uh, we don't have people in front of us that can necessarily. Define or explain or set an example. Um, I'm, I'm trying to be that for you guys and there are others that are as well, but it's not as easily found.

And so I hope that this community will build, and my, my original vision was to create. A whole kind of world. The Melo world is what I was originally gonna call it, and it's morphed and changed and grown just like me and just like you. And so now it's looking more and more like a focus on natural sensitivity as that has really rung true for you guys and really resonated and it has for me as well.

And so, um, I have some plans around that and how that can, how I can create a place of resource for you guys, a place of expression, a place of understanding and support. Uh, the method, the authentic home method that I can't even believe I technically released in November, so it hasn't even been that long, but, Literally, as I was releasing it, everything was changing for me.

So, um, I have been working on a new, a rebranding of it, but also kind of a, a somewhat of a reformulation of it so that it's just. I want it to be so impactful, you guys. I want it to be something that is life-changing for you. And I've, I've been afraid, I think of doing the thing that I need to do, and a lot of that is direct guidance around supplementation, which is something I'm very good at.

Uh, but I have a hard time communicating, uh, because there's so many subtleties and so many variabilities that there is this underlying fear in me, in me that. I won't be able to communicate that well, or someone will get missed or someone will misunderstand and, you know, all the things that we sensitives worry about.

But at the end of the day, I have to think about the bigger picture and how I can help you guys help the majority of you in a way and, and find, find alternatives for those moments and those, those times where you may misunderstand or someone may, um, N n not need something or there's just so many things that I think about and I worry about that I need to release and let go of, um, with this project because I have the ability to help so many people and I want something that's super, super accessible, super, super educational, and empowers you to know how to ultimately interpret your body.

Interpret your sensitive body and whether that means that you utilize my recommendations for supplementation according to that, or you take those results to a trained expert or you get training yourself and you dive in and and apply it. That's wonderful. So that is the direction that the method is going, which is exciting cuz it's gonna be even more.

Advanced is the word I would use. Uh, and that was always my original intent, but I just, I got nervous. I got nervous, and I pulled back. And so now I'm going to just dive into the full, deep end of the pool and hopefully that's not too much, but um, I'm really excited about what I'm creating now. And so for anyone that's interested in the method, it is still absolutely applicable as is, but it's more beginner, is the way I would describe it.

And this next volume, uh, will be much more advanced as far as like helping you to interpret your body and understand symptoms, what I call body messages, and then how to remedy that, uh, with specific. Supplementation specific therapies, and all of them, of course, are sensitive, safe, and have been utilized and approved.

And, um, I've seen the results, uh, in my clinic as well as on my own body. So it's not just, you know, technicalities that I'm pulling in. Uh, Or, you know, training that I'm passing on. It's things that I've, I've literally worked out. And so it's, it's good stuff. Um, and for those of you that just aren't in a place to be able to afford my one-on-one, which I totally understand, cuz it's, it's a very, very unique experience.

It's very intimate, very personal, very, very, very one-on-one in a way that is unlike anything else I've seen. And, uh, so it's, it's meant for those special moments, those special seasons where you're dealing with a chronic illness and you can't move past it. Or you want that hand holding, you want that partner, that friend to walk through it, that gets it.

Uh, that's what my one-on-one care is for. Um, but other than that, there's so many areas, uh, that are needed, so many areas of support that are needed and that I can provide. So I'm hoping to. To, uh, meet you guys there soon. Ah, so that's the update. I am so thrilled to have you guys here. I still can't believe that you're listening.

Um, we have an amazing amount of downloads, uh, just from season two and three. We have had 15,000 downloads, which is pretty rad. And, um, I don't know the total because I am not the greatest at analytics and I haven't been doing this podcast from a standpoint of analytics really. So, uh, I have no idea how many downloads I had in my first season.

Um, but I just. I wanna not care about that because that's not the point. The point isn't to be the fancy podcast, uh, host or whatever the point is to serve you guys. And so hopefully that's what this podcast is doing. I think that's it for me. Today's a little short, random one, but thank you for making a hundred episodes possible.

Thank you for. Gosh, the love notes and the messages you guys send, I swear every time I start to feel a little discouraged or exhausted or weary or just lacking in creativity, uh, I just send out a little message and just say, God, please send me some form of affirmation or encouragement, and every time I get.

He sends me love through one of you and it's, yeah, the dms, the notes, the emails. I just, I so, so value them guys. I'm very, Very filled up by your words and by knowing that I'm impacting in some way as a manifester, that's like a big thing for me. If I feel like I'm speaking to crickets, it's really challenging for me to keep going.

So I appreciate the feedback. I really appreciate reviews and just the overall subscribing and downloading is also huge and, and just cool to see. So I love you guys. This is, Very much a community, and I'm excited to grow it and continue these conversations. Thanks for tuning in, and we'll see you after this summer.  

Jessi: Hey there. Before you go, let me ask you two quick questions. Are you honoring your natural sensitivity with your current choices? Are you feeling like your healthiest, most authentic self and body? If you answered no to one or both of those questions, I highly recommend trying out my method. It'll get you started. Or you're welcome to work with me one-on-one if you need to address Deeper health imbalances. If you loved this episode, please leave us a review or share it with someone you care about. Your support means the world to us and keeps us going. We wish you all the love and care. À votre santé, my friend.

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Natural Sensitive Resources Below:

• Authentic Calm, the podcast

• Mêrfleur Natural Living Recos, for Sensitive-safe products

• Merfleur Library, books to listen to or read

• Merfleur Wellness, to rebuild your calm and resiliency for sustainable health

  • See the Authentic Calm Method for self-care

  • See 1:1 Care for private support from Jessi

Episode 41: Healing Chronic illnesses & Finding Freedom with Shiloh Woodard

Conversation

Episode 41 Season 3

Are you conscious of the slightest subtleties in others? Are you a lover of quiet downtime? Are you attuned to the details of your environment? Are you most at peace when there is no pressure? And are you deeply affected by nature, music, stories, food, and other forms of art? And have you also been this way for as long as you can?

If yes, then it's quite possible that you are a Natural Sensitive, like me, commonly referred to as a highly sensitive person. A Natural Sensitive is simply someone whose sensitivity is innate, healthy, and a gift to everyone it touches. Welcome to the Naturally Sensitive podcast, a show for the holistically minded, natural sensitive.

Here we talk all things sensitive and natural. My name is Jessi Michel Agadoni, and I am your naturally sensitive health guide and. My purpose in this lifetime is to help you cultivate a beautiful, rich life void of constant overwhelm, anxiety, depression, autoimmunity, or any other imbalance that could prevent you from having the impact I believe you are called to have on this world, my functional healthcare practice, me floor wellness, and my unique method teaches Natural Sensitives like you, how to build sustainable health by honoring their natural sensitivity. I created this space as a free resource to share what I've learned through my own life, and also had the honor of witnessing in the lives of my sensitive clients. I do this because I truly believe that if all Natural Sensitives have the support to live as their unique body's request, this world could be a much more beautiful and peaceful place.

So today we will take yet another step towards creating this healing reality together. Let's dive in.

Jessi: Shiloh, I'm so excited to have you on this podcast because it's been a long time coming. I mean, we, you were one of my first. Clients, really? Mm-hmm. Like back in the day, you, I will always remember you just putting trust in me and me being like, well, here we go. You know, and Right.

Shiloh: Oh gosh. It had to been scary for you.

Jessi: It wasn't scary. It was more just like, I think I felt the weight of the journey you had already been on, the amount of practitioners you'd already seen and just so deeply wanting you to see resolution and hope. And I felt at that season in your life, a deep hopelessness in you, if I may speak that over you at that time.

And so I think I just felt, I felt a deep, deep connection and calling to your journey of like holding that torch for you and holding that lighthouse and, and being that, that source of inspiration of like, we are going to get you. Back to you, you know, you'll be you again. And um, although I never promised, cuz I try not to ever promise anything.

I, I held it in my heart and I, I knew, I knew that we were gonna get you somewhere, but it is, I did feel the weight right off the bat of like, yeah, this is like, I felt this is big. You know, like this isn't just, oh Jesse, I have a few symptoms. Like, and so, right. It was more like the, the responsibility of just, no, I was really sick partnering with you on this.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, uh, so I think we've learned so much together. Yeah. Through your healing journey cuz we were partners through it and at least through the season, uh, where we went through it together. And it's been such an honor, honestly, to witness your fortitude, your perseverance, your, your just straight up grit.

Shiloh. Um, thank you. As we're gonna dive into deeply today, moving through challenging healing seasons. Takes a resilience that most people honestly don't have. And I ironically see mostly Insensitives, which is so counter to what our culture thinks of when they think of sensitives, but we actually have this crazy deep resilience to us, um, because we've kind of had to in order to just like move through this life seriously.

Um, so I'm, I'm so excited to have you on here to share your story and to just introduce this community to you. So, Give our, our listeners a little like, snapshot of just who you are in general, what you Oh, for living now, which is so fun. And then we'll just kind of start diving into the, uh, the beautiful story of the last couple of years.

Shiloh: Sure. Did you want like my age or what do you want?

I, um, here's my

Jessi: address, here's my right height, my type,

Shiloh: which I still dunno. So if you know, please let me know, guys. Um, thank, oh my gosh. I, um, am Shiloh. Hi. Nice to meet you all. Um, I am now currently an audiobook, narrator, specialing, uh, specializing specifically in romance audiobooks. I, I hope to expand into more genres as I come into this, but this is a brand new career for me where I get to combine two loves that I never thought I'd get to combine again, which are acting and well reading is always something I could do, but.

Wait, not always true. We'll get to that Anyway. Um, so I'm an audiobook narrator, that's why you're in my booth. And, I have so many other things that go to me to ask me who I am is, is monumental, but that's a nice sheen LinkedIn version. I love it.

Jessi: I love it. Mm-hmm. So, Shiloh, give us a little story about, you know, when did you first find out that you were sensitive and how did that register for you?

That's

Shiloh: a really fascinating question because it's two parts. I mean, I'm sure you get this with a lot of sensitives. We don't just answer the question normally because the question is so many other things. Mm-hmm. Um, when did I realize I was sensitive? Well, one, I didn't know sensitive was a thing. Mm-hmm.

Until I met you. Um, and you helped me label what I've always known about myself. Mm-hmm. Um, so you stopped me a couple years ago. Um, I would say in the concept of knowing that I was sensitive without the label mm-hmm. Um, that showed up. I would say, I would describe it as a feeling of being other, um, of being different than the other kids, different than those around me.

And that probably showed up

earliest memories. Um, being able to sense spirits, being able to see colors that aren't there, see, hear things. Um, love people in a way that others couldn't. Mm-hmm. Um, lead others in a way that others weren't. And that, and being called weird. Yeah, I mean, like honestly, if I had the proverbial nickel for every time I was called weird in my life, I would be so rich.

Um, and it's never like the cool, weird, yeah, it's, it's always the puppy dog. Weird. Like she's weird, but she's ours. Mm-hmm. Like, so it's, um, almost more insulting cuz there's cool, weird, um, where you can just be like Luna Lovegood in Harry Potter. Mm-hmm. Um, but also Luna Lovegood was only accepted by people because she hung around them.

So I, I kind of identify a lot with her and her strangeness, which was. It's a fascinating character. Unsung heroes of Harry Potter people. I love it. Podcast.

Jessi: That's amazing. I totally understand that. I think I oddball was kind of like the word that came to my mind a lot of, yeah. Just like, or people just like, you're just different.

Like, they almost couldn't put their finger on it. Like, yeah, I don't know what to do with you.

Shiloh: Right. Yeah, that's exactly it. And I would be called a lot of things, but I found that adults embraced me more mm-hmm. As a child than kids did.

Jessi: That's so common. Yeah. Right.

Shiloh: Because we understand adults. Mm-hmm. We can talk with adults as, as little kids in general, I'm assuming.

Mm-hmm. Um, that's the case. And I was always sick, but like I, I told you this, I didn't realize I was always sick until I started working with you and we started going through my history and I'm like, oh, I, I'm probably sick. Oh, that's always been

Jessi: my story, but I, I feel like I'm

Shiloh: a kind of a weird, sensitive, weird, and there's that word again.

We're embracing it today, people. I love it. Yeah. It's gonna be our recla it reclaim it. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, is that, um, I am extroverted. Mm-hmm. Um, I, it's such a weird thing because I don't actually charge with people. I don't recharge. So I really am an introvert, but I adore people. I wanna be in all the parties.

I wanna do all the things with people I wanna play, like sign me up, coach put me in. So I didn't realize I was only sick. I thought that was normal because I still did all the sports, all the arts, all the things at school, got all the A's, did all the stuff. Um, which now I realize she needed a nap and to say no.

Less. Less is more. Less is more. Mm-hmm. But as a little kid in the brand new wide world, this was the world I wanted. So that is very much my personality. If anyone follows the agram, I'm a seven. Mm-hmm. Which is, odd to have as sensitive sensitives aren't normally gregarious, outgoing sevens. So please don't look at me and go, oh, I should be like her.

Jessi: I talk about this a lot. Every natural sensitive is different because I think, and there is a lot of use of this, of describing sensitivity as a personality trait. I don't really see it that way. I see it as an inborn trait. Um, which I mean, again, you could like wrap circles around how you define personality, but it's not something I feel like that we.

Put on, right? Like you put on a personality, it's who you are. And so introvert and extrovert is something that is also a trait. And I think what gets confusing is that the love of people, the love of connection, the love of relationships is separate from both of those things. Actually very well put. So a natural sensitive can be introverted or extroverted.

Uh, an introvert can be natural sensitive or not. Um, like those things are separate. Introversion, extroversion are separate from natural sensitivity. And then separate from that is even the love of people, you know? And, um, it's so funny, I've been talking a lot about this, of just this. We all have different levels of capacity and need for connection, and some of us are really wired to be connected.

Jessi: Uh, but not all of us are filled up by being around people. And that's at least how I define introvert and extroverts. So technically what I'm hearing you say is you are an introvert. You just love people. You love people, you love connection.

Mm-hmm. But your, your nervous system, your body can only handle so much before it's like, we need a, we need a break. Mm-hmm. And then we'll be back full force, you know? Right. Yes. That's, and we can't

Shiloh: wait. We can't wait, you know, right.

Jessi: Back and take a nap. Right. So, and that's, that's I think one of the biggest myths about sensitives is that we're people haters that we're, uh, that we are like these reclusive live in the mountain by ourselves, kind of people.

Now, I am more that way personally. Like I love people and I do have my. My extroverted moments, but, or my people loving moments. But I need so much time that I actually can't do that. Whereas you, I feel like you do actually fill up pretty quickly and you're able to bounce back and that connection is so strong.

Remind me, I should pull it up right now. Remind me what your profile is in human design. Shiloh, I have it on my phone, of course. I'm a

Shiloh: generator. Yeah. Profile generator.

Jessi: Do you remember what your profile numbers are?

Shiloh: The numbers are, oh God, I have it on my phone. Let me look. Um, I will say, I wanted to say something too about filling up.

Yeah. I could not fill up quickly unless I was healthy. Mm-hmm. Healthy. Let me, let me res restate that. Yeah. Have five, one. Yes. I'm trying, I'm still, I'm still learning these. Um, yeah. Yep. I'm a five one. The challenge solver. Mm-hmm. Um, But I, I could not fill up as quickly and you've known that, you've seen me through my journeys.

Um, a great, oh, one of my lights died. Oh. It's gonna get real dark and personal here. Fast. I love it. Um, welcome to the cave. Uh, so I would not have been able to recharge quickly. Mm-hmm. Um, relatively out. So without being on this healing journey without being relatively healthy. Yeah. Um, it's just, it's just a part of that.

But yeah, I'm a five one to answer your question. I love that. Yeah.

Jessi: I, it's funny cuz I would've, I, for some reason I was like, is she a four? I didn't think she had four in her profile, but, um, five ones, you know, you're, you're kind of the hero. You're tempted to fix everything because you technically can.

Shiloh: No, I can.

And could you please tell everyone that? Thank you. Just listen to me, people. I got you. Okay. No,

Jessi: that's one of the hardest, hardest profiles as a sensitive, because you literally can fix everything and you can be the hero in just about every situation. Um, but you're not here to do that for everyone. No.

You're here to first and foremost do it for you, and then as your capacity grows, you can extend it to others, which is I know, a big lesson we've learned together. Yeah.

Shiloh: From hard, you know, you've been really helpful with that. And Oh, there goes the other one. This is as tough as it gets people. Sorry. Just think of it as intimate.

You've taught me a lot in that. Where to give the energy, but what, more than what teaching, you've given me permission to say no. Mm-hmm. Um, so as a seven, as a generator, as a five, one saying no is very difficult. Mm-hmm. Um, being sick forced me. So back up.

I was sick with Lyme disease for 13 years. Mm-hmm. Um, active, terrible. Tried to kill me a couple times. Lyme disease. Um, stole my thirties, y'all. Um, and before that I had chronic Epstein bar, chronic fatigue syndrome for 15, 15 years. Mm-hmm. 17 years. And then before that I was just kind of sick all the time as a kid.

Um, so I haven't ever really experienced glowing health for any length of time until recently. Hmm. Therefore, having to say no. Was something I had to learn the hard way. Mm-hmm. Um, giving that permission to accept that lesson is something you did, you gave me that permission to accept the lesson that God was trying to like beat into my hood.

Take a nap for gosh sakes. Mm. That's, that's really,

Jessi: that's the hardest one for us is, is sensitives, is the acceptance of our 3D limitation. You know, you and I have had many, many deep conversations about this and you even more so this, we have this ethereal quality to us being in the spiritual world.

Being in the 45 D beyond realms is very easy for us. Mm-hmm. What's challenging for us is to step into this bag of skin and bones and to feel. Grounded in who we are in this dimension, in this lifetime. Uh, because it doesn't feel natural to us. It feels odd. We feel like we're aliens, you know, like what's going on.

Yeah. And so whether it's conscious or subconscious, and I think for you, it's been a very conscious thing of like, I just feel, I don't, this isn't me. Like what is happening here isn't me. And especially when, and that is ultimately what illness is, right? Is is it disconnection from the body. Mm-hmm. And saying, this body isn't me.

And so your journey has been so beautiful to observe as you've come back into the body, which was hard at first. Really hard. Yeah. It was very hard. And then eventually I saw you make that connection and suddenly your body was your friend, your body was your support system. Your body was something that you, I I heard it in your voice, this respect and this almost a protective, um, Attitude that came forward too, which was so beautiful to see.

And I know that that was a long journey cuz as you just shared, and we can dive into that more of like Sure. How, how much you had to work through and how many different people you had involved in. And when you're sick for that long, there's a way that culture and the way that your family and your friends will treat you and you start to, since that's mirrored back to you, you start to accept it, right?

Of this is who I am. Sure. Yeah. And um, and that's where it's like all I have to offer is to like give whatever I can and then, so there's no permission to say no, right? Mm-hmm. It just grows into this whole persona of like, I have to give what I can cuz I. I'm so limited, you know?

Shiloh: Taking back agency. Oh

Jessi: yeah. That's a beautiful way to say it. So share a little bit more with us about Yeah. That journey. What was it like? Um, I know this may be a little painful to go back to, but, uh, what was it like as a kid growing up? Feeling, feeling sick, feeling disconnected from your body?

Well,

Shiloh: I didn't realize that I was sick all the time. I just figured that was what people were. Mm-hmm. Um, so it's totally normal to have strep throat at least once a year. Um, totally normal to wake up and just not feel good. Mm-hmm. Um, and cuz it didn't stop me from living a full life. Mm-hmm. Um, because I was still in sports, I was still running around, I was still doing the things.

Um, I just happened to be very sick a couple times a year. And it might have been more than that, I don't remember, but I have a personality that's like sunshine and, and roses and mm-hmm. Rainbows and happy days. Um, naturally. So I tend to in, unfortunately, and this is an unfortunate thing, gloss over painful things.

Mm-hmm. Um, and that's something you and I worked on, I worked on separately with a therapist as well mm-hmm. Is to feel the painful things, acknowledge that they're there and not feel like you have to be condemned because you're in pain. Mm-hmm. Um, you know, I, we often say judge a lot and I think we actually misuse that word a lot, um, because judging is not inherently bad.

Condemning is bad if you don't know the whole story. Um, so because we, we judge on a very surface level all the time, so judging that I have pain, meaning I'm determining. If I have pain, um, and then acknowledging that there's pain there and then not condemning myself for it or trying to shift the pain.

Um, for those of us that are happy-go-lucky people all the freaking time, inherently, um, it's very hard to not shift uncomfortable feelings and to try to, um, pull out some kind of alchemy and to change them into a rainbow. And the truth is, is that, that that diminishes the need of the pain. Do you know what I mean?

Absolutely. We're here to learn that lesson and if we won't learn that lesson unless we feel it. Yeah. And that's something I've been sharing with a friend recently too, cuz they have a beautiful heart and they just want to heal people and they can. Um, here's the problem with that though. If you don't allow a person to have their struggles, you, you are robbing from them, you are stealing the joy and the greatness that they can become.

Mm-hmm. That they are. If you instead stand beside guide support, then you can help them through the difficult trauma and, and problems that they have. I don't know what we were talking about. I just went off on a tangent. No,

Jessi: very well said. You just hit on a point that I think is, is so, so important. Um, and that goes back to the lesson we were talking about earlier of this desire to rescue right.

To be the hero. And, and so, you know, that can translate as never saying no. Mm-hmm. And as sensitives, because we, and especially you, since you're clairvoyant and able to really tune into people, uh, you can feel things that other people don't, don't even know exists inside of them. Yeah. And so there is such this huge draw in you to help them along their journey, their healing journey.

Um, and it sounds like you're friends the same way, but if that individual isn't able to learn the lesson themselves, it's never gonna register and it's Yeah, you're right. You're robbing them of the lessons of, cuz it's the process that causes the learning. Right. Not necessarily the end result. So yeah,

Shiloh: you don't wanna be Jurassic Park.

You want them to, to be natural history, not Jurassic Park. Don't skip the steps. I love it. Just saying, keeping a rail over here. Oh, I like that analogy. That's so good. Don't be Jurassic Park people.

Jessi: Ah, okay. So let me bring us back. Cause you and I together are rabbit trails galore, right? So, well the energy

Shiloh: just expands.

I know. And our like spirit selves are like, cool, we're gonna go dance over here. Over here. Al selves are like, dude, come back ladies, remember you love our bodies. Oh my gosh.

Jessi: Yeah. So I mean, so you shared with us that your childhood, it was hard, but you didn't register it that way, which is very normal.

Honestly, I've heard. Same for me. I've heard this same for you. So many sensitive because it's also a survival mechanism and Sure. Uh, if we come across as happy, nice girls. Then there's more acceptance, there's less rejection because we already have a tendency to be quote unquote weird oddballs, whatever.

So we do everything in our power consciously, but mostly subconsciously to be accepted. Right? Mm-hmm. And that of course, comes out in different ways based off of Yeah, the environment for sure. We grew up in and all of that. So it sounds like that was totally your story. At what point did you hit a physical level?

Cuz I, this happens to all sensitives. We hit a point where the body's like, I can't do this anymore. And it gives us a signal. It gives us a message that is so loud that we can no longer progress at the same momentum that we had before. And we have to stop. Did you receive a, a disease label? Was there a moment?

I'm saying that

Shiloh: that was always happening. Um, hence why I was always getting sick. Um, but the first time, which I did not heed cuz I was 12, 11, 12. I was in sixth grade, I caught, um, Epstein Bar. Mm. And that's the granddaddy of Mono. And I was out of school days for 23 days. And so, which I think equates to two full months.

Mm-hmm. It's, it's really, it was intense. Um, I watched a lot of Beauty and the Beast, you guys, just everyone, it's a great one. And an edited version. Edited version of working girls. So, cause the non edited version not okay for little kids, but edited, it's fine. I love it. So I, I did that and I read a lot and, um, I got through sixth grade and just acknowledged that there was gonna be times throughout my teen years where I needed a few days off of school.

Mm. And I'm so lucky I have parents that truly understand me. And if they don't understand the complexity of who I am, because who, who really sees everything, um, they are willing to accept what I've discovered along my journey mm-hmm. And adapt as they see fit. So I've really had good support throughout my, my life in regards to illnesses.

My parents never disbelieved me. Um, so I was never forced to go to school when I, I just couldn't get out of bed. Um, they fully were like, okay, no, you're sick. So I never felt that, condemnation from them in regards to my illness. Um, but I a hundred percent have felt that from doctors.

Yeah. Um, especially in the eighties and nineties where chronic fatigue syndrome was controversial. Um, it's no longer that way, but it was during that time and people, some doctors were like, it's not real. It's in your head. I'm like, this is not the 18 hundreds. I'm not having vapors. Like, and vapors were probably some chronic illness that was not diagnosed.

Shiloh: But it was hard. And so I still sometimes have that kind of fear with doctors that they're going to say, I'm fine when I'm, I know I'm not fine. Mm-hmm. Um, thankfully I've found some great healthcare practitioners to surround myself with and who believe me. Mm-hmm. And I, I, the key to that is being comfortable enough to tell telehealth care practitioner, thank you.

This is, this is the end of our journey together. Mm-hmm. I appreciate all you've done for me, but I can't do this and being your own advocate. Um, and I would not have known to do that if my mother wasn't such a strong advocate for my health and. The health of her, her parents as they were passing and learning what it means to truly say, no, give me this test.

Mm-hmm. No, I'm not taking that medicine. Let's find another solution. Because doctors are brilliant people who have done a wonderful job learning something, but they only know so much in this very, very big field. Mm-hmm. And they can only offer so much of their wisdom. Mm-hmm. So I'm a big proponent of having at least three different healthcare practitioners to at least three to round out and balance out the perspective.

And if you can't do three, then do at least two, get an allopathic and a naturopathic holistic, traditional, what we're gonna call traditional medicine, but then also the Americanized standard. Mm-hmm. Healthcare, because I think it's important to live in both worlds. Yeah. For me personally, that's not everyone's journey.

And if anything, I've learned through this journey, Jessie, and you know this is that every body is different. Yes. Like my diet is not gonna be your diet, it's not gonna be her diet. Mm-hmm. My medication and my supplement's not yours. There's some similarities. Sure. But just cuz we're human after that, forget it.

So, and I think that process of learning to trust yourself is really actually what healing is about. Mm. Mm-hmm. I'm just talking a lot. I love that. So, I love other questions.

Jessi: Yeah. So, uh, at what point did you start to realize like, okay, this is really serious. This is something I have to kind of pull back on my life on even more.

Um, like where you mentioned like your thirties really kind of got stolen from you. What did that look like? Well, I

Shiloh: would say it actually started at 20. Mm-hmm. Um, truly, truly 20. Um, so. I was in school up in Seattle. I was working on a theology and theater degree. Um, I was there on a theater scholarship, acting people.

It's my life. Um, and I got black mold poisoning and very, very sick. And I thought, well, maybe it's the chronic fatigue acting up. We didn't know what I had, but there was a huge spot of black mold in my apartment at the time up in Seattle. And I had to quit school. My dad had to drive up. I was 20, um, before he drove up and took me.

I had to get through that quarter and I had a friend literally prop me up in class and she would help take notes for me and we would just get through. I just got through that quarter and it took about a year and a half, um, for me to get back on my feet, to finish my degree, to move forward. But I never really truly healed from that process.

Yeah. Um, because I didn't understand all the things that I shouldn't have been doing for my body. Um, but I did know that working was hard. I could only do part-time work, um, and ultimately ended up as a massage therapist, which is fantastic cuz I get to help heal people. But did I understand how to block energy very well?

No. So touching that many people in a day, all that energy, all of their stuff. And then the natural desire to take the pain and literally taking the pain away. Some of you sensitives will understand what that's, that's like Yep. Is not healthy. Mm-hmm. Um, so in that state of a compromised energetic body, a compromised immune system, I then caught Lyme disease at 29.

Um, And I caught it in Southern California. And yes, it can happen. Don't believe what mainstream medicine tells you. Um, and I didn't know what Lyme disease was. I just knew I couldn't work. Mm-hmm. I was very tired. My, my body hurt, my face swelled up on one side and fell. I had phantom dental pain. Walking was ridiculously hard.

I started stuttering. I couldn't find words. I started seeing things hallucinating, hearing things, pain when there was the slightest breeze. Um, I mean, body shaking pain. And, uh, they finally found it. I, I tested positive for Lyme and the normal western medicine doctor was like, cool, awesome. We're gonna put you on IV antibiotics every day for a month.

Um, did not prescribe. Probiotics did not prescribe, anything for gut health. And basically went in with Rocephin, which is like, it's like going in with a lot of artillery and just like oblating a, a country town. Yeah. With no support and then, then, you know, walking out and going, okay, well rebuild yourself, but they obliterated the lumber yards, everything.

There was nothing to rebuild. Um, and after the month she's like, okay, well everything else you're experiencing is post line syndrome and I can't help you. I'm like, but I'm getting worse. Like, this isn't just static. This is getting significantly worse and I got much worse. Um, thankfully an uncle of mine was like, Hey, you need to check this out, this kind of world.

Go look for a Lyme literate doctor. They don't generally accept insurance because there's a. So political people. So political. Mm-hmm. Great documentaries out there. One is called Under Our Skin. I recommend you watching it. Mm-hmm. But I found a Lyme letter doctor and I'm so thankful for her. Um, she is an integrative medicine practitioner, so she used to work in the ER but wanted to incorporate a lot of holistic health into her practice.

And it was great. It really, really helped. I did, I did come close to death a couple times. Um, but that wasn't because of her, that was because of the disease. And I will forever be thankful for the journey that I went on with her. She brought me to a place where I went into my first bout of remission with Lyme and really I realized it was just a quiet plateau cuz it wasn't fully remitted, it just was quiet.

And, um, but I'm so thankful for the work we did together. I was on IV antibiotics with her for about two years. But the difference is she pumped me full of supplements, changed my diet, um, had me build up my gut as much as I could. Mm-hmm. And changed everything. And then, um, we know you can only go so far, and I was still not better.

So I then switched to a natural path who was fantastic. I was really appreciative of all that I learned there. Um, I learned quite a bit, um, about different modalities of healing. And, um, I'm forever grateful for that too, but I was not getting the true health that I sought. That's when I met you. Mm-hmm. So this was 13 years.

Mm-hmm. Actually when I met you, I think I'd only been in it for 11 years at that point. Hmm. Um, and, but it was, and then you and I, we started a different journey in a different path. And because of your sensitivity and your, your deep thirst for knowledge, knew and know so much more.

About how to rebuild a body holistically. Mm-hmm. It's something that's missing, um, in modern medicine and mainstream medicine, I should say. Um, because you understand, you, you're very modern. You use all kinds of tests and well formulated supplements, so modern is the wrong word. Um, but you, you don't just board your knowledge.

You share your knowledge and you teach your clients how to care for themselves, um, which is a gift. And now some people can take that knowledge and, and grow with it and use it, and others just wanna be like, you do the work and that's fine. You allowed that in both spaces and it's, it's great. And, It's been a, it's been a tough journey, but yes.

Lyme disease stopped my life at 29. Literally stopped it. Mm-hmm. Um, I was bedridden for years. Um, but there's some, there's some good that came out of it. See, shifting. Shifting the uncomfortable. Yeah. Yeah.

Jessi: Lyme is one of the biggest challenges I think the body can face cuz Lyme is really an umbrella term.

Uh mm-hmm. There's so many co-infections and things that occur under that title, uh mm-hmm. That are less even lesser known. Um, but it's, it is also an opportunity to really come to know the body. And Shiloh, you made the most of that opportunity. You really did. Uh, and that's not to take away from the intense.

Challenge that it was, uh, but that is always the hope that if something really horrific happens, that there is still beauty to be found within it. Absolutely. And as you've shared, I think it's a gifting of yours to find that, to find the diamond, to find the rainbow within, you know, during and even after the storm.

Yeah. Um, but it's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that journey and I think. So many things you said are so helpful for anyone that's on a journey. Uh, technically we all are on a healing journey in general. And then there's these big healing seasons, you know, that we can go through, especially sensitives and you've gone through many big healing seasons.

Um, thank you. But I love what you said of, I'm a huge fan too, of having a team. Mm-hmm. Uh, because then you're not putting one practitioner on a pedestal as, as God. Right. Right, right. And so then you just do whatever they say and you're kind of like at their, their whim. Um, and you're subject to their personal limitations.

Cuz every practitioner has limitations. And so to be able to diversify and say, Hey, I see value in all different kinds of healing, all different kinds of training, and let's bring it all in, you know? Yeah. Let's not have any limits here. So I fully agree with that. And I think that was to your, to your benefit.

And uh, and even still, like I feel like each person we touch, even if they don't maybe give us what we were hoping for in the moment. I know it's same journey for me. I sought so many practitioners on my healing journey. Yeah. But each one of them gave us some knowledge about ourselves that we have forever.

Right. And it's absolutely, it's a gift. And so, but there was something that was missing and so it launched us to the next person, which we needed that launch, that catalyst. Mm-hmm. And so on and so forth. And so I think there is beauty too in allowing yourself the freedom to progress because as sensitives, I dunno if this happened to you a lot, but.

With me. I felt so emotionally tied to my practitioners that I would stay with them longer than I should have. Cause I felt guilty. I felt like almost like they needed me, which was like a weird thing. But I, I had a hard time releasing. And so I see that a lot with other senses. There's like this, we're very loyal people and yeah, we are.

And so feeling that permission to say, you know, I respect that person, but this is actually about me this time. Like, I have to put my body first and my body needs either another practitioner or another approach, or another, uh, way of thinking, another perspective, another therapy. And so I have to expand and go elsewhere.

Uh, so that is, that's huge. I'm, I'm so proud of you for moving and progressing and growing and expanding and, uh, Yeah. And being able to see that too, that's huge.

Shiloh: It's hard. I think it really helped to have such a good support system at home. It's not perfect. Nothing really truly is perfect, but it's been very, very good to have a sounding board, to have people to support me, people to hold me up, literally.

Mm-hmm. Um, and I know so many people who have not that I don't have that. Yeah. And that to me is the most tragic part. And I know so many people who have quit on their journey to health and they accept the Meyer that they're stuck in. They they're stuck there. And something I learned when I was very, very sick is that there is at least one perfect moment of every day.

We as humans have a deep desire for perfection. It clause at ours inside, but we also know it's not attainable, in this life. That being said, there is a perfect moment, at least one in every day. And it could be just a second, a less than a second, but if you seek it out and find it, it kind of gives that renewed hope that there's something beautiful in every day that you're gonna find.

it can be a day riddled with pain, excruciating pain and seizures and, horror but that one moment, whether it's the sunset or a breeze that didn't hurt or a sip of coffee, I know we'll talk about coffee later, but that little, that little moment of sheer bliss, that perfection is there. And I tell people that, but that, that really did help me.

Yeah. Get through some real dark times. And, um, I mean, you, you were with me on a really, well, we could talk forever, but you were with me on some really dark stuff. In including the mental health where all my neurotransmitters tanked. Thanks, COVID. Yeah. Um, it just, they tanked. And so, and it's so strange to tell people that I was depressed and had anxiety, but I was not depressed, nor did I have anxiety.

Um, cuz they're like, what are you talking about? I said, well, well, there is a difference. There is physical anxiety and physical depression where your body just doesn't work. it feels the anxiety, it feels everything, but, you know, somewhere deep inside you, you're fine. Like you're having a good emotional day, but the body is so messed up that it, it will, it will feel that anxiety for you.

Mm-hmm. And so it takes your mind and your spirit into that world and it is so hard. Mm-hmm. So hard to get through that. Thankfully we got through it. Mm-hmm. Lots of supplements, therapy. We're good now. Life is fine. But it's a very, the body, man body, right? We can learn so much once we learn what those little things are, that kind of lead.

But it's so important to have a guide, with you on that journey. Someone to point at you and go, oh, well, the reason you are feeling like the world is ending when you wake up is because your tyrosine levels are low. What do you mean? Well, your epinephrine needs some help. What do you mean? You mean I'm not just a morose person?

No, you're not. You're look at this test When you feel this kind of headache, you need to take this supplement because you're tanking on this level of a neurotransmitter. And it's different for everybody, but it's so helpful to have somebody just say, Hey, guess what? That little weird tummy ache you're feeling isn't just because you, you're human.

It's because you actually have Giardia. You know, it's like, oh, oh, that's a real thing. You can get in a real world. It's a real thing. People watch out in Vegas. I'm just saying, oh, don't drink the water. Um, but anyway, I, I'm blabbing. I don't know where I'm going with it.

Jessi: Oh, I'm just sitting here like, so proud of you.

I'm just

Shiloh: Thank you. Like a little mother hand, just like, whoa. I, I remember what I wanted to say. Um, because you stop working with a practitioner doesn't mean that they're horrible or you are horrible. Mm. It doesn't, it just means that that's the time I, I grieved when we stopped working together. Mm mm-hmm.

It was the time to stop working together. Mm-hmm. Um, on my health. Mm-hmm. But I grieved. It also was the same time, my therapist was like, well, you're healthy now. I'm like, mm-hmm. If she left me and I was just, I remember you were like, it was the end of here. End the end of the year too. And I'm like, are you kidding me?

But it's important to go through that. It's important to, to understand that things are gonna change. And I don't know if this is a sensitive thing. I hate change. Hmm. Hate change. It's hard

for

Jessi: us as sensitives. Definitely.

Shiloh: It completely happens all the time. Every day. No matter what you do, nothing's gonna stay the same.

And you can't control your environment. And that's the other thing too. I don't know if you do this, but I do this, I am so picky about controlling my environment. Mm-hmm. As much as I can. Mm-hmm. Um, and I've stopped caring. If people think I'm, what is it? I'm gonna say a bad word, people. If people think I'm a bitch, I don't care.

Jessi: Yeah. That's power right there.

Shiloh: It's just don't give a fuck. Right. Exactly.

Jessi: That's, that is healing is arriving at that place. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Spur a sensitive at least. It's huge. It's huge. It's, it's hard. I mean, I still feel

Shiloh: like I don't wanna be self-absorbed. Mm-hmm. Um, but there is an element of self-absorption that has to come with healing.

Mm-hmm. Um, because nobody else is gonna do it for you. Exactly. Nobody knows what your body feels like, but

Jessi: it's called stewardship.

Shiloh: Yeah. That's a good way of looking at it, but mm-hmm. Wanting to make life easier for everyone else is a huge driving force of me that I have to channel into different mm-hmm.

Ways of doing that in a healthy manner. Yeah. So, yes. Do I wanna make people comfortable? Sure. At the expense of myself anymore? No. And that is such a hard, uncomfortable feeling to live with as somebody, because I, I can feel when somebody's disappointed, sad, angry, mad. Mm-hmm. And I, I all of their thoughts and feelings, whether they feel it or not, whether they acknowledge it.

Yeah.

Jessi: You have to process that. It's hard cuz when we as sensitive say no, it's not just like, oh, then we're done. It's like we have to process that person's experience of us saying no as well as like how we feel saying no. And then just the whole, the whole thing. It's so much work. And I think yeah. Saying no is more exhausting in many ways than saying Yes.

Yep. In, at least in the short term. And so it can be very tempting, especially when we're low on energy, low on capacity. Ironically, we tend to lean towards just saying yes because it seems like in the moment the easiest thing. Yeah.

Shiloh: Well also too, our, our guards are down more. Mm-hmm. Um, our protective barriers.

Yeah. They're all, they're all down. And so it's, if we just go along, then we can conserve the energy, like you were saying. Yeah. But also we don't have, our natural inclination is to say Yes. So our natural inclination is going to be Yes. When we are not feeling well. Mm-hmm. And it's, it's hard. Yeah. I've, I've literally had to have to, I've literally had to have people tell me to go take a nap.

Like

Jessi: I, I know I did it for years.

Shiloh: Yeah, I know, right? No, you're gonna go take a nap. Go sit down, stop. Lay down. Like one of the first things that you had me do was just lay in bed until like nine, and I'm like, Why? Yeah, I hate

Jessi: her, but this feels

Shiloh: good, but ugh,

how dare she tell me to sleep? How dare she lay horizontal? So know. I was like, no, I can't do this. You're not letting me play. You're, oh my gosh. Yeah. For those that are listening, that really happened. For those

Jessi: that are listening, that, I mean obviously, you know, um, my clientele is a quite a small group cause I'm very selective, but, I always forget that people don't know how I work with people, but one of the things I offer is, uh, a chat feature.

And so we have our sessions and they're pretty regular, but we have this continual conversation that I think is a big part of my healing. Huge part, huge part of it. And so just the amount of messages I would get from Shiloh about like, so I feel amazing today. I think I wanna get a puppy or I, I feel amazing today.

I think I would go do this. I'm like, so you had one good day.

Shiloh: Let's maybe build up our reserves a bit.

Jessi: Before we start caring for another being again, like let's just take

Shiloh: a beat. That is the most accurate description of me. Oh my God. Anyone has ever brought, it was hilarious

Jessi: cuz I was just like, my heart was like, I know how badly, like you want to love on animals and people and all these things.

And so it was hard even for me to be like,

Shiloh: no, shy. Like

Jessi: let's think about this. And also trying to like encourage you to like get into that frame of mind of like my body first, my body first, my body first. Because I don't ever want to, and I don't think we should ever quell our natural love and desire for serving and caring for people.

That's literally why we're here. It's our gifting, but we just do it backwards. And so it's retraining ourselves to care for ourselves, build up our capacity, build up our reserves, and then from that place, We can love and just drown people in our joy and in our carings. Right, right. But, uh, we have to have those reserves first.

And that is honestly where sickness comes from, is not having the reserves and constantly giving out and out, out from a place of depletion. You're just, there's nothing. It's like you're, yeah. You just giving from an empty bucket. You're in the negative. And, uh, and so it was, it was beautiful to when you started, at least from my perspective, when you started to see those results and you started to feel Yeah.

Huge energy return. And you were like, oh my gosh. And I think there was part of you, at least from my perspective, that was like, oh. We don't know when we'll have this again. So we gotta make the most of this moment because we're, we know we could lose it any second. And over time it started to, you started to rebuild that trust in your body of mm-hmm.

Oh, this is here to stay. Oh, I can rebuild this. Oh, I have control over this. Oh. Like, then it was like, okay, yeah,

Shiloh: this is amazing. It's a really, um, uncomfortable feeling actually. Mm-hmm. Um, to have that kind of excitement because after decades and decades of not, of knowing that it's gonna go away. Yeah. And then to believe that it, it's not is truly freeing, but freedom is scary.

Mm-hmm. And there's a reason why people will politically keep, keep trying to bring in dictatorships people who wanna control them. And, and that's not same one way or the other. I think we often want people to. Um, contain us because true freedom is terrifying. Mm-hmm. And to have the freedom of help is, it's almost like being given the lottery and, and you're just like, is it real?

Is it mine? Do I get to really keep it? Are you gonna come and take it away in a year? Mm-hmm. Um, but that's kind of also just living,

I think working so hard to get here, um, shows me I can do it again. Absolutely. If I have to fall back. But I also now have a lot of. Different clues to tell me when I've been pushing too hard. Mm-hmm. Um, for example, I gotta tell you, like, I think I told you this already, but listen to me, I'm just going to keep talking your poor podcast.

It's just Shilah. This is,

Jessi: this is my podcast. Welcome. This is how it goes.

Shiloh: Okay. Uh, um, I was gonna say, so last week I caught shingles. Mm-hmm. Which I was gonna tie into a couple of the things. I felt very sick last Monday, but it started Sunday evening and I thought, okay, I felt really sick. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Um, and then my mom came back on that Monday after an appointment and said she had shingles and I'm, I live with her and I'd given her a massage for Mother's Day over that lovely area. And although my immune system is much better, it's not perfect. So, um, I still did not have a rash. I didn't have anything pop up, so there was no thing but.

Thankfully, because I have wonderful doctors who trust and believe me mm-hmm. Listened to my symptoms and went, oh yeah, no, you probably have it. Put me on antivirals because I've worked with you. I know when I go on something that's that hardcore, um, there are some certain up supplements I gotta bring back into my regimen and certain supplements I need up.

And I did that and I was sick and I did break out in a rash on around my eye. It was very gentle. It wasn't the pain that you would experience in shingles. Um, it itched. I was six six sick for a week. I'm still not a hundred percent. That's fine. Um, but because of the work we've done where I have to pay attention to the minutiae of my body, so that is now almost, I don't pay, like, I'm not aware that I'm paying attention to it.

Mm-hmm. Dramatic. Um, you feel I felt sick instantly. Mm-hmm. Versus the three, four days it takes for it to incubate and become a thing. And because I could feel it instantly. And I took the medicine right away. I did not have the, the tremendous problems that can come with shingles, thank God. Mm-hmm. Um, and I think that is the beauty of being a sensitive is that you're gonna feel when, like, I felt this way when I caught covid both times.

Shiloh: You remember? Oh, yeah. Um, I felt it days before it popped up on a test, and it's not, it's not, um, what is it called when people are hypo hypochondria? Oh, right. It's not mm-hmm. Hypochondrial. Mm-hmm. It's, it's just, it just is like, I know my body way better than anybody else does. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And if you surround yourself with people like I did, who believe you mm-hmm.

And know the kind of stuff you've lived through, and they will give you the support that you need, then you can move forward. And not put yourself in a super damaging space. Mm-hmm. Health-wise. So I guess what my point is, is that once given the gift of the freedom of health, I have learned what it takes to maintain it.

And that is paying attention to the little list of things and doing it in a way that you're not, like in the beginning and through the journey, you're like, oh my gosh, you tell everybody, everybody what your symptoms are all day long. You lose friends, it's okay. You'll get more later. And once you get to a place of help, you can just, you just know, you just run in, it's like a constant computer running in the background.

Your brain, you're running checks all the time, so you are no longer consciously having to process it with yourself or with others. You just kind of go, bing. Oh, that's why I had migraines for a week. Got it. Boom. Take this and it. It helps a lot. Yeah, it helps a lot. Did I talking a lot? That's perfect.

Jessi: What you're describing, Shiloh, is everything we work towards, which is helping you ultimately.

Translate what your body is asking of you. That is true health because, and I know we've talked about this a lot, the reality that, oh, I, I just like do this test, I take these supplements, or I take this medication and then I'm done and I'm perfect. And if something goes wrong after that, then like something, like something's wrong with me.

You know? It's like, no, your body is meant to go through many different seasons and you're gonna be exposed to things and you're going to be, you're going to get sick and like stuff is going to happen. It's not about that. And it's not about managing that. It's about having a body that is number one resilient and has a solid foundational, healthy base that if whatever comes your way, you're able to move through it with ease.

And the second is that you can read the signs, you can translate the language of your body because most people, most sensitives, they. They've disconnected so much from their body that they can't hear those messages, or they're, they've associated them with the wrong things, which is super common, right? Um, because they're, they're trying to figure it out, but it's, they've, they've disconnected.

So it's not super clear. And sometimes, honestly, it does require some training. And so you and I did a lot of training on that of like, okay, shallow, you're feeling this symptom. What is your body asking for? You know? And together as a partnership, we uncovered that through testing, through experimentation, through trial and error.

Um, because your body is unique, there is no other Shiloh, right? So together we found the language of your body, we interpreted it. And now you have that tool and you can be the advocate. You can be. The literal voice for your physical body with whatever practitioner you want and choose with whatever therapy you want.

Like, you can make that call. And so you are now in the driver's seat again, as opposed to giving away the keys, right. To a doctor, someone with a fancy degree or even that cool, famous, functional, you know, practitioner. Yeah. I don don't care what world they're from, but very true. We, we tend to do that. Like you said, we almost wanna give it away because it feels easier to just be told what to do than to actually, like people talk about, oh, we need to find the root cause.

Like that's so, you know, that's, that's the trendy thing in my world. Like what's the root cause? Like don't just treat the symptoms, treat the root cause, which I love that. But let's go deeper than that. I mean,

Shiloh: let's go deeper than that. How

Jessi: do we actually like resolve the disconnect that has created that quote unquote root cause?

Like how about the actual environment in where. You're not even listening to what's going on. So I think you reestablished that, that true foundation.

Shiloh: Well, I think Thank you. And it was, it was a lot of work on your part, um, helping me do that, and I'm appreciative of that. I also think that as sensitive, we tend to live so much in the spirit realm.

Hmm. Um, whatever that looks like for your own spiritual journey. But yeah, in general, energetically, um, mentally we just check out, um, of this body mm-hmm. Because we're paying attention to so many other things that are coming at us, that it's, the, the information is just as strong. It's, it's coming at us at all the same kind of level mm-hmm.

Of information. And so, um, because a spiritual realm is more attractive, because there's more questions there. Mm-hmm. I think we tend to live there more. Um, and I think that's where the disconnect comes from the body. Yeah. And I mean, it could be different. I know that that's the case for me also, pain is not my friend.

Mm-hmm. Except it is my friend.

Jessi: Nice. Yeah. It's, it's hard, but it is your friend. Yeah. Right.

Shiloh: I feel like I'm that friend a lot to a lot of people. Like you are my pain, Shiloh. Um, cause I don't shy away from telling people truths. Yeah. Um, and pain is only telling you truth. Oh, that's, that's awesome. That's so good.

Yeah. It's just telling you truth. Mm-hmm. And it's not gonna lie to you. Pain never lies. Mm-hmm. Um, but it's not posy. It's not gonna make you feel all the good things all the time. But yeah. It's not gonna lie though. Learning to live with pain, um, I think is a mistake. Mm-hmm. Um, because you don't, you shouldn't live with it because when you live with something, you ignore it.

Mm-hmm. Um, I think rather it's, it's more like a child that is screaming all the time. You need to acknowledge that your child is screaming, find out why they're screaming. Um, and then if you can sue that, soothe it. But that's my, that's my take on it. I

Jessi: love that illustration. That's really helpful. Thanks.

Thank you for sharing, Shiloh. I thank you. I have like a few more questions that I, I wanna run by you before I fully let you go. Cause I know there's probably people that are listening, they're like, oh my gosh, tell me more. Um, I think one thing I wanted to talk about a little bit, because this is not something I I see often or hear often, and it's something I'm, I'm personally passionate about.

And I know we've walked through it and I feel like you did a really good job of it. So I want, even though it was hard, I wanna talk about what it looks like to finish a healing season. Because like I said, we all are on a healing journey, but we have these seasons and there is a tendency, especially if you've experienced chronic illness, to just keep going and going and going and going.

Sure, sure. And, uh, I'm really passionate about saying there is a stopping point at which you now don't need me. And there's Right.

Shiloh: That's not cool, man.

Jessi: And I know that. I, I remember being like, I need to have this conversation with Shiloh. It's time. Mm-hmm. Like, she is ready and I can, I felt, um, I felt from you this split of you, you knew you were ready.

I think you knew deep down. I knew, but also this, like, but I love what we've had and I, and I feel so safe with you and I, what if something happens? You know, I want, I want connection. Um, and, and for me as a practitioner to be like fully transparent with you, like, and with everyone listening, there's also that pull of like, oh, I, I've built a relationship with you, you know, and I cherish it and I love being a support system to you.

Um. Mm-hmm. But as a sensitive, it's important for me to acknowledge when I. I, you know, it's like, no, it's time for me. Like, she is good now. She doesn't like, she doesn't Right. Any longer need my partnership. And if I remained, it would create this codependent relationship that is not healthy and would not support you or I, right?

And so it's tough when that starts to arise and you're like, Ooh, it's hard. It's hard. It was so beautiful. I remember having the conversation with you and you being like, okay, I know I was, it was hard, but I was so proud. I was so proud of you and thanks. And even since then, you know, the, the conversations we've had, the dms we've had of just like, yeah, I've seen you work so hard to hold healthy boundaries and to, I try, I try something.

I know. And I'm so, so proud of you and, and also to see you say like, I've got this, you know, like you've taught me, I know what to do. I'm going to trust my body. And even like yeah, with the shingles that recently happened, just getting to hear about that and it's, it's

Shiloh: beautiful.

Jessi: Yeah.

Shiloh: All the guys, I blame her because I caught Covid like a week after we stopped working together.

So I'm just saying, but I, I, and I, you know, you were so good with me cuz it was so brand new that I had, that we had stopped working together that I was like, I know I'm not supposed to ask you, but I don't remember the supplements for Covid. It was, I felt so bad. No, I, because one of the biggest things I think about this health journey is really understanding what boundaries mean and what they are, and boundaries are sacred to me.

And so I'm that person that will be like, if this is the boundary, and I've, I've told you this before too, since we've stopped working together, I've been like, if this is a boundary, you have to tell me. I dunno, but is this the line? Is this the line? Yeah. But it's not me testing it. It's not me trying to find or push or poke or be a grad.

It's just trying to navigate and shift and change, um, relationship. Um, because it's so important to not walk away. So it was hard, like I said. So the transition was difficult. Um, it was true grieving in the sense that I was losing you and my therapist. Two huge supports in my life, my daily life for years.

Mm-hmm. Um, But it was also a beautiful strength because I was healthy. I'm now healthier than most people in the room that I'm in. I still have allergies, but they're resolving, which like what allergies don't resolve unless you've worked with Jesse. Um, that's not a promise people, it's just a, I don't make promises.

No promises, no promises. But you did tell me your allergies will lessen. And I'm like, okay. And guys, my allergies were so bad. Oh yeah. I put a quick

Jessi: rundown on that cause I have no idea like how big of a deal that is.

Shiloh: Oh, okay. Uh, I forget. So, no, I'm allergic to, or I was allergic. I'm not claiming it now, but I was allergic to so many things to the point where my diet was very limited.

Um, it is limited still, but nothing like it was, um, I couldn't leave the house for months. During the spring, summer, sometimes fall. Um, if I did, it would have to be very quick. I couldn't breathe. I was on oxygen tanks, so

Jessi: many prescriptions,

Shiloh: so many, and I'm still on those prescriptions, but I'm coming down off of them.

I'm slowly able to kind of let them go. I've changed out medications since then. I've, um, moved from like Claritin to a holistic version that's healthier for my body, which is actually teaching my body to build histamines. Mm-hmm. Um, right. Histamines, well, whatever. Anyway, it's

Jessi: helpful to properly clear them.

Yeah. Keep going. Yeah. And so it's fine.

Shiloh: And so, but what we learned is that my gut health is the essential key component. Mm-hmm. Now, I will still struggle with some of that until I'm able to come off of the cortisol. Mm-hmm. Steroids, whatever. Once I'm able to get off of all of my inhalers. But to give you an idea, guys, this time last year, I would not have been able to have this conversation for this long, during this time of year.

Uh, the year before that, I wouldn't be able to have a conversation at all. The year before that, I would've been in bed with oxygen. and not moving, cuz moving. I couldn't breathe. Mm-hmm. So yes, I'm still on two inhalers twice a day and a shot I take every two weeks, but it's a different dosage than it was before.

And I'm able to hold a career where I can talk. And I can go outside, not for long periods at the moment, but I can go outside. So during the winter though, I was able to go outside for all day and be fine. Where the year before. So last year, that wasn't a possibility. I could go out for an hour total. Um, so spring, you know, we're in a super bloom here in southern California this year.

Yeah. And you

Jessi: live in the country too, like in the middle? I live in

Shiloh: the country, so it's pretty, pretty intense. It's intense, y'all, but it's, I can, I can handle it. Um, I just, I have air, air filters, I've got all the things, but I'm able to go outside and be okay. And not immediately go, which I was doing so.

The fact that I can heal, and my parents are so cute. They're like, when do we get to get a dog again? Like, you're so healthy now. When can we get a pet? I'm like, yo, hold back. Because they've learned to say no. I'm so, so proud of you right now. I know, right? Well, I'm, I'm getting that dog, Jessie. I know.

You're, I'm, I'm figuring out how to drink that coffee. Right. And I

Jessi: fully support that. I fully support that. As long as it, it chasity remains. Yeah.

Shiloh: Right. Well, and the thing is I'm like, you know, I think we'll be able to really, truly consider it in another year. Yeah. Um, this is not the year, and that's okay.

So if we need to look at puppy pictures to make our little hearts happy, right. But we don't, we don't need that dog right now. And I've, I've been able to test those little kinds of allergies. I've been able to add foods back in. I've been able to appear normal so that when people are like, oh yeah, no, I have allergies too.

I'm like, cool. And I don't go. You have no idea back off. Yeah.

Jessi: Don't even start with me. Right. So healing, healing is a process.

Shiloh: Mm-hmm. But the fact that I'm healthy now is weird. Mm-hmm. It's a really strange feeling and I embrace it because weird is who I am. So love that I embrace the hell Beautiful comes with it.

Yeah. But I forget sometimes how much I've had to work. Mm-hmm. Um, which she told me would happen. Mm-hmm. I was like, no. Okay. Seriously guys, every time Jessie has told me something will happen, and I'm like, no, she's right. So just listen to her. Okay. Oh my gosh. I just like, it's just crazy. Like, yay. So funny.

Jessi: I, one of the questions I had, I realized was, and I feel like we've kind of answered this in our rabbit trail way, but was just mm-hmm. You know, like I said at the beginning, I, one of the biggest feelings I received from you was just this hopelessness, like this just total, not like a ugh, like whiny hopelessness, but just like, I feel like I've tried everything.

Like Right. I, I just, I don't even know anymore. You know, like, is it even like, can you just get me to like a manageable place? Like true health isn't even an option. And no, I

Shiloh: wouldn't even say it was hopelessness. I would just say it was re resignation.

Jessi: Mm. That's a better word. Yeah.

Shiloh: This is where I am. This is my life now.

This is who I am. Accept it. Mm-hmm. I can live a pretty decent life, but could you just get me past this one little part where I can't eat anything but potatoes? Cuz I'd appreciate that. Thanks. Literally, guys, when I first started working with her, all I could eat was potatoes and rice because everything else caused way too much pain.

And I would spend hours on the couch balling up afterwards. So to say I looked model chic was definitely a thing to say. I was desperately unhealthy and malnourished also a thing, not saying ma models are malnourished and unhealthy. I'm saying for me, for my body. Oh.

Jessi: And now like I just, I I I sense so much there.

You've, you've always been joyful. Um, so that's hasn't shifted, you know, in a, in a big way, but more just this underlying like, Oh, this is real. Like I feel like you've just expanded. I think that's a good word of like the world is my oyster now, and I've seen it trickle into other areas where you're like, oh my gosh, I can per like Even the career you're pursuing right now.

Yeah. I just like the fact that this just boomed like right after. Yeah. Like through this whole process, I'm just, Ugh. Like from the allergies to now you're of a narrator, you know, where your voice is not only free. Mm-hmm And you have access to it, but now it's gifted to oth, to authors and to people that are listening and ugh.

I just, I see so much beauty come forward for you. And I'm seriously like, I see such a huge, exciting. Future. And, um, thank you. Yeah. So I'm thrilled

Shiloh: for you. Thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah. There's so much more to talk about, but I know our time's getting closed. Yeah. Is there any other questions? Cuz I'm like, we could do like another four hours on this.

I know. I'm sorry. One, we haven't even touched energy

Jessi: come. Yeah, I know. All right. I know. I've, like, I've tiptoed around the fact that like, you're incredibly clairvoyant and that was, that was really cool too, to like work with you and like tune in together to that and use that for your healing as well. Um, but the one question I have, and I ask all my guests this, it's a fun one.

Okay. If you were a plant of any kind, a flower, an herb, whatever it is, a tree, anything living really mm-hmm. That falls into the plant kingdom, what would you be, what captures your essence?

Shiloh: So I'm joke, I'm laughing inside because we, we have a little joke around my family, um, that I am a wasabi plant. Okay.

Oh, wasabi Plants are notoriously difficult to grow and they catch every disease that comes by. Oh my gosh. They also, they also call me, they, yeah, they also call me hot house orchid because I need a very controlled environment to survive and I'm hot,

very hot, spicy hot, spicy hot. Um, but if I were to choose Yeah, choose for yourself, I would Um hmm. Plants and I are contentious relationships. Um, I love them. They're just try to kill me. So I'm like, um, I would probably, I. I would probably describe myself best as a gerra or Gerber daisy. Um, they're my favorite flower, and they are for a reason.

They're so colorful and open and honest, and yet very different. If you're coming across flowers, you're, you're not gonna be, you can see so many different intricate kinds of petals and closed pets and, you know, wavy petals, and they're everywhere on all these flowers and sunflowers are just like, Daisy, the whole family, like Geber.

I'm like, hello. Okay. So yeah, not only are they just spread out and open, they're, they're gonna be the most vibrant colors that are like, look at me. Mm-hmm. And so I would say that's, that's probably best describes me. I

Jessi: totally see that. I love it. I love it. I literally am picturing

Shiloh: those kid costumes around their.

And then the Shiloh face. That's what I'm picturing right now. Like on the stems. It's like the Teletubbies baby in the sun. Yes. Oh my God. Like I'm in the flower. Yep. That's me guys. That's, I see it. That's beautiful. Oh my gosh.

Jessi: Shiloh, thank you so much for your time, for opening up, sharing your journey. And I know this is just like a toe dip in the bucket, but you are, you are such a radiant light, and it's been an honor to witness your journey and when need to cry, stop.

Shiloh: Sh. Thank you. Let's move on. But honestly, to cry, cry

Jessi: like I'm, I'm just, I'm overwhelmed with pride for you and excitement for you and just so grateful. Um, For you to be this walking light for all the other sensitives that are tuning in right now, even the ones that are in your life that have witnessed you.

And, uh, you are a beautiful embodiment of hope and of perseverance and resilience and courage. You're one of the most courageous people I know you've gone through hell and back, and I've literally witnessed it, and your grit is just insane. So carry on. The world is just blooming in front of you and it's, ugh.

It's just exciting to see. Thanks for

Shiloh: coming up. Thank you. Thank you, Jesse, for having me. It's been a pleasure and more ways than you know, but I've told you you're, you are a light in a godsend, so thank you. I'm terrible with this stuff. You made me cry. Yay. Freaking. Hey, man. Aw, we love you. I'm gonna give you a hug and then I gotta go.

Well

Jessi: done, Shiloh. Thank you so much for coming on, sweetheart. Well, well, well done. Thank you. Yeah,

Shiloh: thank you. Seriously, thank you. And I hope everyone out there understands what a gem she is and that in your journey, if you don't have the opportunity to work with her one-on-one, that's okay, because she's telling you what you need every day in her posts, in her stories, in her groups, in her online classes, everything, podcasts, she's already telling you.

And, um, I don't know if she realizes she's giving it away for free, but she is. It's out there. So, um, anything you can glean, you're gonna be fine. And if you don't get the chance to work with her individually, that's okay. You can still be healthy. Mm-hmm. She's not the key to help. You are. Exactly.

Jessi: Oh, well said.

Well said. Yeah. But

Shiloh: thank you. Ooh, that was a hug. People. That was a hug. With an air hug. They're real. They are real.

Jessi: Hey there. Before you go, let me ask you two quick questions. Are you honoring your natural sensitivity with your current choices? Are you feeling like your healthiest, most authentic self and body? If you answered no to one or both of those questions, I highly recommend trying out my method. It'll get you started. Or you're welcome to work with me one-on-one if you need to address Deeper health imbalances. If you loved this episode, please leave us a review or share it with someone you care about. Your support means the world to us and keeps us going. We wish you all the love and care. À votre santé, my friend.

Connect with Shiloh

• @shicurls

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Natural Sensitive Resources Below:

• Authentic Calm, the podcast

• Mêrfleur Natural Living Recos, for Sensitive-safe products

• Merfleur Library, books to listen to or read

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Episode 40: How to Pursue Big Dreams as a Natural Sensitive Without Losing Your Health

Conversation

Episode 40 Season 3

Are you conscious of the slightest subtleties in others? Are you a lover of quiet downtime? Are you attuned to the details of your environment? Are you most at peace when there is no pressure? And are you deeply affected by nature, music, stories, food, and other forms of art? And have you also been this way for as long as you can?

If yes, then it's quite possible that you are a Natural Sensitive, like me, commonly referred to as a highly sensitive person. A Natural Sensitive is simply someone whose sensitivity is innate, healthy, and a gift to everyone it touches. Welcome to the Naturally Sensitive podcast, a show for the holistically minded, natural sensitive.

Here we talk all things sensitive and natural. My name is Jessi Michel Agadoni, and I am your naturally sensitive health guide and. My purpose in this lifetime is to help you cultivate a beautiful, rich life void of constant overwhelm, anxiety, depression, autoimmunity, or any other imbalance that could prevent you from having the impact I believe you are called to have on this world, my functional healthcare practice, me floor wellness, and my unique method teaches Natural Sensitives like you, how to build sustainable health by honoring their natural sensitivity. I created this space as a free resource to share what I've learned through my own life, and also had the honor of witnessing in the lives of my sensitive clients. I do this because I truly believe that if all Natural Sensitives have the support to live as their unique body's request, this world could be a much more beautiful and peaceful place.

So today we will take yet another step towards creating this healing reality together. Let's dive in.

Jessi Michel Agadoni:  Hello my Sensitives. Welcome back to the podcast. We are nearing the end of our season three. We just have a few more episodes and then we will be, Stepping into season four, which is still rolling around in my brain. I have some fun ideas. I'm excited. Um, I won't, I won't breach those ideas quite yet, but, uh, we'll be taking a fun little turn, uh, just as far as like what we're gonna be talking about as natural sensitive.

So really excited for that today. I just, I wanted to dive into a question, uh, that I have been asked by a dear client and friend, and honestly has come up pretty often with sensitives, especially in my one-on-one care when I'm I, that that space is so intimate and special and unique. We, it's not just health work, it's obviously that's the base and that's the, the main.

Subject and focus of our time together. But health is actually quite a big topic and how you move through life, how you think, how you feel, that's all wrapped up in it. And so the concepts of kind of how to navigate life as a natural sensitive are something that we dive into together because not only am I a health guide, but I'm a natural sensitive health guide.

So I have that personal expertise as well as the honor of being able to witness many other sensitives and how they're navigating life and getting to kind of get an inside view, um, and of sensitives that have had, uh, quite a lot of success in life. And so I think that's also just a huge privilege that I then get to share with you guys and that that really inspires a lot of what I discussed and, uh, really.

Affirms what it is that I teach. So, ah, so today we're gonna talk about how to navigate big dreams as a sensitive, and most sensitives are huge dreamers. It's kind of part of the trait that isn't discussed often. I see it described as like achievers and perfectionists and uh, just people that wanna rise to the top and absolutely that's there too.

Uh, but it's also just straight up. We're dreamers, we're imaginative, we're creative. We're often driven, whether it's consciously or subconsciously by our, our, the right side of our brain, right? The creative world in our mind. And so obviously there's a spectrum, and this may not apply to everyone, but uh, I know it sure does for me.

I am a huge dreamer. Uh, that's probably the label a lot of my friends would be, would give me right off the bat. I tend to have, yes, high expectations for life and for myself, but even beyond that, I, I think big and I want to go big and I have always loved, I'm just gonna say I've always loved the spotlight and I've had a lot of shame around that for years.

And I'm just now kind of embracing it. Uh, when I was young, I absolutely adored performing, uh, making people laugh, uh, just being in front of people and talking and demonstrating and yeah, just speaking all these kinds of things. I just loved it. And then, Uh, yeah, just have had numerous things in life that have really kind of toned that down a ton.

Um, and literally right now I am personally working on that and myself. So I wanna say that right off the bat, that if you have big dreams, like big ass dreams, uh, that, and by that I mean that the average individual that you would talk to, family, friends, the person at the grocery store, your peer at work would kind of like scoff and laugh at you and be like, maybe even say, who do you think you are?

And kind of almost be offended, like, how dare you want something that big and um, Even if you're, they agree that you're massively talented, they may naturally kind of step in and say, that's not, that's not truly possible. And we could talk for hours about why that happens. That's a whole nother conversation.

But we're not here to talk about them. We're here to talk about you. And so today, I, I want to encourage you to not be afraid of those big dreams because per usual, on this podcast, this is all my opinion. Um, so take it or leave it. But I truly believe that the desires in our heart are given to us, are wired into us.

And so if you have a passion, especially something you've had since you were young, that you've just buried, uh, but it's just, it's there. It lingers. It never goes away. And you're just like, I, I just feel deep down that. I'm meant to be this kind of person. I'm meant to play this kind of role in life, or I'm meant to accomplish this kind of thing, or whatever it is.

Invite that back in. Don't be afraid of it. Go on the adventure. And so today, let's talk about that. Let's talk about what does that mean to go on the adventure. And then the real question is, how do I maintain health as I pursue something big, as a natural sensitive? Uh, cuz it's per usual gonna look very different than someone who is not naturally sensitive.

That's pursuing a big thing. Uh, whether again, whether it's owning a business, whether it's being an actress, whether it's being a professional athlete, whether it's just whatever it is, that is your big, big dream. You can do it as a natural sensitive. This trait is not here to hold you back. It's here to enhance you.

So I think where we get confused is that we try to do the thing as if we were not naturally sensitive, because we often only have people in our lives, that have, maybe people we see that have done what we wanna do are often not natural sensitives. And so we're like, oh, that's the route that's what I have to do in order to arrive where they arrived.

And that is the biggest lie. You can take a completely different road and arrive at the same place. There are many paths to the same destination. And so I've learned this on so many different levels. Um, I've learned this with school, I've learned this with career. I've learned this with running a business.

I've learned this with relationships. I've learned this in so many areas of my life. Uh, I. And I'm currently learning it yet again in an, in another area. That's a huge, big dream for me that I backburnered for a long time. And is that a word, backburnered? I just made it a word and now I'm actively taking steps towards it, which is exciting and also terrifying.

Um, so let's talk about this. Okay, so we've established that you should pursue your dreams. Yes, there it is. We've established that. Now what do we do? So the first thing I would say is you need to know yourself. And this applies across the board. So this is gonna help you in all areas of life if you haven't already done this.

And as sensitives, we, we tend to pride ourselves on kind of, not kind of, of being very reflective, being very self-aware, being very observant, but we're still human. And we definitely still avoid, and we may not be really, truly understanding ourselves because of numerous factors, trauma, whatever, someone just speaking over us and telling us we can't be what we are naturally meant to be.

So digging into that work, and I have so many episodes on that, um, it's so, so important to really dive into your authenticity, right? That overused word now, but it's, there's nothing else that captures that same essence. And so you have to be authentic in your life, and in order to be authentic, you have to know who the fuck you are, right?

And oftentimes we think we know who we are, but really who we are is a mishmash of all the people that we've been around, who we've been raised by, who we've been surrounded by, who we've tried to impress, who we want to be, as opposed to like clearing the slate and saying, who am I at the core? So a lot of beautiful systems are available for this human design astrology.

Uh, if you want a less subjective one, you can go Enneagram. You can go Myers Briggs. I'm not as huge fan of those because they're just, they're very subjective to who you already think you are. So they're kind of prone to leaning into conditioning and leaning into misunderstandings of yourself based off other people's reflections back to you.

So if you feel really lost, like don't start there, start with human design or astrology. Uh, and nothing beats just straight up alone time and self-reflection and asking yourself honest, honest questions and getting real and raw with yourself. And this is something I think we're really good at as sensitives.

And so I have confidence you don't actually need a lot of prompting in that area. Um, but in case you do, I just did a round of this this morning, so it's very fresh in my mind. Um, I am, I guess I'll tell you guys this now, this is a little side note. I am, uh, adding to and morphing my method to. It needs an update.

Like I, I wrote it. I created it, oh gosh, like, honestly a year and a half ago, maybe, almost two years. And it just took me forever to make it happen. And then it just, ugh, it was this whole thing. If you've listened to my episodes, you know, it's been a journey. Uh, perfect example of having a smaller dream and.

Going the distance and journeying through it. Uh, but I have just, I'm constantly growing. I'm constantly evolving. And so my method has evolved with me. And so I need to update it and kind of rework it. And then I'm gonna actually, gosh, I'm just giving you all this information. I'm going to rebrand it. Um, and it's going to be very specific to natural sensitives, not just the authentic calm method and uh, which it was for sensitive, but like I have just gotten so much deeper into it.

Uh, so my expertise is just expanded beyond, way beyond. And, uh, I also wanna give really, really practical supports like direct supplement guidance and dosing and all of that. Long story short, where was I going with that? Uh, so as part of the method, this is this new form of the method that's gonna be coming forward whenever I'm done with it.

Um, there's a lot of, not a lot of, there is very specific, uh, elements that I'm considering adding in, and I haven't, I'm not a hundred percent yet. I'm still sitting with it. It's something that I personally do and I do do with my one-on-one clients, but I've been trying to roll over my head if it's ready to be implemented into the method.

Yet. This is a crazy amount of context to say I was in my meditative state, my reconnection time, and. I felt drawn to really coach myself through reflection. And so I have many different tools for this. Uh, but this morning I used one that's related to my organ system, which is something I'd love and hope to teach you guys.

Um, I basically was just kind of asking God, like I have, I'll be, I'll be even more specific. I have a wound on my face, which if you're on Zoom you can see. And if you've seen my pictures, you know, about, uh, that has just really had a hard time healing. It's so bizarre. It's just taking forever to seal up and close and resolve.

And I have other things all over me that are healing no problem. It's just this one area. And if you know anything about health, uh, your body is an expression of what's going on inside. And so for me it's just asking where do I have. Um, there's multiple different layers. Like it's on my, my kidney, uh, spot.

When you're thinking TCM and facial reflexology, it's also just an open wound. And so for me, I was really playing with, okay, you know, what emotions are tied to my kidneys and, uh, where do I just straight up have open wounds that I have not healed yet, which is, I mean, the list, you know, it's quite long, but I just allowed myself to sit there and reflect on the emotions that are tied into the kidney, which again, I'm hoping to, if not with this round, maybe the next round of the method teach you.

Uh, and I just sat there and asked myself, do I feel these emotions? What is, where, where are they coming forward? And I allow whatever just floats into my mind without effort to come forward. So for me, two strong memories just boom, boom, uh, came right in and I knew, oh, that's right. I remember those. So memories that you have from childhood, um, even young adulthood that are just very strong.

Even if you don't understand, you're like, why do I have that memory? There's a reason your body is holding onto it. It's cuz you haven't finished processing it yet. And so for me, that has potentially manifested as a wound that's not healing on my face. Uh, my body is asking me to face this, um, and saying, we're not gonna go away.

We're not gonna heal this until you face this, Jess. And so I sat there and I just let it roll. I let the memory of the one, the one memory come forward. And I, I, for me, I'm an outlaw processor, so I verbalize. I verbalize how I feel. I've, I, I envision who I'm talking to and, uh, I do a lot of other things. Uh, I don't wanna give too much information, but I just, I take a moment and I really process how I feel about it.

And if I need to ask for forgiveness, if I need to be, uh, to receive love, if I needed, whatever it is I need in that moment, I invited in and, um, and this is just me by the way. I'm not actually talking to the person. I'm just envisioning and using my imagination to create the scenario where I would have the opportunity to talk to the other person.

And so I did that with both of these memories. And you guys, it was so beautiful. Um, I was able to open up some deep things and have really great cries, which I think is so healthy and healing personally, and just feel really af you know, it's done when you just feel this big weight lift and you feel so just.

Your heart feels settled. So that is an example of how you can start to get to know yourself. You can, uh, use many different prompters. You could, uh, go into human design and just learn about it. If you're someone that enjoys learning, that's a great way to kind of understand yourself. Again, it's still other people's opinions and their interpretations of the system.

So be aware of that, uh, and see what brings true for you as you read it. Um, you can just sit with yourself and move through reflection. The current, uh, version of the method has a really beautiful, uh, authentic rhythm reveal, which, what is what it's called, but I think I even have it as an oli carte option.

May or may not, I'm be speaking out of turn on that. But you can go to my website and you can either join the method or you can, uh, I think it's an all a card option. The authentic rhythm reveal. I should know that. I'm sorry guys. I'm not very good at like what I'm selling or doing. I'm always like so future oriented.

If I did it, it's done. Like it's in the past, I don't even remember what I did. Um, so that can be a really beautiful way if you need prompters to kind of get to know yourself. Okay, now for those of you that are like, yeah, done that, Jesse, I've been in the work for years and years. I know who I am. That's not the problem.

Uh, the problem is I have these big dreams and I know who I am and I've started to take steps. Uh, towards this dream, but I keep losing my destination , uh, I get overwhelmed. I self-sabotage. I maybe even I have some success, but then I get stressed about like, well, what if I get even more success? Will I be able to handle that?

Will my nervous system shut down? Will I get sick? Will I, um, not be able to handle it all? You know? So I think just in general, as sensitive, we start to feel the pressure. And especially if we have a lot of self-critique in us naturally, and we're performers and people pleasers. We we're trying to like maintain all of our niceties while also trying to pursue this huge goal and keep ourselves from collapsing.

So if that's you been there, um, and my recommendation for you is to go back to remember who you are and to solidify that one more time. And make sure that you really, really get it. And I know it's an evolving process and you're never fully gonna know I get that. But just make sure that you're not assuming who you are.

Make sure that you really know. Then it's time to build a solid, sturdy foundation. And that is actually my specialty. That's literally like what I do is help you either recover from going for that big dream and then collapsing or uh, building you up so that you have the stamina, you have the capacity to pursue it.

Okay. So that can look like many different things, but the first thing I would say is creating a routine of some kind Now, Depending on if you're someone that really likes consistency or someone that needs variety, you need to filter this out according to who you are. I personally need a little bit of both.

So I call my routes to things, loose structure because I do need some parameters as far as like how I move through my life. I call it your rhythm. Uh, but I don't want to be trapped, like, don't tell me what to do. It's my attitude usually. Um, I don't like to be bored either. And so that has a lot to do with tuning into your own body, but it's important that you create a baseline, uh, stability in multiple areas of your life.

So let me give you some specific examples here, uh, of what I do so that you can then take it and interpret it as you need for me. I like to create my foundation in the morning, and the foundation for me looks like a routine, a loose structure, and that loose structure looks like waking up. Um, I do a lot of basic things like I drink water, I take certain supplements, um, I brush my teeth and then I come back into my room and I do a whole yoga sequence that.

Sometimes shifts. I do it based off my body. If I'm, uh, moving through my menses, I have a very specific one I do. Um, I make sure I don't, you know, bring my hips above my head, things like that. Uh, if I'm not, then I, and I feel really energized, I'll push myself a little bit more. If I'm feeling really tired, I'll focus more on lengthening and softening and opening my heart and my lungs and my hips.

Uh, so I do base it off how I feel. But I know I'm, I'm going to do yoga and it may take 10 minutes, it may take 30 minutes, you know, but anywhere between there, I have about 30 minutes that I set aside for yoga cuz that's just speaks to me. I feel so good when I stretch and lengthen and open up and I like using my own body weight for exercise.

So that's that. And then I move directly into my reconnection. And I actually now do my reconnection sitting up. Uh, I found that I just like it better and I can move straight into other things. So I, I like to stack my, my routine, my foundation. So I step straight into, uh, I guess this actually varies a little bit, but I'll do my reconnection, which if you don't know what that is, that's simply a meditation where we physically touch the body and we remember that we are a 3D body, uh, that we are not just these spirits floating around, these minds floating around, these emotions floating around, we're actually contained, uh, which is really important as a sensitive, because that is your really, your first boundary is your body.

Um, and it's what holds who you are. It's what holds your soul and all that you are. And so it's something to respect and understand. It's something that has limits that you need to honor. Which is our biggest struggle, sensitives. And so by reconnecting, by literally touching our body and going, oh yeah, that's right, I'm here.

Hello, hello. Organ systems. I literally talk to my organs as I move through. I pray over my organs. I invite spontaneous healing into my organs. I invite regeneration. I invite whatever it is I feel called to in that moment. It can take so many different forms, but I move through my body and then I just open it up.

And either I'll just have a freeform talk with God. I'll have something more focused and structured like I did this morning. Why I really wanted focus on like, what the hell's going on with this wound? Why would it heal? I'm so frustrated. And to really dive into like, what, okay, I know, I know, I know stuff, so I'm gonna dive into what I know.

And um, I do have a lot of tools personally that allow me to do that. And you may have different kinds of tools, which are beautiful, uh, but that is kind of what generally it looks like. And then from there, I have other, other things I do, but. I do that every morning, Monday through Friday, and then Saturday and Sunday I'm allowed to do whatever the hell I want, uh, because I need breaks.

And I, I don't like to be so consistent that I don't get like a vacation in a way from even my own structure. But this is something that I can take into any situation. So if I'm on a trip, if I'm, you know, visiting someone or, um, I had to go somewhere for work, or even if I'm in a really gnarly season of busyness, I will fight for this foundation because when I move through that practice, which I've personally curated into my own thing that works for me, yours could look totally different.

I'm able to find my grounding and granted, like within 15 minutes of that, I could be faced with some really intense, uh, situations, right? But, If I don't do it, oh my goodness. It's, I am a mess. I am just, I'm forgetting to eat. I'm anxious. I am floaty. I'm not in my body. I'm running around like a chicken with her head cut off, and I'm not doing my best work.

I'm not reaching for my dream in the way that I want to, and I burn myself out very quickly. And then I'm like, oh, I don't know if you guys relate to this. I'm like, oh, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I guess I'm just not good enough. I guess. I'm just, I failed again, you know, and everyone's right. I am weak.

I am like unable to like be resilient and maintain this and whatever, or I'm lazy or I'm, or I'm, I'm just too shy or I'm not a risk taker. Like bullshit. It's not any of that. It's that your body needs. A certain type of care, a certain type of foundation in order to thrive. Uh, and most people that aren't sensitives, they need something too.

But it might simply be like, oh, I like had my coffee and just close my eyes for 15 minutes and I was like, ground it, you know? And like, bless you. Like, I takes me like an hour and a half to get grounded. So good for you. Um, but as Sensitives we have to live differently. That's the bottom line. And until you are destination at that, you're gonna be fighting yourself and you're, you're not, even if you make it, it's gonna be in a way that you're not proud of or that you're not gonna be able to sustain.

I'm just gonna be perfectly honest with you. So if you want to go for something big, You have to know who you are. You have to be able to build a foundation that you can take with you wherever you go, that will allow you to come back into your body and to remember who you are so that when you go into your day, let's talk about what the next thing is.

When you go into your day number three, you're able to remain you. Okay? Because that is the first thing that tends to go is we get, when we're not aware of who we are, when we're not grounded in our body, we merge and we get pulled into everyone else's lives and everyone else's desires into everyone else's needs from us.

And we lose sight of why we're here, who we are, what it is we actually wanna do, and we just get overwhelmed. Um, we drown. And so, and we lose ourselves. So that, like I said, even if we're able to like just grit our way to the end. And collapse on the finish line. Like it's not, that's not the way you wanna win, right?

That's not the way you wanna arrive. You wanna arrive vibrant, you wanna arrive, ready to go. Cuz when you achieve your dream, it's not like it's done, right? Most dreams that I'm aware of, it's when you get your break or you get the opportunity, or you, you make it. That's just the beginning. Like, that's just the beginning.

And so you've gotta be ready to go. And I, you want to be ready to go, right? Like, I know I do. I, I wanna be just this filled up vessel that's just ready to explode goodness on everyone when I reach that, that point of, of my dream. And so that requires remaining true to who you are. Because otherwise you can get redirected and end up somewhere that you didn't intend to land, uh, or you end up where you wanted to go, but you're not the person you wanted to be.

You had to become someone else. You had to step away from the way you wanted to do it. So I think it's really important that, like I said in the very beginning, you understand how it is that you are wired to go about reaching your dream because just because that famous person did it this way, it doesn't matter.

That doesn't mean that's how you're meant to do it. You have to check back in and say, how, who am I? How, what are my giftings? What are my natural tendencies? What makes me thrive? Okay, plug and play. What is the dream that I want? How could I marry these things? How could I marry who I am naturally without forcing anything?

Without pretending, without performing? Who am I naturally and how can I, from that place, move towards this goal? Now if you're like, I have no idea, Jess, I, I've never seen it done. It feels impossible to me, then that is a big adventure and it will require a lot of coming back to your foundation, tuning into who you are, reconnecting with your body, building up strength.

Honoring what your body asks for. Because every day you're gonna have to reset and go, am I still on track? Am I still true to who I am? Am I still living as God created me to live? Or am I starting to falter? Am I starting to prioritize other people? Am I starting to put my health on the back burner? Am I starting to say, uh, maybe I don't really need to be that maybe I can kind of, you know, like just move beyond that.

It's, it's just, I don't want the conflict of having to explain myself or having to say, I'm not going to do it that way. Or telling someone no. Or saying, thank you for the opportunity, but that's actually not the way I wanna do it. Do you still wanna work with me and being brave enough to hear a no? Um, or to even say that, you know, you don't know if they'll say no.

They may say like, oh, no problem. We can totally go it another way. But that's what's hard for us is sensitive so that we're literally sensitive, like we're so. In touch with how everyone's feeling. And we also have our own developed sensitivities, right, that are layered on top of our natural sensitivities that can clog and really cloud our lenses so we can start to even project, which is like, that is the worst when you're naturally sensitive.

And on top of that you're projecting. Cuz then you're picking up on everyone else's emotions and everyone else's experiences and then putting what they're thinking into a situation, you create a whole situation that's not even there. Right? And that can be the literal foundation for so many different kinds of issues.

And I see that all the time. I do it all the time. I've gotten way better, but it's, it's very natural for us to do that. So, uh, those are things to be aware of Now. Let's back up a little bit again to like, how do we build that foundation to get even more specific? So I gave an example of kind of a routine or a rhythm.

Uh, that's how I, I love to do it, and it's my reconnection practices in there. I have some yoga, some movement in there. I have some authenticity checkpoints. I have, uh, just space sometimes to listen to music, to, uh, to just be, and to even ask myself some hard questions. Uh, I journal as well. I take flower remedies.

I have a whole, I, I really stack a lot of things into this, this little space. And sometimes it's really fast, sometimes it's really long, depending on what's going down. Uh, but on top of that, when you look at the rest of your day, when you look at how you are scheduling your calendar, these are all things that need to be done in alignment with who you are.

Not who you're supposed to be, not who, someone who is famous and got that thing, how they do it, not how your parents did it. Not even how, I don't know, just anyone in your life, uh, tells you to do it. It's not how the book, the Instagram influencer, whoever your expert is that has the voice in your head, shut them up because you will never understand who you are if you're constantly tuning in to other people.

It's, it's so, it's so challenging. Um, some of us are a little better at it than others. I personally, and in human design, I have an open mind and an open and many other open things. I'm very sensitive. I have to be very cautious about using things like Instagram or reading books or listening to podcasts cuz I can get so swayed so easily, uh, by other people and their opinions and how it should be done.

And, I love shortcuts. I think we all do. So when we hear someone that's like made it, we're like, oh, destination , I can like skip a bunch of steps, right? And like get there. But if you're wired like me, if you have the 35 to 36 journal and there's other ones too in human design, um, or you have a three anywhere in your profile or a six, you know, that you have to learn through experience.

And that has been my biggest lesson is that I can't, I can't skip that. I can't just be heady about it. Like I have to actually get my body in there and try things. I can't just listen to an expert and assume it's gonna work for me. I have to. So in that way, you're gonna be experimenting a ton. And so when you first start going for your dreams, it might look a little, uh, crazy.

Like you might be like, okay, that didn't work. Like that was not supportive. And it will, it will take some time. But you do that as you're reaching for the goal. So as you take a step towards, towards the dream, you're also taking steps towards becoming more authentic, towards building that foundation, towards, uh, learning how to implement your authenticity in relationships in real life, not just in your head, not just in that quiet space in the morning, but actually like having those conversations that could potentially lead to conflict or could potentially cause a reaction in someone that is scary, um, or challenging or.

Whatever. And so it's, it's really embracing risk, not just in the actions of pursuing the dream, but also in the actions of like how you go about pursuing the dream and how you choose to live the rest of your life outside of pursuing that dream. Because it's all related. It's all related. How confident you are with friends is how confident you're gonna be pursuing that dream.

I know that might seem weird, but how confident you are with your family is how confident you're gonna be when you're pursuing your dream. So working on how being your truest self with family, friends, peers, random strangers is going to help you with the pursuit of that dream. Um, Let's say you wanna be a professional athlete and you're like, okay, like how do I pursue that authentically?

Like I'm on a team. Oh, there's so many things. There's e think of the tiny things first. Don't go for the big crazy stuff. Like, oh my gosh, what do you mean think small? Think how do my, uh, teammates, like, maybe my teammates like to do this before a game, or they like to recover post-game like this, but that actually doesn't work for me and I need to do it this way.

Or maybe it is the same as them and that's fantastic. Honor that. But you've got to be okay with separating yourself at any point in anything. Um, and be able to stand up and say, Hey guys, I love this. Love you. This isn't actually gonna allow me to be successful. I know we're a team and I know like. We all need to be success.

Like we all need to be our best selves in order to be successful as a team. So I actually need to do this to be successful. So I will see you in a minute. I'm gonna go over here and do this, right? So just identifying where you are. And a flip of that is ask yourself, where am I people placing? Where am I merging with people?

Where am I just giving into, uh, the rhythms? Where am I joining? Right? And not that there's anything necessarily wrong with joining, but if you are trying to pursue a big dream, oh, this is gonna sound interesting. I'm just gonna let this out. It needs to be about you.

That's scary to say, right? Because that sounds so selfish. Um, It does need to be about you though. If you're going for a big dream, you need to put yourself first, even if you're in a team setting, and it's not that you don't care about your team, it's not that you're not a team player, it's that your first responsibility is this body.

And if you have a tendency to just kind of skip over yourself and go first for whatever everyone else is doing, just kind of joining everyone without any thought, without going, hold up. Is this the best thing for me? Think about it. Move through it. Oh, you know what? Actually it is. This does work for me.

This is great. Easy. Boom. Then join. If as you go through that process, you're like, oh, actually this is not going to gimme the result I want, or even there's something better. Choose those. And obviously there's times where you're like, You know, working for a coach, it's not like you're gonna be like, coach, I don't wanna do this.

This one exercise, like, um, you know, obviously you have to, there's things that you're gonna have to join, but where you have flexibility, and you might be surprised how much flexibility there is, talk to your coach, talk to your uh, agent, talk to your whoever, you know, that's like working with you on this.

Your manager, um, your business partner, whomever, uh, your coach, your business coach. That's what I was thinking. You know, they may be more flexible than you realize. And again, because if, if the foundation isn't like, oh, I'm just trying to be a rebellious bitch, you know, or I'm just trying to be too much, or emotional, whatever, just being very clear of like, Hey, look, I am here for this dream.

I'm here for this team. I'm here for this effort. I'm here for this vision. I'm here for this goal. And in order to reach that, I wanna be the best that I can be, and I'm sensing that I actually need something different. Would you be open to me going this way? And that's where, you know, they can say yay or nay.

And if they say nay, then you get a second opportunity to, to confirm like, is this still the right fit for me? Is this person still the right fit for me? Is this team still the right fit for me? Is this route still the right fit for me? Or do I need to reset? You should constantly, Hmm, I shouldn't say constantly.

You should be asking yourself that often. Uh, not because you're questioning the dream or questioning if you're worthy, all of that, but more of just, it's these little subtle tweaks of, am I still on on my path here? Or have I started to falter off and kind of get fuzzy? Is it still clear for me? Am I still aware?

And I do wanna say this too. Uh, this is a human design note. Some of us are here to have very specific goals, and we're gonna reach those specific goals. And some of us are here to have, we will have specific goals and dreams, but our goals and dreams may not necessarily be as, they may not manifest as specifically as we thought they would, but we're going towards a big dream.

And generally we're going to get there. That's some, I'm one of those people. I'm not here where I'm like, oh, I'm gonna be like this kind of person with this exact kind of, uh, Title or this kind of pay, or this kind of, uh, this home with this color door. That's not how God and I communicate and work. Uh, mine's more like I'm going to feel like this.

I'm going to, uh, generally impact people at this kind of level. I would love to have this kind of role, but it can look many different ways. And, uh, and so it'll come forward kind of more generally, but it's still this huge dream that's going to be destination those are destination things to uncover for yourself of like, am I specific?

Am I non-specific? Uh, that can help you navigate the different decisions that are gonna be constantly coming across your path if you're a big dreamer. What else have we not talked about? Okay, so to get more nitty gritty about the physical, uh, I want you to dig into questions like, how could I optimize things like my sleep?

How could I optimize what it is that I'm eating? How could I optimize what supplements I'm taking? You guys know, I'm such a fan of supplements, so we don't even need to have that conversation again. But I'm a huge fan of supplementation. Um, and, you know, maybe it is getting a little bit of training yourself so you know what you need or maybe it's working with someone or whatever.

Making sure that you are in a place of optimization instead of a place of deficiency. Of depletion, really is the best word. So when you're in stage two, right, we talked about stage one again, is knowing yourself. Stage two is building foundation. Stage three is being authentic, staying true to who you are as you pursue the goal.

Um, so that you arrive as who you wanna be when you get the opportunity, right? Uh, so the foundation part, it's, it's just. It's so important that your body is full of capacity. And as sensitives, what I have generally experienced is that we are so depleted. We are so run down because we have not been living differently.

We have been living as joiners, we've been living as mergers. We've been living like everyone else around us. Uh, mostly because we didn't know we were different. Um, like truly, truly we didn't, we didn't allow ourselves to believe that we really were different cuz that was scary and it sounded like a bad thing.

But now that, you know, it's a gifting, but it's a wiring intended to help you arrive at your dream. Like you were given a dream and you were giving your sensitivity. So they're meant to help each other. Uh, so the more you honor your sensitivity, the more you're honoring the dream. Think about it that way.

Okay. So when you're thinking about sleep, maybe you're, I'm gonna think about the professional athlete. Again, your teammates like don't need that much sleep, but you do make sure that you get into a habit outside of the team of sleeping really, really deeply and really, really well build up a huge storage in a way of sleep so that when you do get the opportunity to join that professional team and you're traveling and moving around or whatever, that you're not in a deficit zone.

Maybe it's a little challenging, maybe you're not able to get as much sleep as you need, because there always are compromises, right? We're humans. That's life. But you have such a backlog that you're good. But if you had been just joining, you know, the team before, or you'd been just hanging out with other people that didn't need as much sleep and you didn't build up those reserves, You're gonna be screwed when the opportunity is planted in front of you.

And it's of course gonna affect your play. It's of course gonna affect your body function, your recovery, all of that, right? So it's, it's thinking about how can I prepare, how can I prepare? I'm trying to remember, uh, this statement, this famous statement that I, I'm gonna butcher it. But basically the idea, my husband and I talk about this a lot cause we're both big dreamers, is that luck is simply opportunity that meets preparation.

So I, again, I don't think I'm saying it correctly, but bottom line is that luck is not something that just like, oh, it's just like, woo, it happened. You know? And someone just got so lucky and they just, it just happened for them. Like, if someone received an opportunity and they weren't ready, they're going to fail.

And then it's not gonna be considered luck. Right? But if they are ready, And they're given an opportunity and they succeed. Everyone's gonna be like, oh my gosh, they're so lucky. Like, where did they come from? They just had this instant success. But that person every time will tell you, if you only knew all of the hours I put into preparing my body, my mind, my spirit, knowing who I am, holding myself accountable, reaching, dreaming, believing, staying true for this one moment, you would, you would not call that look, you know?

But that is how we tend to see it from an outside perspective, is it looks like this spontaneous, um, occurrence. It's just like, oh, they were just blessed in that moment. You know? Um, and that's not really how I, it works. I, I really feel like we. Invite. We also magnetically and frequency wise, energy-wise, invited in.

The more that we lean into it. So the more that you honor something like sleep, the more you're not just telling your body, but you're telling God. You're telling the universe, you're telling the wiring of our world that you are ready for this role, that you're capable. And the opportunity's gonna come closer and closer and closer and closer.

And so the question is really, how good do you wanna be when the opportunity arrives? How healthy do you wanna feel when the opportunity arrives? How resilient, how solid do you wanna feel when the opportunity arrives? And so it's not about, oh, what am I going to do when it comes? It's about, what am I doing now because it's coming.

Right? Woo. Exciting. Yeah. Woohoo. So the dream can come, it will come. The dream will come. So what are you doing to honor your sensitivity? Because again, your sensitivity is wired into it. You need your sensitivity. Be successful. Bottom line, you have to have it. You have to honor it. And so how can you lean into that more now in every area of your life, down to sleep, down to food, down to calendar time, down to morning practices, evening practices, uh, relationships, your ability to communicate in tough situations.

Are you practicing standing up for yourself in small moments so that you can grow and do it in big moments, uh, when you're offered the opportunity. That is not the opportunity you wanted, but it's so darn close. Will you be so true to yourself that you'll say, no, thank you. That's not actually what I want.

Even though it's so tempting because it looks so good, but that's not, I wouldn't be able to sustain that because that's not quite right for how I'm wired and, and what I'm shooting for and who I am. And to be able to have that kind of state of mind, that state of clarity, that state of capacity even is huge.

And it's honestly so rare, but you are wired and able to do that because as a sensitive, you have this deep natural perception, this beautiful ability to connect into yourself, to know who you are. If you just put in the time and you put in the effort. And so that part for me is. Not really what's gonna be challenging for you once you get it down, once you're able to kind of navigate the relationship part of living it out.

That's the hardest part. It's the potential of conflict, um, and the feelings that arise from people's reactions to you, right? Once you're able to kind of get comfy with that, which that just takes a but load of practice, just to be honest with you, it just takes a lot of, uh, trying it out and like crashing and burning or being like, oh, that actually went well, and just learning from it.

Um, moving through it, moving through it. Once you're able to really establish that, the body resilience part is where you can put all your energy and all your focus and. That's really, I think, the hardest part for us naturally, because we're so out, we're such out of body people, it's really hard to be in our bodies.

And if you're a natural sensitive and you're like in human design, a generator or mangen, and you may actually feel more in your body, um, it may be a lot easier for you to be like, no, I'm connected to my body. But just make sure you are, because you can still lose it. Uh, but tune in. Um, ways to know you're not connected to your body would be if your body starts giving you messages.

Sing. I'm in pain, I'm uncomfortable. Here's a wound that won't heal. Uh, here's an emotion that's gonna overwhelm you. Here is a joint that's gonna inflame. Here is an acne breakout. Here is a random cold. Here is, uh, all sorts of things like your body expresses itself through symptoms. Uh, I call them body messages.

And they, they can be both emotional. They can be both like physical manifestations, which they're really tightly, it's almost hard to separate them cuz they're very similar. If you have an emotional thing, it's usually comes out as physical very quickly. Um, but as you start to see these things come forward, uh, it can be a sign that, oops, something's off.

I'm disconnected somewhere. And not that you need to get all like, freaked out about that, but just kind of go, okay, I might need to like, take a beat, tune in, ask myself some questions, really get in there. And, you know, if you've created some sort of foundational rhythm, um, maybe that's at night, maybe it's mid-afternoon, maybe it's while your kiddo naps, maybe it's in the car on the way to work.

I don't know. It can be different for everyone. Um, maybe it is like me. It is in the morning, like right in front of your bed, just doing it, you know, uh, doing your yoga, doing your meditation, doing your prayers, doing whatever, uh, that you start to ask those questions of like, okay, why? Why am I feeling this physical sensation?

Why am I feeling overwhelmed by this emotion? Um, why did I yell at my partner last night for no reason or for an inappropriate, you know, a reason that wasn't connected to the actual experience? Like, what's going on with me? Why am I feeling this? Or maybe why am I feeling depressed? Why am I feeling anxious?

Why can't I get past this? Just gently allow yourself to ask those questions, and then if you're not able to resolve it yourself, um, That's where you bring in someone else. You bring in an expert, uh, that will respect who you are as a sensitive and will respect your authenticity. So an example of this, like when I work with clients, and there's other people that do this too, you don't have to work with me, but when I work with clients, I will give a recommendation and ask them how does that feel?

And I give them space to kind of tune in. And if they're like, you know, that just doesn't sit right with me, or, or that thing you said actually before really felt good to me, we will honor that and we will go with that other thing. Even if in my little logical mind I'm like, well, you know, from the research and from, oh, well, like this is the better option.

But the body never lies. The body is what we wanna honor and respect. And so make sure you have an expert. In whatever, um, you're seeking help with, make sure that they're open to that and they're not just trying to shove their approach on you. Like, ignore what you have to say because that's just run, run from those people.

Uh, you want someone that will be like, okay, tell me what's going on. How do you feel? Okay, here's my recommendation. How do you feel about that? Let's talk about this. Maybe there's, you know, um, we, you just always wanna personalize it and make sure that it works for who you are. Again, an example of learning how to stay true to your authenticity, stay true to your wiring.

Uh, this is, this is how you build a healthy foundation. So there's probably other ways I could have described this, so if you have other questions or I didn't answer, Excuse me, something that came up. Uh, please reach out. I, I love, I love, love, love doing podcasts on questions from you guys, because sometimes I run out of experiences or I'm tired of talking about myself.

Right. I'm tired of talking about my own experiences, and I'm sure you guys get tired of that too sometimes. Uh, so I'd love to talk about things that you guys are going through that you're just like, how do I do this? How do we navigate this? Um, so again, what are the things, know yourself, build a solid foundation that you can repeat.

And again, it can have variety in it, so don't feel like you have to be like, at 10:00 AM I do this at 10 15, I do this. Like, just loose structure. Just generally I do a movement. Generally I do this. Generally I do that. And, you know, or if you like the rigidity, if you like the structure that gives you a, a sense of safety and calm, then absolutely lean into that.

Right? Just know who you are. Hmm. So know yourself. Build that foundation. Um, get the sleep, get the the nutrients you need from food, get the supplements, have your standby experts that you love and know. That's another thing I, I'll add this quickly to it, know who your support team is. Um, I'm such a fan of having multiple people help you.

Like even my clients that adore me, I'm like, that's so great, but I also think you should do acupuncture. And have you seen a chiropractor recently? And like, you know, there's so many different other ways. And obviously I'm, you know, speaking about holistic options, but, uh, there's so many ways and sometimes it's not even another person.

Uh, sometimes it's a tool. Like for me, I've been getting into hyperbaric oxygen therapy and uh, there's sauna and red light and there's lymphatic tools and there's different things you can do that you go to when you're like, okay, this is what I'm feeling now. I'm going to pull out this tool and do this work.

Uh, If you're kind of a self-starter, if you're independent like that, that can be a really beautiful way to go. That's very much how I'm wired. I rarely actually involve another expert because I usually am like, um, it's hard. It is. I'll, I'll be honest, it is hard to find an expert that will honor your authenticity.

They usually, especially, it's just, it's just rare. It's rare to find them. So if you find one, hang on to them, um, cherish them and encourage them to continue being that way, we need more of them. So have your tools. Right. I I also call them remedies. Right? I'm, I am using language from the method. So, you know, we have the reconnection, the rhythm, the remedies.

I'm gonna be actually switching that to reconnection remedies and rhythm. Uh, but have your remedies. And your remedies can be self, self, uh, what am I trying to say? Just you can use them yourself. Uh, or you can have someone else, like that can be remedies to go and see someone and whether it's talk therapy or it's, uh, pt, physical therapy or it's, you know, um, there's so many, there's so many.

I could keep going, but I, yeah, I always give too many examples, so I'm self-editing in my head. Uh, so have that team ready to go because when the dream, when the opportunity lands, that's another way that you can have a beautiful foundation. Because if you have, okay, I have my rhythm, I have my structure, but I'm just, this is just gnarly.

Like, it just really accelerates and you have that fear of you really deal with fear of success. Um, And fear of failure is usually like right there with it. Like that fear of success because of being overwhelmed. Then the fear of failure because of being overwhelmed, like that kind of goes hand in hand.

Uh, you're gonna feel more grounded cuz you're like, well, if I start to see myself go downhill, I know immediately what to do. I go immediately into my, my remedy library, go immediately to my team. I, in fact, I'm seeing them regularly or I'm taking care of myself regularly. Uh, so I have a baseline. But if I still want to be, um, gosh, in an optimal state, huh?

Not just surviving, uh, I'm going to ramp that up, or I'm going to customize it, or I'm going to invite people in to help me. So it's so important that you are open to receiving. That's a whole nother thing, right? Like, are you. Can you trust people? And this is a big one for me guys, so I'll be honest, I have a really hard time trusting other practitioners cuz I've just, I've gone through so many, not gone through that sounds bad.

I've, I've had the opportunity to work with so many and have, uh, received gifts from all of them, uh, but have rarely found one that like, really we got each other and they got me and they actually knew how to help me. Like deeply, deeply. Um, so like for me, I need an assortment because there isn't like one person that can do it all for me.

And, and honestly, that's so rare, right? Uh, but I can get a little bit from this person, a little bit from that person, a little bit from that person. So I just know what I need and I go to the person for it, right? So have your team have your remedies, um, build that foundation. And lastly, stay true. Stay true to who you are, who you want to be, honor the authenticity that you've uncovered.

Live it out even when the success arrives, that is usually when, well, for some people, they lose their authenticity, they lose their, their truths on the way, and some people lose it once it arrives. So I think those are the two things to be conscious of, of, okay, how can I be myself and not get lost in the journey?

How can I be myself and not get lost in the success? Um, another way to describe that is how can I stay grounded and humble and in my body, uh, regardless of what happens to me? Because here's another thing, you could reach your dream and it could be incredible, um, that you reached that dream, but you may find that.

That was it. Like the journey actually was what you wanted, and you got there and now you don't know what the hell to do with yourself. And you could be incredibly depressed. But if you've been authentic all along the way, when you arrive at that point and you realize, oh, this dream of mine, it's actually just a stepping stone to something else that I wanted.

Uh, when you're tuned into yourself, that'll be such an easy transition as opposed to like falling into a state of depression or full on life crisis mode, which there's place for that. I'm not saying that's, you know, wrong, we're all gonna have moments of that. But being prepared and ready to say, like even the big question of is this dream I've been aspiring to and holding onto once I get there, looking at it and going through that whole process of, is this who I am?

Is this true to me still? Because I've evolved. I'm not who I was two years ago as I first thought of this, or five years ago, or whatever. Is this still true to who I am? Because if it's not, and you try to force that dream, even though it's no longer what you want, that's also gonna burn you out, that's also gonna put you into a place of depletion yet again.

So it's just about being you as you move through and respecting and honoring the beautiful elements that make up who you are. That's it for today, my friends. We'll talk soon. Keep dreaming. I'm right there alongside you. Maybe I'll share my newest dream in the next couple episodes. We'll see. Um, but don't be afraid to pursue Go, go, go, go.

Just know yourself. Know yourself first, then dive in. You'll have a ball and whatever happens in the end, whether you live out that dream or it shifts, it won't matter. It won't matter because you'll always know who you are and why you're here. And, uh, it'll just feel so exciting and satisfying. So love you guys.

Thank you for tuning in. I hope you enjoy this episode and the ones following it. Talk to you soon.

Jessi: Hey there. Before you go, let me ask you two quick questions. Are you honoring your natural sensitivity with your current choices? Are you feeling like your healthiest, most authentic self and body? If you answered no to one or both of those questions, I highly recommend trying out my method. It'll get you started. Or you're welcome to work with me one-on-one if you need to address Deeper health imbalances. If you loved this episode, please leave us a review or share it with someone you care about. Your support means the world to us and keeps us going. We wish you all the love and care. À votre santé, my friend.

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Natural Sensitive Resources Below:

• Authentic Calm, the podcast

• Mêrfleur Natural Living Recos, for Sensitive-safe products

• Merfleur Library, books to listen to or read

• Merfleur Wellness, to rebuild your calm and resiliency for sustainable health

  • See the Authentic Calm Method for self-care

  • See 1:1 Care for private support from Jessi

Episode 39: Curating a Safe Healthy & Beautiful Home as a Natural Sensitive With Ashley Spanovich

Conversation

Episode 39 Season 3

Are you conscious of the slightest subtleties in others? Are you a lover of quiet downtime? Are you attuned to the details of your environment? Are you most at peace when there is no pressure? And are you deeply affected by nature, music, stories, food, and other forms of art? And have you also been this way for as long as you can?

If yes, then it's quite possible that you are a Natural Sensitive, like me, commonly referred to as a highly sensitive person. A Natural Sensitive is simply someone whose sensitivity is innate, healthy, and a gift to everyone it touches. Welcome to the Naturally Sensitive podcast, a show for the holistically minded, natural sensitive.

Here we talk all things sensitive and natural. My name is Jessi Michel Agadoni, and I am your naturally sensitive health guide and. My purpose in this lifetime is to help you cultivate a beautiful, rich life void of constant overwhelm, anxiety, depression, autoimmunity, or any other imbalance that could prevent you from having the impact I believe you are called to have on this world, my functional healthcare practice, me floor wellness, and my unique method teaches Natural Sensitives like you, how to build sustainable health by honoring their natural sensitivity. I created this space as a free resource to share what I've learned through my own life, and also had the honor of witnessing in the lives of my sensitive clients. I do this because I truly believe that if all Natural Sensitives have the support to live as their unique body's request, this world could be a much more beautiful and peaceful place.

So today we will take yet another step towards creating this healing reality together. Let's dive in.

Jessi: Ashley, it's so great to have you on.Thank you for joining us today.

Ashley: Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to chat with you.

Jessi: I am just like giddy. Like I woke up this morning overjoyed that we were having this conversation cause I was like, yay. I get to, I get to ask her all the questions. I'm such a little nerd about just environmental building and just home health because it's been such a huge part of my own healing journey and therefore has translated into a lot of my own work with my clients.

Um, but I am, I can't give to it my full attention and my full expertise. And so I just am so grateful for you and the passion that you've poured into your business and your work because it's so needed and it's gonna be needed more and more and more as we know. So, yeah. Uh, before I give away everything that you do, uh, would you tell us a little bit about your story and how you landed in this profession and in this world?

I know it's a fun one. So bring us into who you are and how you landed here.

Ashley: Yes. Oh my gosh. Uh, story goes back long, long time ago. I'd say it started for me in college. Um, and it's really still evolving today. So, uh, it started in college. Um, I studied interior design. I was being, coming in interior designer.

I was really always into sustainable design. And, um, I loved the built environment. I loved design, but at the time, you know, my desire was creating pretty spaces and I loved the idea of how we felt in our spaces and how our environment had the power to make us feel such a special way. And I was always the type of person who moved my furniture in my room like 15 times and like changed it up constantly, was always changing.

 Um, so I was really passionate about interior design. Uh, but after college I moved to Pittsburgh and I began working with my family's development company. Uh, they do, uh, different apartments in Pittsburgh. And so I started helping them doing space planning for that. And I was also doing a lot of the grunt work.

So a lot of actually going in and painting the spaces and Wow. Okay. Really getting my hands dirty because it was a family business and everyone did everything. So, um, at the time, simultaneously I'm doing that. I'm, I'm spraying walls. I'm not wearing a mask. I'm in a ton of construction dust. I'm not putting anything together.

I'm just, yeah, doing what everyone has always done. And it's very, very common in residential design, uh, or residential construction I've learned. But I was experiencing really, really, Odd health symptoms. Um, the biggest one I talk about this a lot, is I really thought I was losing my mind. Um, I went through really, uh, big bouts of depression, um, anxiety, uh, forgetfulness, um, and more so like memory loss.

I wouldn't be able to remember somebody's name who I knew really well, and it was standing right in front of me. Uh, and then it would start to make me panic. And then I'm like, why can't I remember their name? Like, I know this person. Um, and it was really, really scary time. So I started to dive into holistic health.

Um, I found the, um, Institute for Integrative Nutrition and I was like, I'm gonna do the courses and try to learn as much as I can. And that kind of opened me up to. It opened me up to the world of holistic health, but man, it was just the tip of the iceberg.

Jessi: It's the classic entry. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

Ashley: Yeah.

Yeah. Um, and I was like, I'm gonna, I'm, you know what, like, I became so passionate about health and trying to figure out my own health, and I wanted to just leave doing interior design. And at this time, I had, was working in another firm, um, and an architecture firm. And, uh, I had thought about giving it up and becoming a health coach.

Um, and so there was this time where I was sort of like health coaching my friends, but that was on the side and just teaching people what I was learning and, um, it, it continued. I, I started to feel a little bit better, but I never quite got to the root cause. Um, I, I always, like, I continued to have these memory issues and.

This like anxiety, um, and just fatigue and skin issues and digestive, oh my gosh, the digestive issues. I almost forget what my symptoms were now because Yeah, it's so far behind me. But it was so it took so long to figure it all out. So then anyways, uh, it wasn't really until I went to Mexico must have picked up some sort of bug that I found a practitioner who had a full script account that could get me this probiotic.

I wanted this specific probiotic I wanted. I love it. And she's like, oh, uh, tell me your symptoms. Like, what have you done? And she's like, I'm happy to just get you the probiotic, but I think you need to do some scans, some testing. And I was like, okay. So I started, we did the full gamut. I got so lucky finding her because mm-hmm.

She just ran all the tests, the right tests, you know, I didn't have to go from doctor to doctor to doctor to figure it out. Amazing. I just found someone and got so lucky that she was able to do the right tests and lead me to finding out, um, uh, really led me and opened up the can of worms of mold, um, heavy metals, um, different viruses and pathogens and all of these different root causes.

But the one that hit me the most was the mold. Um, I had really high levels of mycotoxins in my system. Um, and once I began to. Open up my drainage pathways and detox the mold was when I really noticed the biggest impact on my health. Yeah. And that was the beginning of the end for me. Yeah. I was like, what mold?

You know? Um, because I had lived in very moldy homes in college. My mom would always tell me, oh my gosh, like, this place is so moldy. How are you living here? But I just wanted to live with my friends. I was like, what do you mean, like mold? Like, no big deal. I don't see anything. It looks fine. Mm-hmm. Um, and thinking back on it, it actually, hurts me to think back at some of the places I live because I, I know how mold they work now and, and I can connect my health to my environment.

Um, but yeah, so um, anyways, I decided and kind of, you know, it opened up that can of arms of, okay, well why is there mold and how do I remove it? And. You know, what is the root cause of mold? Like for me, I wanted to understand like, well, how do we really truly prevent it? Um, which led me to, uh, let's see, sort of, it led me to building biology first.

Mm-hmm. And then into building science and, um, working with different contractors and professionals who kind of helped me understand, um, some of the things in our, our building practices today that are lacking. Uh, and so I, you know, after I learned all of this, I really couldn't go back. Um, I would go into my job at my architecture firm every day, and we were putting, you know, vinyl wallpaper, um, in healthcare.

I was working in healthcare, uh, when I actually ended up, that was the firm I was working at before I left to start Awakening Spaces. And I'm putting, you know, vinyl on the floor, vinyl on the walls, and we're not thinking about any of this stuff. And I just. I was like, what? This isn't right. Like, none of this feels right anymore.

Um, and I just totally quit my job and was like, I'm just gonna start talking about what I'm learning and just start putting into practice what I know. Um, even though I know there's still so much to learn. Um, just started doing it and it's, you know, it, it's one of those things with interior design in general, uh, things are changing so fast.

The technology is changing so fast, there's always gonna be so much to learn. Um, but I feel like I have a, a solid understanding now of. Some of the things we need to do and be thinking about, which it's, it's one of the, it is another one of those things that now it's like the more you know, the less you feel, you know?

Yeah. Yes. So, you know, there's more certifications that will be coming for me and more, uh, knowledge that I wanna gain and understand. But what's, uh, been the best is just finding the right team of people to help solve the issues. That there's so many complex issues when it comes to building, um, that, you know, it, it really does take a team of people, uh, if you really wanna be successful because there's so many moving parts.

So that is how I got into it all, and there's a new aspect that I'm currently learning of. I was so motivated by fear in the beginning and ah, yes. Stress. Mm-hmm. And the last part of my health journey, I don't wanna say the last part, but my sort of current thing I'm tackling now is learning to overcome that stress because those things that once kept me safe are now holding me back from my true healing and potential and growth.

And so it's, it's a, a relearning of how to not be afraid of my environment. Um, and to each others that too, because so many people come very, very scared and I don't blame them. But, um, there's a big, a mental and emotional piece that I think goes along with all of that and is a huge component to just being healthy, well-rounded person.

Oh my

Jessi: gosh. Thank you so much for sharing that. It's, I, there's so much we could talk about. I love. I love your journey. I can relate to so much of it. Uh, and you know, just for those that are listening in that maybe this is somewhat of a new topic, like this is, A deep, deep, intense journey that Ashley just described in a short period of time.

Um, I know personally, and if you've listened to many of my episodes, you've, you know, had a glimpse into what it looks like to walk through these kinds of things. Um, and for those of you that are literally in the situation, you know, in the moments that Ashley just described, like, we send you our love, we get it, we know how hard it is.

Um, and I can agree with you, Ashley, like I, I'm in that same place where I am releasing the fear because there's the ignorance, then there's the awakening, then there's the panic, and then there's the intense, like just being, like you said, literally afraid of everything because you can now, it's like the lenses are off and you can see everything crystal clear and you're aware of how screwed up our world is.

And then from there it's like, well, how do you even. Take a step. How do you have any kind of success without being a bazillionaire that can build your own everything. You know, like how do you even do this? And then you come around full circle and to where you're describing, and that's where I'm currently also pursuing of we can't change everything.

We don't have full control. There's a reason we're here at this time in history, in these bodies, in these locations, in these homes. You were meant to walk through those moldy college buildings for a reason. Like Me too. All my clients that have gone to college, I'm like, all right, we're checking for mycotoxins cuz every dorm, every old home, like it's a guarantee.

Um, but that was for a reason. And trusting that journey and also knowing that going forward is not gonna be perfect. And our bodies are brilliant. Our bodies are so brilliant and they're able to evolve. They're able to survive. So my like mantra for the last year has been reduce. It's all about reduction.

How can we reduce the impact so that we can then move forward with joy? Because it's not about perfectionism, which a lot of us is sensitives, those that love aesthetics, those that are just notice those details and experience our bodies in a very specific way. We're the ones that are most impacted by this, you know, but I always talk about how we're the canaries in the coal mine.

Like there's a reason that we notice it so that we can then turn around and save our fellow humankind. And that's what you're doing right now, Ashley, is you're using your ability to tune into your body, to your atmosphere, to your environment, and the beautiful background of that You have that, like, of course you were put into a family that did this kind of work.

You know, like that created that base for you. Um, like obviously this is your destiny, like this is your focus and your passion. And um, I'm just so grateful that you've leaned into it and that you've embraced it. And I can, I can like sense the health and the vibrance and the radiation. The radiation, the word, um, nevermind the radiants.

Yeah, the radiants that's like coming forward from you. So I, I'm so grateful for the wisdom that you're gonna just like shower us with today. Um, and I can tell it's all experiential, which is the most powerful, I think, personally. Um, So thank you first and foremost for sharing all of that. I appreciate it.

Thank you. Um, and so I think the first question that I really I wanna kind of dive into is I wanna start kind of defining things. So for those of you that are sort of new to this idea of the environment potentially being unhealthy and toxic, um, can you define for us maybe what are like the top five things that we should be looking at?

You know, I can list them, but I'll let you go. And, uh, kind of like, I'm thinking about like air building materials, water damage, bacterial mold, lead, asbestos, E m F, you know, like we could go the gamut. But for you, what would you say are like the top five things that we as sensitive human beings should be kind of conscious of?

Um, And like I said, we're gonna talk about these things and they may be kind of fear instilling, but at the end, like we'll be offering some hope and some practical resources. So hang in with us if you're listening. So go ahead Ashley, what would you say are kind of like the top five things that we should be conscious of with, with the home specifically?

Ashley: So air is so important. Mm-hmm. There's a lot of things that impact our air, right? So using air is sort of the overarching thing to be looking at what impacts our air. Um, we have chemicals from the building materials that we use in our homes. Uh, fragrance is a huge one and I see fragrance in a lot of homes of very healthy people who, um, Might not realize the different chemicals that are in the fragrance.

Uh, like GLAD plugins, um, sprays, feris, different things like that, um, that we're breathing in. Um, same with our cleaning products, the things that we're using and almost everything has fragrance in it in addition to other chemicals and antimicrobials and things that might be in the actual product itself.

Hmm. Um, so that's sort of like the chemical component of it. Um, mold and bacteria from wa, water damage and high humidity is also a really big one. So I think another really important component is, um, Before we even go to purify our air, you know, one really big thing to start getting familiar with doing is monitoring and regulating the humidity within your home because it really does need to sit at a sweet spot.

and I like to say between like 30 and 45% relative humidity. give or take a few depending on who you're talking to. but that's a really nice sweet spot. If it's too dry, it can create health issues. If it's too high, it can create health issues. So you really wanna be monitoring, using a hydrometer, um, making sure that you're in that sweet spot.

And if you're not, why not? You know, we have to be our own detective. Mm-hmm. And understanding what's causing our humidity to raise our humidity can raise from sweating, from breathing, from showering, from cooking, um, from using any type of plumbing that we have on our house. I mean, there's a lot of different things that can happen, especially if there's multiple occupants in the house.

Um, so those are really, really big components. Um, and then once you've got your humidity under control and you have been monitoring it and you have an idea of how to regulate it and keep it in that sweet spot, then um, keeping your home clean and purifying your air is gonna be a really great next step.

Um, so. You know, using an air filter, things like that. But really managing our dust is so critical and it's so easy and we can, we can all do that. Um, because our dust is really just a bunch of toxins. It's a lot of toxins built up to actually create a ball of whatever it looks like. A dust. Yeah. Um, dead skin cells, pet bander, dust mites, uh, different pesticides, all types of things, hair.

 So, um, I think that those are, Really big things to be considering. Um, and then the other one, and I don't know where I'm at with the number one through five. You're fine.

Jessi: Was this meant to be a prompt? Yeah. Go with your own prompt.

Ashley: I don't even know where I'm at anymore. But the other really big thing that I look for, um, that I think is missing in a lot of the sustainability movement, which is where I think building biology takes it a step further in terms of healthy homes is, um, the electromagnetic component of things and really looking at the devices that we use in our homes, how often we're using them, um, and how can we really limit our exposure to them?

Um, do we really need all the devices that we have plugged in? And really just raising that awareness of what we're using and what we actually need. And can we limit or reduce. The amount that is plugged into every single wall into our home and our building wiring. And, you know, EMFs goes, um, there's, this is a, this is a whole conversation of its own.

Yeah. But, you know, it's a very big one. And I found for me that it was a really big missing component in my health journey. Mm-hmm. Um, and once I really started taking my, uh, reducing my exposure seriously, I noticed a really big improvement in my health. I noticed a really big improvement in my joints when I, when I started using a, uh, wired keyboard and wired mouse as opposed to a, um, wireless one.

That was a, that was almost like an overnight improvement for me. Wow. Yeah. And so that kind of was what made me believe, you know, I think you kind of think like, oh, okay, like everyone says all this stuff, but I don't really feel it. And so I don't really believe it. Um, but I, I definitely noticed that my, my joint pain went away and my hands, it was sort of like a chronic wrist pain that I had.

I thought I was getting arthritis. I don't know. It's, yeah. What happens when we get older? You know, all these things happen. It's, so, yeah. That's just what people say. Mm-hmm. So, um, I do think that, looking at the technology and devices that you're using in your home and how can you limit your, uh, your usage of all those things is another really, really big important step in creating a healthy environment.

Jessi: So good. Okay, so we're gonna dive into all of these because they all end up like overlapping anyways, right? When you get into it, you're like, oh crap. Like the mold is getting enhanced by the emf. Okay. Okay. Like, it just all creates this environment, right? Where you're like, oh my gosh. So let's actually start with the, the electromagnetic piece, because there's the wifi piece, there's the, you know, dirty electricity piece.

There's all the different devices that lead to all of that. Um, how would someone begin kind of navigating those worlds? You know, when we're thinking about, let's actually start with dirty electricity, because I feel like that's an area not many people are conscious of. I feel like people are starting to be like, oh yeah, my phone radiates and my computer, but what about like, behind the walls, talk about things you can't see, which are, that's the maddening part about all of this, right?

Is that you're like, I'm going crazy because I don't feel well, but I can't. See something, it's not like right in front of my face. I, you know, it's not as easy to identify. So how do you find out if you're home, whether you're, you own it or you're renting or maybe even an office building, how do you know if there's dirty electricity going on?

Ashley: So, dirty electricity is one that I am not, I would say I'm not an expert on dirty electricity. I know a good enough amount of how to prevent it. Yeah. Um, but I don't have the meters to measure it. Uh, there's a lot of building bi, there's some building biologists who are really dialed into this and that is what they do.

And they are gonna measure and test that. Um, but the biggest thing that I, I think is important to understand about dirty electricity is that any device that we have plugged in that has some sort of transform transformer, Hmm. That's going to change the amount of electricity coming from your building, wearing to a device is going to create some sort of dirty electricity because we're now changing the amount of power coming in.

So a couple of things, I'm just e without going too in depth on dirty electricity itself, a couple of things we can do to prevent or kind of limit the amount we might have. Mm-hmm. Um, is unplugging things when they're not in use. Mm. We want to have as little to nothing plugged in when it's not use. Um, So your coffee pot, your teapot, your air fryer, your toaster, your printer, your tv, all these different things are all devices that are plugged in that are these small devices.

If 240 volts of power comes into these devices, it could blow it up. So it has to transform the power to a smaller amount so that it, the device can work properly. So unplugging these things is really gonna be a huge start. Hmm. Um, the other issue we have is we have, um, l e D lights, which are like per code very common now.

Um, they can all create dirty electricity. Dimmer switches can create dirty electricity, but from what I understand, the dimmer switch is really only creating dirty electricity when it's dimming. Mm-hmm. So, Trying to be conscious about that. Um, there's different whole home lighting systems that can kind of bypass that, and that's what we work on when we do, you know, new build con when I do help people with new build consulting, um, you know, if you want that control of the lighting, there's other things we can do to still create that ambience and that mood Nice.

Without having a dimmer switch. So, um, there's dimmer switches, there's l e lightings, there's different lights that have that produce less dirty electricity. And then you also have things that are coming in from outside. Mm-hmm. So you have solar or even your own house home if you have solar panels, because again, it has a transformer.

So it's transforming that electricity and. It could be coming in from your neighbor's house and it could be coming in from a pool pump, and so you could be getting it from outside as well as generating it yourself from inside your home. So there's different filters and things that you can use.

Um, but again, this is a very in-depth topic that

I'm not doing that work every single day. Mm-hmm. Um, and so when, when we are really focused in and someone is, you know, electro hypersensitive, I'll probably call in somebody who has a deeper knowledge of that onto the team. Yeah. To really go deep onto how can we actually make sure that we're not, um, generating and we are filtering any dirty electricity that's coming into the home.

So there's wonderful, definitely things we can do, but it's still a really dirty electricity out of the four different types of MFS that we're really looking at. In building biology is sort of one of the one that's a little more unknown and the research on it is changing rapidly.

Um, and a colleague actually just put out a whole course on it. So I will be hopefully taking that soon and learning more, but it's just, it's a really challenging topic. Yeah. Other ones do we wanna kind of

Jessi: jump into? Yeah. To keep

Ashley: going? Yeah. Um, the other ones are a little easier to decipher and understand, even though sometimes we still can't feel them, we still can't see them.

Um, so one of the biggest ones we'll start, well there's, so there's four different main ones we look at when we're doing an assessment of a home or if, um, we're building new or renovating and, and ways to prevent. And so dirty electricity we already talked about, there's radio frequencies, which is one that is most common to most people.

That's our cell phones, our computers, our tablets, anything with wifi, Bluetooth, um, anything that says smart feature. Um, um, and then we have magnetic fields, which is gonna come from anything that has like a motor in it. Mm. Um, and these fields drop off with distance. Um, and they actually, if a device is turned off, it's not, the field does not remain, then you have electric fields.

And even if the device is turned off, if it's plugged in, it's still emanates an electric field. So, um, with. All of these different things. It's so, it can be so overwhelming. And I like to, so the, the very, kind of going back to my story earlier when the functional practitioner I was working with, I'll never forget, she told me I had to stop using my laptop and my cell phone.

Um, when I first was on Australia, I was like, what are you talking about? Excuse me. I, I just, I just think it's so funny, uh, from there to now, but, so it's a little bit more than that. But essentially she was right. The biggest thing that we can do is to reduce our exposure to the things we use the most.

Right? And I don't know about you, but for me, my cell phone is the thing that is on me the most. Mm-hmm. That I'm using the most. Um, and it really is gonna be making the most impact. If I go out and I get someone to install all these dirty electricity filters and I paint my whole house in shielding paint and I, you know, hardwire everything in and do all these things, but I'm still using this thing constantly and not, yeah, not on airplane mode, and it's just blasting me in the face with, you know, radiation.

Then what is the point? Yeah, so I always tell people, if you're gonna start anywhere, and if you're totally new to this, to really, really monitor your cell phone use, like how much time are you really spending? Um, if you are using it, can you be hardwired in. Um, so that you can actually be, you know, scrolling, but it's hardwired in so that you're, you can turn the, um, Bluetooth and wifi off on it.

Same thing with your computer. Um, if you can get hardwired ethernet into your computer, but then bring up your messages and connect your phone to your computer so that you can do that while you work. And then put your phone on airplanes that in the other room. Um, or just turn it off completely during the day, but you still have connectivity.

Um, that's gonna be a really, really helpful, uh, way to kind of, so stop. Um, just being more conscious about the amount of radiation that you're getting from your cell phone, something that you use and is so close to our bodies every single

Jessi: day. Right. That's such a good tip. And that, that's the thing is cell phones are so, they're so darn convenient and they're that size where you can put it in your pocket, you can put it in your, your day bag, you can bring it with you everywhere it fits in your hand.

And so it just, it sticks to you. And like you said, distance is everything. Um, so that's such good advice. Something you said that caught my attention. When you say wiring in your phone, can you describe that a little bit? Because I don't actually know too many people that do that. So you can you kind of tell us how you do that?

Yeah.

Ashley: So, um, so one way you can easily do it, and I'll just describe my current setup is I have my router here, um, below my desk. Um, it's turned off, so there's a button on it that allows me to turn the router on and off. Um, but it's connected to an ethernet cable. Um, an ethernet cable. Looks like a phone, a phone jack, you know?

Yeah. When you're looking at the house and you see the little port that has the ethernet jack, that's what the ethernet cable looks like. That plugs into the back of your router. And then from there, uh, you can get a little device that has, um, I wanna say it's the lightning jack on one end and then an ethernet port on the other end.

So you can have it, you can have your router here, and I have one summer. Over here, but they don't know where it's at. That's okay. But it's, you can actually, uh, plug that into your phone. You can't make phone calls that way. Um, but you can scroll, you can still receive, you know, iMessage if you have an, an iPhone.

I'm not too familiar on the, um, Android, but yeah. You know, that will allow you to plug it in,

Jessi: so that was a thing too. You can keep your, your router, your modem turned off and it's still receiving the information through the ethernet cord. I didn't realize that. I thought you had to have it on in order for anything to work.

Ashley: No, I mean once it's plugged into the ethernet cable, um, the ethernet port, wherever it's hooked up at. Yeah, it can still, um, you know, cause my router's turned off. Right now I'm hardwired in, my computer is hardwired in. Right. Um, I ever, I try to make, um, I put all my messages and everything on my computer so that I can just have my phone off.

Awesome. Uh, people do complain that they can't ever get ahold of me, so I should probably start there. No, you

Jessi: just train them. You leave, you have a voicemail that says, I don't receive calls if you need to reach me. Text. Like, it's that simple. I know My husband uh, fought me on that for a while. Cause I started getting really intense and I was like, my phone's on airplane mode all day.

And he's like, what if an emergency happens? I'm like, you're, you can figure it out. Like, do you actually need me for. Yeah. It's like, excuse me. No. So I, I backed off that intensity, but, uh, texting, being able to have iMessage is so great. It's so easy. And that is one way then people can, and I feel like for me, when I do that, I actually get the iMessages faster than it comes even on, on my phone.

So it's it's effective. It works. Yeah. Yeah. And

Ashley: when I'm having calls with people, people always drop off their Internet's unstable. Yeah. And in my mind, I'm just like, I don't know why we don't do, do the standard. Like, I never have an issue with connection. Um, and you know, Same thing with like our TVs too.

We're gonna get all those hardwired in as well because Yeah. Sometimes. Well, and I will admit, I don't, I do the best I can. Yeah. And this is what I would tell anyone to do. You know, just because I do this work doesn't mean I never use my phone. Doesn't mean I never use wifi Right. At five or 6:00 PM usually, or WiFi's off.

Cause I'm sitting right next to my router. Mm-hmm. Um, and whenever I am working, my partner knows like it's off. Like I'm not turning it on cause I'm right next to it. Yeah. Um, but you know, afterwards we turn on the wifi and we put Netflix on or something at night. Yeah. You know, once in a while. So it's like, you know, to get that hardwired in would take it in ne one step further and would be better.

But we don't currently have that. And that's just, you know, you just have to do the best that you can.

Jessi: That's a perfect thing. I know, I was gonna ask cuz there's like, there's always the difference between when it comes to a home, when you're renting a home, when you own a home, when you're building a new home.

Like those are like the three things. And like when you're renting, you don't have as much control. So it's, it's a really just about reduction and, you know, what can you do when you own a home? There's a bit more, but sometimes it's like the home has been established. Like it's tough to go in and like wire the entire house.

Like I, I, I've looked into that. Yeah. Um, it's a lot of work. I mean, if you're doing a big renovation on the home and you're opening up walls and stuff like that, it's like an, it's an easy add-on. But if you're not doing that, it's a big project, but a new construction, which is the dream for any sensitive person, it's like, yeah,

Ashley: yes, God give

Jessi: me the ability to build a home exactly the way I'd want it with all of the health and everything.

 Uh, like that's where you go in, right? And you do that extra step of like wiring literally everything. Like we've, I think my husband and I talked about this cuz we've. We've looked at all the options, but like in every room, having a jack where you can, so if you have your phones, it's like everywhere you go you can plug your phone into the ethernet and be able to use it.

So it's still convenient. Um, and then you're only on wifi when you're outside of the home, which is like, never for me, cuz I'm an introvert, so. Exactly. But that's, that's such, you know, it's, it's that progression. Right. And speaking about health, like I always describe this with clients when it comes to any sort of change, whether it's food or supplements or working out, or even just mindset.

Like you take baby steps and you do what is available and what's in your capacity. Like, you don't try to go for gold, you know, when you're in the bronze pool, like you just, you gently work up and there's seasons too, like depending on where you are. Like, are you a new mama? You know, like, focus on your kiddo.

You know, just don't. Dear God, don't put your cell phone near their head. You know, like, don't have your cell phone on you with the baby. But other than that, relax, you know, like there's like, wouldn't you say coming to that full circle moment of the more stressed we are, the more we're in that state of, I call it the alarm mode, but the fight or flight, you know, in that sympathetic mode.

The more all of these toxins, whether it's you know, radiation or molds or endotoxins from bacteria, or you name it, are gonna affect us because we're more vulnerable when we're in that state. We're not able to, to process it. And cuz really toxicity is all about clearance, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And that was a big moment for me.

I didn't realize radiation was a toxin. I just thought it was like, oh, it's like something that. I didn't really get it. It wasn't until someone explained to me that the reason that it's a problem is that when it enters your body, it can't get out. Like the body can't translate it. And so it's stuck in your being and it becomes a toxin and it just goes nuts on your cells.

So usually general terminology, uh, and so if you're relaxed, if you're calm, it's actually able to clear a little bit more effectively. And so it's, that's why the calm, happy people like ignorance sometimes is bliss because you're not stressed about it. But if you're like me and you found out about 5G and you're driving past towers and every time you're flinching and freaking out and your entire body's contracted, I'm getting impacted more than the person that doesn't even know what 5G is, doesn't even know what that tower is, you know?

So it is a balance, right, of being able to like have the knowledge but not let it take over.

Ashley: Oh man. And I just, I know it, it really is. And I will tell you it has it there. I've been in a place in my life where it took over. Yeah. I mean, I was like, we have to move. Oh my gosh, we, we gotta get outta here.

Like it's, it's pan. You get in a full panic mode and it's just like, at that point, nothing will ever be perfect. And this is what I tell people all the time, we could be designing and putting together the most perfect, quintessential perfect, did everything right home. But if you don't feel safe in your body, you're never gonna feel safe in your home.

Jessi: Right. You'll always find something. Mm-hmm.

Ashley: And, um, I'm working on trying to figure out how to. Uh, create some new offerings around this for people who are looking for new homes. Mm-hmm. Um, I, I do a little bit of work where I help people who are trying to find healthy home and sort of find, um, the good bones to start with something nice.

Yeah. Um, but, uh, that process is really overwhelming and a lot of people are in big time fear state at that point in their journey, and so, uh, there will be some things coming, I think, where we, we kind of mix that emotional component, um, that energetic component into, into finding, um, helping people because you'll just, you'll never feel safe if you don't feel safe in your body first.

Jessi: Yeah. I can vouch for that. We've, this is the home I'm in right now. We just moved into, and it's our fourth in two years. Because of having to leave out of, first it was asbestos and molds, and then we bought a home and I learned so much. We bought a, an old home and I thought I had done well, but it had a flat roof.

And now I know to never do anything with the flat roof, but there was a lot of unseen water damage in the roof, um, in other areas. Uh, and I got super sick. So we left and then moved into another place that ended up having four different leaks within a matter of months, like, and so we moved again. So I like, I know that journey of just feeling un unsafe, feeling unsettled.

Um, and there's so much around that too, right? It's not just you, it's like your relationships. It's, uh, how, how that impacts your work and your family and, and all sorts of things. Because stability is so key to safety a lot of times, and especially for us that are sensitive, like we're already overwhelmed naturally, easily.

Yeah. So to constantly have your environment changing, like I can say oftentimes, you know, from a health practitioner perspective, we always tell our clients, move, get out. Mm-hmm. Um, but I would say that's not always true, like from a realistic perspective of sometimes it's not possible. So let's talk about that a little bit.

When someone is in an environment, maybe they're renting or they just bought a home and there's like, Like no budget for shifting. Right. That's usually what happens. They're like, oh crap, like we just squeaked into this home and now we're finding that we need to do like 50 grand worth of like remediation or, um, all the things, you know?

Mm-hmm. What are some things that people can do? Um, let's talk about water damages. We've talked about, uh, you know, radiation in general, but like if they find out their home has molds and, um, some bacteria growth as well, like endotoxins and mycotoxins, how do they find a balance between panicking and leaving and perhaps making that home viable?

Hmm. And I know that's probably individual, but Yeah. Do you have some tips for someone that's like, I can't get outta here, but I understand that this is impacting my health. Are there some things that I could do to kind of Yeah. Reduce the impact for myself and potentially a family? Yeah,

Ashley: I think some of the biggest things is really well, it goes a couple of ways.

So keeping your home as clean as possible. Hmm. And maybe you're not the one doing that cleaning, which is gonna be really hard if someone doesn't have a budget. Hmm. Um, because mold spores are gonna live in our dust, um, purifying our air, making sure it's really, really clean. And if, again, if you don't have a budget, looking at HEPA filters, tape to box, uh, regular box fans.

Mm-hmm. Um, but again, this is also gonna be circulating dusts, picking things up and moving things through the air. Um, really getting outside as much as possible. I think it really depends on what the problem is. Right. Um, I wanna just jump back just right before that though, because. For anybody who is looking to buy a new home.

Mm. I always say, whatever your budget is for that home, take 50 K off. Yeah. And I'm dead. And I'm dead serious. Yeah. Because there's gonna be something you're gonna have to fix. And I, I set that expectation, uh, very early because if it's not something you have to fix now, it's maybe something you're gonna have to fix later.

So hard. Um, and I don't think enough times we are setting aside that money to know that we have to have money for unforeseen events. I know. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't think about that. I just said, well, this is how much I can pay. Uh, this is what I can afford for our mortgage, so this is what my, and this is what I can get approved for.

So this is, this is my budget. Um, but I think that I. and I tell this to everyone I work with who's looking for a new home, just be prepared because there's always gonna be something if you have, if you're not the one putting it together, there's likely going to be something. So I really think that anyone who's listening to this and wants to pursue finding a healthier home or wants, um, or maybe you're in the midst of it and you're looking to buy a home, just know that with anything out there, and this is not meant to scare, but just know that there's always gonna be improvements that need to be made in order to bring it up to health, whether it's ventilation, um, which I find is a really big one, especially in kitchens.

Um, the kitchen ventilation oftentimes isn't even working or doesn't go outside, or the bathroom ventilation goes up into the attic. And so now we're pulling moisture into the attic. It's not actually going into the, out of the, uh, out of the home. Oh gosh. Um, there's, you know, there's gonna be something. So just.

Don't stress about it, but just be prepared. Just know, okay, I've got this money set aside. We're gonna, um, have this, we're, we're gonna, we know we're gonna make improvements. This is so much easier said than done in today's market, by the way.

Jessi: Uh, but you know what, having that knowledge though is so big.

Like, I, you and I have had to learn that the hard way. You know, like I, I literally bought a home by the skin of my teeth and then was like, oh crap. Like I need to, we threw 10 grand basically into testing the home and then found out we needed to do like 80 grand worth of remediation if we wanted to do it properly.

Um, plus. Renovating because you just kind of had to alongside it. And if I had known that coming in, I probably wouldn't have bought this home. I would've gone another route, you know? But at the same time, like I learned so much from this experience, I will never forget. Yeah. And the next home that we buy is gonna be so much better because of it.

So whether you learn through, uh, like us through experience or you learn from this podcast, um, you know you're gonna win. It's, and I think what's on the flip side, yes. It's like frustrating and we'll all go through that, that anger of like, why is our society like this? Why are homes built like this? Why don't people care anymore?

You know, why are homes not breathable and so toxic and built so slap, sticky, you know, with no care for the health of the, the homeowner. Um, it's all about, yeah, just costs and speed now, but. On the flip side of that, once you know, you know, and you can look for it. And if you're expecting it and choose not to be negative about it, it's like any home then is kind of like an opportunity.

Um, and I think it's just coming out of that mindset of like, my home will automatically be safe. That kind of expectation is the problem because if we have that and we stay with in that mindset, we're always gonna be frustrated. But if we just see that, oh, it's just the current environment we're in every building, every home has a problem.

So really it just becomes, uh, a game. Of find the problem. Yes. Yeah. And how many problems? Oh, cool. This one only has one problem, and I'm expecting that it'll probably be two that I didn't know about. So, okay. We're good, you know? Mm-hmm. This home has 20 problems. We're not going there, you know? Yes. So it's just, it can become more playful, can become more hopeful.

And I think the goal is having someone like you on, on your team to be able to be that extra, those extra set of eyes and also the wisdom. Like even you talking about like, I'm not an expert in dirty electricity. Yeah. But you just dumped a bunch of knowledge on us that we don't know. And you have direct contacts to people that do.

Right. Whereas the average home buyer has no idea about any of this stuff, will find out later when they're sick or their kid got cancer, or you know, something horrific, right? Because they just didn't know and. Which is devastating and no one wants to be in that situation. But, um, once you gain the knowledge, you know, there are actions that can be taken and it can be a positive experience.

You know, like I'm so grateful for what I went through, even though I would never wanna do it again. And that's why I'm talking about this. Like, I don't want anyone to have to go through what I went through. Yeah. But at the same time, I have loads of knowledge now and the future is brighter because of it.

Right. And you also, I think, come to realize your values. So a little rabbit trail for us, like aesthetics are so important to us as sensitives. Like we just, mm. And so many of my client, well all my clients are sensitives now, like, I think the battle comes down to like, I just purchased a home, or I just rented a new home or whatever.

I wanna spend my budget on interior design. I wanna buy that beautiful, like six penny sofa and I wanna like have my, my gorgeous curtains and that beautiful rug. And like all these things just create that ambiance cuz that's what gives us life. Mm-hmm. And so when we find out we have to spend all of that money on like mold remediation, it's so soul crushing, right?

Mm-hmm. And so it's tough. It's tough, but I think at the end of the day, like recognizing that our health has to come first. Mm-hmm. Because your home can be gorgeous, but it can make you so sick and then you're not able to even enjoy that. You know? So you've found this beautiful marriage of the two of like, how can we do both?

That's what I see you as. Like, how can we do both? And that's the dream. So, oh,

Ashley: I just, there's just, I also just wish that the world of non-toxic was. Prettier sometimes. Oh my

Jessi: gosh.

Ashley: Yeah.

Jessi: Yes. Yeah. We'll get there. We'll get there. Yeah.

Ashley: Yeah. But I wanted to jump back to what you were saying about um, like as we're looking at homes, I think I, you know, you can go out and find a lot of checklists of, these are the things you can't have in your home if you're looking for a new home.

Right. Uhuh, I'm sorry. No, it's unrealistic. Like they don't, you can't, like, I, that is not gonna work for people. I have put together a list and it's more of, okay, I want you to print this out at each home that you look at, put the address and let's, let's just observe. Yeah. We are just observers. I want you to use this as an, as a place to be your own detective.

To observe the home, to notice what it has and what it doesn't have and where what you're finding, and I'm teaching you how to use the tools to do this yourself before you bring in, you know, so that you can have, you can narrow things down on your own before you bring in a qualified inspector. Um, but, you know, and then it's like, okay, well then let's all let, let's look together at these five properties and let's weigh the pros and cons together.

Mm-hmm. And that's where I will help you really say, okay, well, I don't know. You know, you have, there's like absolutely no ventilation in this home. This is a huge mechanical cost. Like this is gonna cost you 30 k or whatever. Versus, you know, maybe you have, um, some issue with the bathroom or something. I don't know.

You know, there's just different things where you're gonna weigh, like, do you have a structural issue and a mechanical issue versus like there's, you know, uh, there was a leak under the sink, right? There's different levels, I think of, um, weighing those pros and cons for people and so that they can then say, okay, well do I have the money to, um, invest in.

This problem. Mm-hmm. Because there's gonna be something with every home, and it's about like, kind of coming up with a risk assessment at that point, because yeah, you can't find a house that just doesn't have, you know, uh, not a flat roof and Yeah. Uh, all these different things that are just crazy. Um, and then it becomes really stressful and then people feel really upset that they can't, they're, they're not finding anything.

And yeah. Um, it's a really challenging process. It's, that's probably the hardest. Mm-hmm. Um, helping people find new homes and just the vetting process of that. Um mm-hmm. Whereas it becomes a lot easier when you can just do everything you want with a

Jessi: home. Oh, custom homes are the best. Yeah. And, and I think, you know, it's, like I said, it's the dream for like every sensitive to have the opportunity to do that.

And, um, you know, from the ground up, choosing beautiful wood and knowing that it's, you know, Yeah, just there's so, I mean, there's so many things, right, of like, I mean, when we were thinking about basically doing that, we found out that we would have to basically tear our house down because it was just so bad.

Oh my gosh. Um, so, you know, we chose to go a different route that was more viable, but it's, I've, you know, looked into that down to even, like when you're building a home, like the season that you're building it in, are you building it in a wet season? Like, You don't want any of that? What? Like there's so many details that even building custom home, although it's ideal, it's a really gnarly process if you're really going for it.

Uh, and my husband and I have always joked like, that would be such a rad job to be like, An all natural builder where you just like everything like you do at old school, you know, I'm sure you've looked at people that have done that, you know, using the hay and using the plaster and really going for it.

Um, but doing it in a way that's beautiful, that's not just like, oh, okay, yeah, it's healthy, but I wouldn't wanna live there. You know? Yeah. It's really not that attractive. Uh, but building, like building homes like they used to be built where they can breathe and so that humidity you talked about is just naturally regulated by the walls and there's, it's cool in the summer and warm in the winter and um, you know, there's just a home microbiome that is balanced and mm-hmm.

So if there is mold, it's not toxic. Black mold from water damage, it's natural healthy that your body can, your immune system can be in relationship with. And you know, there's so many different things that are so different now in our modern world than like, back in the day I used to always think. Why am I so sensitive to mold?

Like I'm, my biggest heritage is French. I'm like French, eat mold. Like what is going on? Like my jeans should be able to handle this. They lived in castles, covered in mold, like what is going on? And when I learned that it's quite different, like I almost consider it like healthy natural mold spores.

Mm-hmm. You could obviously have an allergy to those, you know, but, um, mycotoxins are those toxins that are released by the mold, which we've talked about in other episodes, but like, that's different like water damage from modern buildings that create this, these kind of newer strains of mold that are so gnarly.

Like that's what we're talking about. Right. It's, yeah. And I think people. When there is that lack of knowledge, and honestly, this includes most of the mold industry, by the way, for those that are listening, most remediators have no concept of the true toxicity of molds. They're not properly trained, it's not putting them down, but they're just not properly trained.

And so, um, that knowledge out of understanding Okay. Healthy mold that I see on like, the outside that's like, we, like aesthetically like, oh, it's so pretty. It's a multi, you know, stonewall versus like mold in your wall from water damage is like two very different worlds. So there's so much to understanding the nuances of all of it, but I think at the end of the day, understanding that your health needs to come first, even above aesthetics.

Um, yeah. But at the same time, we don't wanna go the other extreme where we're living in this barren wasteland. Yeah. Because it's, it's so, um, purified. It's so, Clinical almost in a way where like all of the, the natural life has been eradicated. Like we don't want that either. It's a balance, right? Of finding, yeah, finding that, uh, like for example, this new space that I'm in, that we moved into, I happen to know that there's a little bit of water damage in my bathroom, like a little leak out into the wall.

I can see the bulge. I know it's there. We sealed it up. We have beautiful air filters going on, but it's the only thing in this whole space, as opposed to the previous home I was in that had multiple leaks, I could go on for hours about everything that was going on in that house. And so for me, it's like I've come to that place of knowing that every home I move into will have something and I'm renting, so we're not gonna do anything about it.

But if I did own the home, I'd probably address it, but it's one little thing and my immune system can handle that. Yeah. Um, and so it's just believing in the, the strength of our body. Um, but like what you went through, right? Years of, like, you didn't arrive at that point of losing, you know, memory and all of that from one exposure.

It was from numerous exposures over the years. So I think people don't understand that, that it's like when I work with people and help them clear mycotoxins and mold, they've, we track back and they've been exposed probably from childhood. So it's just the, the addition of layer upon layer upon layer that brings them to that point of sickness.

So once you clear your body and you're healthy, your body can handle the occasional exposure, even if it is regular, you know? So I think that's important to understand too, right? Yeah. you, uh, Go into an office or someone else's home and you know, you're like, oh dear, I can smell this.

Ashley: Yeah. It's, it's challenging because I don't, I don't feel the way that I used to feel, and I think that is where I built up the nervous system capacity. Mm. Um, that I think has really, really helped feeling safe, knowing my body can handle, knowing that just because I'm being exposed doesn't mean my body can't get rid of it.

Um, I think, but there are, you know, so even when I smell it, I'll see it. I'll, I usually say something cause I'm like, oh, that, that's small. No, you can't hide that. Yeah. Yeah. But, I don't usually feel that bad anymore. On occasion, I'll be somewhere where I'm like, I can't, I, I can't be here. Um, I was staying with a friend, uh, this summer who, uh, bought a house, uh, a humid climate.

Hmm. They were so excited about it. Um, I, I couldn't, I couldn't stay there. I had to go, I had to go get a hotel. Um, so there's situations like that where I know I need to leave, um, because I just can't, I can't fathom like spending three nights, but if I know I'm gonna be eating somewhere and I'm not gonna be there for long, I just let myself know, like, Hey, we're not gonna be here for that long.

Like the beauty about our homes, for the most part is that we do have the ability to control. Our own environment. We have the ability to control the food we eat and what we consume, um, and how we take care of our bodies, but we can't control everything else that's outside of our, our own home, right?

So I try to just know that I'm doing the best that I can in my own home, and then when I'm outside, it's okay. Because it happens, happens. Yeah. It happens. You there, you have to just come to some acceptance with that, I think. Mm-hmm. And it can be really, really hard and it can take a really long time to get to that place and Yeah.

You know, and depending on what kind of health issues you have, you know, I had never been del uh, diagnosed with mass cell activation or, um, you know, I, I don't have the H l a Dr. Gene. You know, there's things that make it more challenging for people. And so my experience is totally different and everyone's experience is gonna be totally different.

if you're not necessarily experiencing symptoms now, it's just always a good idea to be aware of your environment in a way so that you don't end up experiencing those symptoms down the road because it can happen to anyone, whether you have a predisposition or not. Mm-hmm.

So, um, It's, it's such a delicate dance and it, everything plays a role. The food that we're eating, um, our environment, our nervous system, and our emotional health and, and taking care of our trauma and looking at maybe what's keeping us sick. Yeah. Um, I had learned from, mind body spirit release, which is an emotional technique to help you release trauma.

that I wanted to be sick because I had a deep inherited trauma, that no one would ever love me for who I am, because, and that maybe being sick was a way for me to feel that people loved me, you know? And it's not something that I was conscious about, but wow. When I heard that, I thought, wow. And then you kind of look at your childhood and you look at the things in your life and you start to really dig into those shadow pieces and, what could be holding you back from actually truly wanting to heal and believing you can heal.

And so there, there's a huge component to that as well. And so our environment is a huge piece. We have to avoid those toxins for sure, but we also have to, once we are sick and, um, are experiencing symptoms and we feel like we can't figure out what's going on, we also have to try to dig a little bit deeper than just the symptoms themselves and what could be holding us back.

So, boom.

Jessi: Yeah, exactly. Thank you for completing that circle. Mm-hmm. That's holistic healing, right? It's not just one piece. We're such layered beings. And you can eat the perfect food for your body. You can have the perfect supplements. Know exactly how to. Sauna properly and you know, do all the clearing acts, um, but be holding on to deep wounds of grief or rejection or abandonment, and that is the block.

That will hold those toxins in, right? Mm-hmm. The body, we as beings, can block and hold onto things through so many different means. Mm-hmm. So it is so important to look at all the layers and to understand that, that we are complex and beautiful in that way. Um, but yeah, just like when we're looking at the home, we're talking about all the different layers of a home, right?

From the wood that it's built with to the air quality, to the electricity, to the devices we place in the home to the furniture we choose. The wall decor, the paint. Uh, we're the same way. You know, we are spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, and we have to look at all those layers as we choose to heal too.

And, um, our. Our perspective on the world is, is so shaped by our subconscious, right? What is it? 90. It keeps increasing. Every time I read, I'm like, now we're at like, 95% of who we are is subconscious. I'm like, oh my gosh. Wow. Wow. It's just, it's huge. And so there's so much that we're doing that we're not even conscious, we're not aware, we're not presently aware of, you know, and, uh, it's so important for us to step into that space and understand that we're not just carrying our experiences, we're carrying generations of experiences, right?

Mm-hmm. We've got generational trauma. We've got, um, what we experienced in the womb as newborns, you know, and those first eight years are so impactful and that they made you who you are today. So it's. It's so important to think about all those things, even as we talk about, you know, air filters and Yeah.

Plugging in your phone and stuff like that. It's all on the same level. It really is. Yeah. It really is. So it's just wherever you are in your season, you know, whatever's coming forward, lean into that. Like if you're in a season right now of leaning into the energetic and the spiritual realm, like, it may not be time to look at your home, but if this is resonating what we're talking about, you know, um, and maybe you've been living in this for a long time.

Don't forget about the spiritual, like you shared. Don't forget about the energetic, don't forget about those, uh, more ethereal aspects as well. The physical Yeah. And the, the invisible are all wrapped up together. Mm-hmm. Which is I think, oh my gosh. Which interesting about like electro radiation and even mycotoxins and endotoxins.

Since we can't see those things, they almost have a spiritual. Like element to them, don't you think? Mm-hmm. Yes. Because it's so much of a belief factor. Like people are like, I don't believe in that. I don't believe that. That's true. And you're like, I'm not trying to like convince you of a religion here, but at the same time it's like, it kind of is on the same plane because it is invisible to the naked eye, you know?

Oh my

Ashley: gosh, yes. You're so right. It's like, oh, oh my gosh. Yeah, because it's like at the, especially when you're finding out about this, it's like you're trying to convince people to believe Yeah. Uhhuh and it, it really is. Wow. Yeah. I never really thought of it that way, but you're totally right. Oh my gosh.

Jessi: Oh, it's, it's tricky. Yeah. The work you do is challenging because you are. Yeah, you're really working almost within the spiritual realms in that way. So I'm so grateful for all that you do. I know I could talk to you for hours and hours and hours. Um, as far as like those that are listening specifics, like, I cannot recommend Ashley's Instagram more, like get plugged in with her because I feel like every day you're giving helpful resources, like what air filter should you use?

You have all these incredible tips of how to clean, of how to, you know, basically do all the things that you're embodying and representing. So, I know we didn't get into too many of the nitty gritty, but I think that's because it's already there. Like it's already accessible. So, um, you know, we're going deeper on this episode, but if you're kind of like, Hey, I want, like those tools, they're there on your Instagram.

So tell us a little bit more about how people can connect with you and how they can learn from you and ideally work with you too. Yeah,

Ashley: so Instagram, obviously I share all types of random stuff, not necessarily all pertaining to how you work with me specifically, but just living a healthy lifestyle. I like to share that.

And I think because I'm in such a season of the spirituality and um, trying to open up and reconnect and, and um, open up some of those blocks that I've been having on my own healing journey, you're gonna be getting a lot more of that. Um, which I think was why Awakening Spaces was born in originally, cause I was always drawn to that side of things.

Um, So, yeah, Instagram. I have a newsletter that goes out once a month called The Monthly Awaken, where we really go deep into, uh, either questions someone has asked or just, uh, really I try to make it really, really value packed. So if that's something you're interested in, you can sign up using the link in my bio on the Instagram.

Um, and then, yeah, if I work with people in a few different ways, I do renovation consulting and new build consulting. Um, so depending on where you are in your journey, we look at how you can build back your home or build your home from the ground up. Um, looking at everything from the site that you're, that you're building on, on the orientation of your home, um, oh my gosh, it is such a deep dive into all things healthy home.

And there's just so many factors that create a healthy environment. So, uh, we support you through all five phases of design, um, until you walk into your door. And, um, I'm working on a, a product right now called the Awakened Homeowner, which is gonna be sort of for anyone who wants to just have a healthy home no matter where you are in your journey.

It's gonna be a combination of how to videos, it's checklists, it's, you know, why uh, healthy homes are important and how to use the different tools. And that's gonna be coming out, um, hopefully in the next couple of months. So you'll be able to search something in a search engine and find the video that you're looking for.

So this will be a really easy way to, um, just keep your home healthy, um, learn how to prevent things in your home. Just become an awakened homeowner. So if you're interested in connecting, um, always feel free to reach out on Instagram and chat. I love making new friends there, so,

Jessi: yeah. Uh, that's so needed, Ashley.

Like, amazing. I'm so excited. Thank you. Thank you. I'm gonna be using that. I'm gonna send all of my clients because that's, it's so needed and it's such an overwhelming space. So to have your wisdom, to have you as a guide is gonna be so huge. Oh my gosh. Thank you for creating that. I can only imagine how much work is going into this project.

Ashley: Oh, it's, it, it's been a journey, but it's been fun. It was supposed to come out last year, but I, I lost my father and it tur derailed everything and it is totally okay because it's happening in divine timing. So

Jessi: yeah. That's always how it works. Mm-hmm. It's always how it works. Hmm. Yeah. And there's always something that you need to experience sometimes before you put something out.

Yeah. So,

Ashley: yeah, definitely.

Jessi: I have one final question for you that I ask all of my guests, and it's kinda off the wall, but it's just fun. Okay. So if you were a plant, any kind of natural element, like it can be a tree, a flower, an herb, what would capture your essence? What would you be? Oh,

Ashley: um, I would probably be a San Pedro cactus.

Ooh. I love them. They're resilience. They're, you know, they're just, they're simple, but they're beautiful. I just love them.

Jessi: I love that San Pedro Cactus beautiful. It's like, do you know what that looks like? I have a vision in my mind, but I'm questioning if it's accurate. It's just like your

Ashley: standard cactus that is just like one cactus has four ridges on the side.

It's just, I love it. I love everything desert.

Jessi: That's good. That's actually really good for like a healthy home. Dry,

Ashley: dry

Jessi: climate. Very dry climate. Yeah. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I love that. That's perfect. I can see that even in like your design behind you in your home, like those colors and everything. I'm like, okay.

Yeah. I can see the, the sandy neutrals and the, the pop of green and that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That's, I love it. That's my favorite. Well, Ashley, thank you for bringing beauty back into non-toxic living. Like, honestly, it's been so needed. My little soul has been withering away in those spaces, so thank you.

When I found you, I was like, oh, praise God. Like this is exactly what's needed. Like finally someone that's doing it well, like anyone that's listening, you go to your website and you're like, oh, okay. Yeah, she knows she's got it. Like this is, so this makes me so happy. Even just like scroll through your website cuz it's just so beautiful and clean.

And Thank you. And yours too.

Ashley: I actually love it.

Jessi: Oh, thank you. Yeah. You know, send to the souls, just enjoying each other's

Ashley: stuff. Love it.

Jessi: Love it. Oh my gosh, Ashley. Well is there any final thing that you would like to leave our listeners with, um, as we close out here today? Ah,

Ashley: just that there's so many facets to our health, but.

We can't forget to just what life is all about, which is joy and happiness, and life is meant to be lived. So if you're on the health journey and you feel like you're just giving things up and going through the struggle, just know that it's just the season that you're in to build capacity in your body, to get you back to that joy that you are meant to have and you deserve.

And it's all gonna be okay, and it really is.

Jessi: So. Amen. It'll come. It'll come. It'll come back. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's, that's a beautiful reminder. Oh my gosh. Thank you. Yeah. Aw, Ashley, it's been a joy. Thank you so much for joining us. Yeah. Thank

Ashley: you so much for having this platform for us to chat about this.

Jessi: wonderful. Of course. My pleasure.

Jessi: Hey there. Before you go, let me ask you two quick questions. Are you honoring your natural sensitivity with your current choices? Are you feeling like your healthiest, most authentic self and body? If you answered no to one or both of those questions, I highly recommend trying out my method. It'll get you started. Or you're welcome to work with me one-on-one if you need to address Deeper health imbalances. If you loved this episode, please leave us a review or share it with someone you care about. Your support means the world to us and keeps us going. We wish you all the love and care. À votre santé, my friend.

Connect with Ashley Spanovich

• @awakeningspaces

• Awakeningspaces.com

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Natural Sensitive Resources Below:

• Authentic Calm, the podcast

• Mêrfleur Natural Living Recos, for Sensitive-safe products

• Merfleur Library, books to listen to or read

• Merfleur Wellness, to rebuild your calm and resiliency for sustainable health

  • See the Authentic Calm Method for self-care

  • See 1:1 Care for private support from Jessi

Episode 38: A Vulnerable Heart Share on Hermitness & Relationships

Conversation

Episode 38 Season 3

Are you conscious of the slightest subtleties in others? Are you a lover of quiet downtime? Are you attuned to the details of your environment? Are you most at peace when there is no pressure? And are you deeply affected by nature, music, stories, food, and other forms of art? And have you also been this way for as long as you can?

If yes, then it's quite possible that you are a Natural Sensitive, like me, commonly referred to as a highly sensitive person. A Natural Sensitive is simply someone whose sensitivity is innate, healthy, and a gift to everyone it touches. Welcome to the Naturally Sensitive podcast, a show for the holistically minded, natural sensitive.

Here we talk all things sensitive and natural. My name is Jessi Michel Agadoni, and I am your naturally sensitive health guide and. My purpose in this lifetime is to help you cultivate a beautiful, rich life void of constant overwhelm, anxiety, depression, autoimmunity, or any other imbalance that could prevent you from having the impact I believe you are called to have on this world, my functional healthcare practice, me floor wellness, and my unique method teaches Natural Sensitives like you, how to build sustainable health by honoring their natural sensitivity. I created this space as a free resource to share what I've learned through my own life, and also had the honor of witnessing in the lives of my sensitive clients. I do this because I truly believe that if all Natural Sensitives have the support to live as their unique body's request, this world could be a much more beautiful and peaceful place.

So today we will take yet another step towards creating this healing reality together. Let's dive in.

Jessi Michel Agadoni: Hello, my natural sensitive family. Welcome back to the podcast. Today I am coming to you from my bedroom. It's been a while since I've recorded just kind of in the moment, and I wanted to follow my intuition on this one. This is something that this topic has come up many times for me, especially over the last five years, and.

I really wanna speak into it because I haven't heard anyone else do it. And that to me means that there needs to be more voices discussing this. So this is an episode that is truly a. An open-ended, thoughtful consideration, and maybe even love letter to my fellow hermit natural sensitives as natural sensitives.

We tend to just in general, Enjoy a more quieter life with less, uh, relationships and just people in general in it. Not always. Some of us are naturally extroverted. Uh, but I would say kind of on the whole there is less, uh, desire for. Constant interaction and relationship maintenance, uh, with natural sensitives than there is for those that are on the lower end of the sensitivity spectrum simply because we get, uh, easily filled up.

It's a nice way to say it. We don't need quite as much to fill our cup, and so just good, deep, solid. Powerful interaction for an hour or two will like satisfy us for a while. Uh, whereas someone that is more extroverted and or on top of that less sensitive, um, not only wants more but can handle more, uh, handle more interaction, handle more engagement, handle more information, uh, so.

This is actually an episode for those of us that are within even potentially a minority, uh, in the natural sensitivity family. And I, for a while assumed this was how all natural sensitives were, but I've come to realize that nope, even with within this grouping or this, this, uh, Community. I am rare, so I know that there has to be others out there that are similar.

I also feel like it's important for me to share this because I am putting myself out here as an example of a natural sensitive, and I wanna make sure that. Anyone that's listening that is a natural sensitive, knows that you don't have to look exactly like me. In fact, you're not supposed to. You are your own unique expression of natural sensitivity.

And so you may feel completely different about this topic than I'm about to dive into, and that doesn't mean that you're not a natural sense. That doesn't mean that you are unhealthy. That doesn't mean that I'm unhealthy. It doesn't mean that anything's wrong. It just means that we're different and we're wired a little bit uniquely.

And that's beautiful because we're meant to bring different things. We're meant to play different parts and different roles in this lifetime. So I just wanted to kind of say that at the beginning. Um, but I just need to share about this because I find that it's either. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's that a lot of people just don't realize that this is how they are and they don't feel permission to live in alignment with it.

Or if it's just that it is quite rare. And I am a bit of a, an oddball, and I don't mean that in a negative way, but just like, um, I, I'm not the usual so. Let me just dive in here. I think the best way to begin this conversation is the topic of friendship. Uh, I adore people. I love observing people. I love getting to know people.

I love, uh, thinking about people, praying for people, supporting people. Uh, my biggest, I think, Passion is really seeing people heal, seeing people recover, seeing people joyful, and to be that bearer of joy and hope for people. So I, I say that because to me, I think a lot of times when someone has more hermit like behavior, there is an assumption that they hate people or that they're injured.

And that there's a lot of trauma and that they just need to heal past that, and then they'll be quote unquote normal again, and I'm sure there's going to be a hoard of therapists and psychiatrists and all sorts of people that will disagree with me on this, and that's okay. I'm just sharing my personal experience and opinion, which of course, I absolutely accept could be flawed, but this is where I am in my life and this is my current perspective.

Uh, so I'm gonna lean into it just in case anyone else out there is feeling similarly. And I give myself permission to change my mind as well. I may think differently about it in a year. So, uh, But I want to propose that it is quite possible to be relatively healthy, cuz we're all on the journey towards ultimate health, right?

I don't claim perfection, but relatively healthy and not need much. Engagement. Let me dive into this even more. So, as many of you know, I've grown up in a conservative Christian environment, and within that culture there's a lot of discussion about community and this absolute requirement of being in community and that that's really like what healthy humanity looks like is community.

And community in that context, at least to me, seems to be defined as something that involves a lot of in-person engagement over the phone engagement, just a lot of continual interaction. And if there is a lack of that, then it's a sign of selfishness, unhealth, disconnection. Potentially even lack of godliness and maybe even this, I feel like people go here quick now.

A sign of unhealthy seclusion that could be representation of like a mental disorder of some kind. And part probably in that same category, like massive trauma where they, I'm trying to think of the. Expert term for this, but I know there's many different attachment styles, and I'm totally blanking on this right now, which probably means, I'm not meant to remember it, but there's just different kinds of attachment styles.

And so I think a lot of people go into like, oh, you're this kind of attachment or that kind of attachment. And I think there's a place for that. And I think it's beautiful to study that, and I'm always fascinated by those kinds of things, but I think sometimes we get so obsessed with. Pinpointing and labeling people in order to understand them so that we ourselves can feel better about ourselves if we're different than the other person, that we forget that there can just be unique attributes of people that just because someone's different doesn't always mean that there's something wrong with them.

Right. So I think that's kind of my general take away. But as I was saying, just this community I grew up in, it was very anti. Hermit like behavior or lifestyle. And I just of course followed along and didn't know that I appreciated alone time. Um, I mean, I think I kind of deep down knew it, but I couldn't really like.

Explain, you know what, what it was that I needed. I just knew I was constantly overwhelmed. And then once I knew I was as sensitive, once I knew I was an introvert, I started really permitting myself to pull back on a lot of these things that I assumed were required. Uh, once I started learning about healthy boundaries, I started setting up just natural what I would still consider healthy boundaries, and then started realizing that.

These boundaries that other people were telling me were necessary didn't feel quite like enough for me. Like I still needed more space or, or what was told to me was just a period of healing and recovery that would end, and then you would be like full of all this energy and capacity and ability to receive people again.

Like that didn't happen. It was more like, oh, I love this. Wait, I don't really. Want to go back to that life and I am now five or so, I don't even know. It feels like five years in. And I have to be honest, I love my life. I love the strong boundaries that I have. And it's funny, I don't even consider them boundaries anymore.

I just consider them. My natural way of my natural rhythm of moving through life. Uh, if you've ever done my method, you know, I have a section, a layer called the Rhythm, and when I answer all of my questions in there, When I do my reflection, I require so much alone time in order to have capacity to give at the level that I wanna give with others.

And I think where I'm at now is that I'm no longer okay with half-assing relationships. And so what that means is that if a relationship looks like it's going to be. Too much right off the bat. I have a tendency to just. Not go there. And that's something that I've been recently reflecting on and kind of asking myself like, am I assuming, am I not giving people a chance?

Am I being too anticipatory of what is involved in a relationship and, and being too standoffish, right? Too reserved. Am I afraid of? Getting overwhelmed again, am I afraid of losing control? Am I asking myself all these questions to really make sure that I'm not just quote unquote isolating myself out of a place of unhealth or fear or hurt or different things like that?

And I'm not even gonna say that. That that's not true. Like it, it, I'm sure, I'm positive that there's an element of that in there because I know that if you're like me and you want to give so much to each person that's in your life, that's a big commitment. And it's not even, it's not even. Like physical time because for me, and this is the, this is the thing that I feel like is so hard for me to describe to people because I have, I have yet to come across someone that has the same experience.

And so if this is you, please DM me, let me know. Cuz I would love to know if I'm the only one. Um, which I doubt it, but I have yet to encounter someone that feels the same way. I'm trying to like figure out how to say this. When I allow someone into my inner circle into my world, I'm always thinking about them and I've gotten to a place where it's actually quite healthy.

I used to. Not have control over that. And it would just like take over my, my world and my life as I was constantly wondering about them, worrying about them, praying about them, thinking about them, and not in like an obsessive way, maybe it was, but more just like they're on my heart is the best way for me to describe it.

And so like, I would send them a text every few days, like, how are you doing? You know, or, um, meet me even every a couple weeks, you know, and just engaging. And for me that's a lot, just to be clear, to give like a, a parameter on that. Cause I know some people are the type that are like talking every day to their people, and I've never ever been that kind of person.

So for me to be like reaching out to someone, And saying like, Hey, how are you? Like, how's it going? Or even often it was just to like, thinking about you, praying for you, like based off our last conversation or whatever, whatever the topic was or whatever the thing was. And uh, and I would just, I even in my, my prayer time, my morning time, like those, those people would come up and I would be just sitting, praying over them and.

And just sending them love basically. And before I had healthy mental boundaries and emotional boundaries. I literally, that was my whole life was just like constantly, even though I was definitely moving through my life and no one else really knew, but it was just my mind. And my spirit was so consumed with other people's, uh, lives that I was kind of just cruising through mine, just floating through mine.

And now I feel like I'm very engaged with my present life, who I am, why I'm here, what I'm about, and then those that I allow into my inner circle. When I kind of turn that on, turn on that engagement, like it's just this, it's beautiful, deep, rich, uh, thoughts, prayers and or actual engagement of like reaching out, having a call, grabbing a tea, whatever, texting, things like that.

And it's just that circle has gotten smaller and smaller and smaller over the years because more because of how other people respond to my approach. Uh, and I apologize if I'm like running around in circles, but I'm just letting myself verbally express and process my thoughts here. Uh, I've noticed that when I am my true, authentic self, I don't need per, I personally don't need much interaction at all.

If I'm, if I'm brutally honest, which this is gonna maybe shock some people. Me, myself and I, God and Josh more than enough for me. I'm so happy with just that engagement as far as like continual en engagement, continual interaction. Now that to be said, I would be, of course, so devastated and sad if I didn't have the occasional engagement with friends.

Every few weeks or every few months or, um, maybe even for some of my friends that are just, we are just so connected. We can meet like twice a year. And that's enough because when we engage, it's so powerful and potent and beautiful and we just, we don't even have to speak to understand each other. It's just really, really beautiful and I do have a few people in my life that would probably say, That they're similar and that they just, that's it.

That's all they need. You know? We only need a couple interactions a year, which maybe that sounds crazy, but it's just those relationships that we just, we're so similar we're, we're moving through life in at least spiritually in such a similar way that it's, yeah, that's all we need for nourishment of our relationship and of each other, and of ourselves and for my everyday like, My relationship with God I've come to realize is quite unique and that it is so real to me.

It's so potent to me that I'm very filled by that. As well as, um, my relationship with my husband slash best friend Josh. Like, he's just such a, we're definitely a unique couple, I think, in that way, in that we really satisfy each other's, uh, relational needs. And so anything outside of that, Is what requires capacity for me and, and I have limited capacity and I'm not ashamed of that anymore.

I'm actually, I've fully embraced that. So the only issue is to go back to, I was saying before that come forward are when I engage with people that are quite different. And that is like 99% of people that just do not understand me and. And most of the time take my lack of need or. Natural desire for continual engagement as a personal rejection.

And I think, if I'm honest, most of my life I was, I played the nice girl role, I played the, I'm normal role, so I'm gonna just of course, meet up with friends every time I'm in town. Or of course I'm gonna have coffee and tea with anyone that asks me to it. And of course I'm going to text and call and, and just be.

Like maintain, quote unquote maintain like everyone else does these relationships. Cuz that's what, that's what they want from me. And if I don't give them what they want, then they will reject me. And my greatest fear was rejection. My greatest fear was to be abandoned and to be alone. And I think that's all of our greatest fear at the end.

And for me, I've come to realize that. I still to this at this moment, would not wanna be rejected and fully alone. Like I God, like I said, God and I are, we have a really powerful, nourishing relationship. But like, if, if I had no one else but him, uh, God is a he for me, uh, if you haven't picked up on that yet, but I, I, of course, would feel lonely.

I, I do feel like I am meant for human engagement and connection, but I think my. Measurement of that is quite different from most of humankind and even most of natural sensitives. And as I've become braver and become more confident in who I am, I have leaned more into my true, authentic, natural sensitive self.

And that is a lot of. Alone time technically, even though I don't feel alone. And a lot of natural releasing of relationships. And I think I've done a couple, I've mentioned here and there, kind of what that's looked like as far as like. Letting people go or people letting me go or things like that. And to be honest, some of it's been just really simple because it's, if the other person acknowledges that we're just different and, and there's just kind of this unspoken like release, then that's, that's the praise God.

That's the easiest experience. And I've had, I've had a decent amount of that, but to be honest, I've also had a lot of people that have like, I think they would put it that they fought for, and I would, I would agree with them. They fought for our relationship and that's the most heartbreaking because what they're fighting for is something that's not real.

What they're fighting for is a fake engagement with me because true relationship with me is not gonna look like what they want it to be. Does that make sense? A lot of friends or people that I meet. Based off their first impression or second, or even third or fourth impression of me, uh, because I am very friendly and very open and people feel so safe with me, which I am, I'm so honored to, to be that kind of person.

Maybe that sounds prideful. I don't know. It's just I'm, I'm very comfortable with who I am now and I'm very aware of how I impact people, and so I've just seen it time, time again where people just immediately feel safe with me and, and want to. Be close with me, which is I do consider such a responsibility and such a privilege to the point that if I cannot match them, if I cannot, uh, meet what they're experiencing, like they're experiencing a depth right off the bat, that is not what I'm experiencing.

I'm hoping that makes sense. So like a fellow woman engages with me and there's so many different ways I meet people. And they just, they adore like what I'm saying, and they feel so safe with me. Maybe I share something that they're like, oh my gosh, me too. I've never heard anyone else that has experienced that too, and they feel this instant bond with me.

They feel like, oh my gosh, I found a soulmate friend, and I feel like, oh, I just shared something that I would tell anyone. And so for me it's, it's an imbalanced relationship right off the bat. And that's so hard because. I feel the weight of their connection, and there's the part of me that wants to meet it.

One, because I want people to feel so loved and cared for, and it breaks my heart to not be that person for them to not solve that need in them that I can see so clearly. And they're looking at me and giving me all the non-verbals and maybe even physically telling me like, you're the friend that I've been waiting for, basically.

And I'm like, oh my gosh. Like, that's so much like responsibility. Like, ah, and the the thing is, is like if this happened every now and then, it wouldn't be a big deal, but it happens to me all the time. And so I've had, I've been forced to learn how to. Gently love on someone while also not committing to them.

And it is the hardest line I think, of my entire existence that I have to walk. And sometimes I do it well, and sometimes I do not. Sometimes I'm not able to navigate it well and I'll own it. Sometimes it's my fault because I'm just like, Not in a good place. I'm disconnected from myself and I'm wobbling between trying to please them and then going home and remembering who I am and then being frustrated that I tried to please them.

And then, you know, like I'm, I'm human. Like that happens. And other times I, I am really connected and I'm in my true self in the moment. I'm able to like, navigate it authentically and honestly and, and beautifully and purely and cleanly. But other times I crash and burn and I hurt the other person and that is like, Like, my body's like vibrating right now.

Like, that is the most painful thing for me is to know that I hurt someone else and because I feel it, you know? And that's as sensitives like often what our biggest reason for not setting boundaries or not living authentically is, is we don't wanna hurt other people because we feel that same hurt. And it's, it's a.

If I'm fully honest, I think it's a combo of us selfishly not wanting to experience that, and then, you know, 50 50. Then the other side, just purely having such a tender spirit and so much love for the other person that we don't want them to experience it either, and maybe that percentage is off, maybe it's 60.

40 or if is my math right, whatever. And it probably varies depending on the person and the situation. And, and there's definitely times where I do meet with someone. I'm like, oh my gosh, no, I feel, I feel this too. And, and we have a mutual connection and it's a mutual engagement and there is a beautiful relationship that is fostered.

I wanna be clear that that does occur as well. But if I'm. Again, brutally honest, which I feel like this whole episode is about. That's so rare for me. It's so rare for me, and I'm sure that has a lot to do too with my own wiring, uh, my natural sensitivity, as well as my developed sensitivities, meaning my.

My physical health, if my, my nervous system is still recovering and my trauma, my, my emotional health. Like I, I know that I, I am very protective of myself and I've been rejected and hurt in the past by family and friends. And obviously I'm just describing like lots of relationships I've had to gently, you know, guide out.

And a lot of them have not gone well. And that has, of course left scars and things like that. So, um, I'm, I'm a mixed bag, you know? And I think the truth is that we all are, and if anyone's trying to act like that's not true, then I call bs. You know? Um, I, I never want to. And I know I'm gonna have moments of pride, and maybe I have, maybe you've heard me have moments of pride on this podcast because I'm absolutely human.

Uh, but I, my goal and my hope is to, as much as I can continue to remain truly not falsely, truly humble, through acknowledging and owning that I am a mixed bag, owning that I will never do something perfectly. My percentage of. Of purity and clear desire may increase and decrease depending on my personal capacity.

But my hope and my intention is always to love and to be loved. And, uh, I think that is everyone's ultimate goal, unless they're just so foggy from their own developed sensitivity, which can happen. I feel like I just shared so much. I'm like, okay, what did I just share? Uh, but I just, this episode is really a way for me to maybe get off my chest, like the reality of who I am.

And, and maybe it's a, a note to any of you that have reached out to me and wanted to connect and, and felt hurt because I, I. Hopefully gently and kindly said, that's not what I offer through this podcast. This listening to this podcast does not guarantee like a, a permanent relationship with me outside of the podcast.

And that's not because you are not worthy. That's not because you are not an amazing human. That's not because I am, don't love you. It's not because I'm, I'm rejecting you. It's just because. That's who I am. And, uh, it's, and it's not even that like a person has to be perfect or. Have everything together to like come into my inner world.

That's not even it at all. I have my, my inner world, people will tell you they're, they're mixed bags as well. It's, it's a weird, intuitive spirit connection thing that I just sometimes have with people and sometimes don't. And if I do have it, I lean into that and if I don't, I trust that and I release, which is really weird in our culture because I don't know too many people that honestly do that, and I feel like an alien because of it, and I feel sometimes like a horrible person because of it, because I feel.

Like, I let so many people down and I disappoint so many people. Um, but more and more as I get older, as I get deeper into who God made me to be, the less willing I am to be someone that I am not in order to make someone else feel better and I have to, in order to balance that, those emotions that come forward with that I have to trust.

That if someone walks into my life in any way, that I don't feel an intuitive connection to, that I'm not feeling a strong yes to, even if they're a beautiful soul that maybe I'm very intrigued by, I'm very drawn to in other ways, I have to trust that God is bringing them into my life in order for me to say no.

In order for them to experience that and to have something. Hopefully beautiful results out of it. That is something that human design has really helped me with. Being a manifestor, which is my energy type in human design, it means that I am a literal catalyst. And when I first learned that has been a huge part of my.

My healing process, I was so honestly angry of like, I don't wanna be a manifestor. Manifestors are are intense. They're quote unquote mean. They're, they're, they're weirdos. They're these odd hermits that upset everyone and are angry all the time and like, I wanna be a projector. Like projectors are these wise guides that everyone loves and everyone responds to and feels so cared for by, and all these things.

Listen, I have a lot of projector energy to me, especially as my profiles a six two. I am here to be a guide. I am here to be a teacher. I am here to be that. That kind of. Up on the mountaintop view. Like I don't get caught up in the day-to-day drama. And I think that's another reason why I don't work well in those constant interactions that are talking about the day-to-day drama.

Um, I'm just like, I don't even, it's like my spirit doesn't even understand it. Like I, I can't go there anyways. So I have projector energy in a lot of ways, and I think that confuses people because they're like, oh, she's going to give me the projector. Um, relationship and no, I'm actually a manifester. I can give you the guiding and the teaching, which I'm so happy to, and I hope I always am so generous with that.

But the intimacy of. Engagement with many people is not my strength. I am a hermit. I probably in another lifetime could easily have been a nun or a monk. Like, to be purely honest, I really actually could have lived that life quite well. And my husband and I even joke sometimes that when I go into my deep permit seasons, I'm like totally, I call it my monastery season.

Like, yeah, I'm in, I'm totally in monastery mode. Like I just, and. I don't see that as unhealth anymore. For me, I see it cuz it ebbs and flows sometimes. I'm very social. It's weird. I get hit by these social seasons and then I have these deep, long monastery seasons and that's once I learned human design and I like literally that's how a manifestor is described.

I was like, holy shit. Oh, okay. That's just me. All this to say, if anything I'm saying resonates with you, please know you're not alone. Please lean into your authenticity. And I acknowledge, and I I'm with you in how fucking hard it is to, to live out because it's so not, not only not the norm in our culture, but it's literally seen as unhealth.

It's seen as. A mental disorder. Sometimes it's seen as these really aggressive labels that I don't agree with. And I'm not saying that there aren't people that fall under those labels, and I'm maybe not even saying that Sometimes I don't follow under those labels. But I also can honestly say that this is truly who I am.

And if culture decides that my love of alone time is a sign of UN health. Then, okay, maybe that's how they're gonna label me. But if that's who I truly know myself to be, I'm going to continue to be that. Even if it means that I'm ostracized or labeled in a weird way until hopefully later at a later date, it's understood or accepted.

And that may or may not come, but at the end of the day, I need to be able to live with myself. I, I want to be. As I said in the very beginning, the most pure, potent form of myself for those that I do feel I am intentionally meant to invest in, and I have many levels of investment, which may sound very strategic and cold.

That's the Capricorn side of me. I don't mean it from a place of coldness, it's just a way that my mind understands and kind of organizes. How I engage with people so that I'm not overwhelmed. Okay. Like for me, I have like this podcast, like I'm currently giving so much of myself to you in this vulnerable way, but there is a level of boundary and that I can't see you.

I can kind of energetically feel the vibration of people listening, which is an interesting experience. Uh, but I, I'm not overwhelmed in any way by it. Then I have. Random people I meet on the street like the same thing. That doesn't drain me. I actually. Really love engaging with strangers because there is kind of this ease and freedom to it, and there isn't this expectation usually if I navigate it well of commitment beyond that.

And then there's like my clients, for example, who I value so highly and I feel deeply called to. And so for me, there's a lot of protective steps that I take to honor my energy so that I can be present with them. And I've had to really limit my client base in order to do that well. And then there's, you know, kind of on the same level are like friends and dare I say, family, you know, and a lot of my friends and family would wanna be at a closer level.

But the truth is, I kind of. Inter engage with them in a similar manner that I do with my clients and, and then literally there's this huge gap, and then there's this, what I would call my inner circle of like . And it, it changes like kind of based on the season, but it's includes myself, Josh, God, and then like a handful of people and kind of based on their own availability.

Sometimes too, it can shift and, and people can pop in and pop out, and it's not this rigid like you have to apply kind of thing. It's just this, I don't know how to describe it. It's just this flowy system where, In general, I usually have anywhere from like four to five people in my life that are in that inner circle at a time that I'm kind of investing in, in, in, in a more intimate way.

And they may not even know it sometimes to be perfectly honest, because a lot of times it can be an internal awareness and just kind of like holding them and, and that's, this may sound so weird to people, but it's like I feel spiritually called to do that and it's, um, I don't even know how to explain it.

And, and maybe I'm just a strange person and may or maybe everyone experiences this, but I've never heard anyone talk about it this way. Uh, but I do, I kind of like hold people in my mind in certain ways, and even people from like the quote unquote other layers. I may bring into that inner circle, and again, they may not even know it, but I'll bring them in for like a week just because maybe they told me something that was really like, it's usually like a hardship or something's just going on in their life.

Maybe it's a beautiful thing and I just feel very called to send love and energy and prayer and a lot of my presence to them. Again, it's so like energetic. I do a lot of my. Support energetically, I think is the best way to describe it. And so that's kind of what it looks like for me. And I think a lot of the pushback I feel from people, it's, it's mostly from people that really long for my physical presence.

And I get that from my intimate family. I get that from friends, I get that from clients. I get that from all sorts of people that just like would love to meet up with me in person and they want my physical body in their presence. And honestly, that for me is so. Challenging because that is where I am the most drained.

And so I have to be really filled up in order to do that. And what that requires is a lot of anticipatory notice. It's really hard for me to be flexible with my, uh, in-person time, unless I've had a lot of, like I've been in a monastery season. And I'm at the end of a monastery season and I'm like super filled up.

Then I get these crazy bursts of flexible energy where I'm like popping into people's lives, like, Hey, let's get together. And I'm like, so free. It's very extreme and I'm, I'm very filled up, so I have a lot of energy to give and I can be flexible and then, It dies off quite quickly, especially if I kind of use it up a lot.

And I think what's so hard is that when people just kind of observe me, it's quite confusing. And so they're like, but you're giving me weird vibes because you were so flexible here and then now you're being so, no, I need a lot of, you know, I need some rest time, or I'm not available, or you're so quote unquote guarded.

Or they may interpret it as caged or restricted or. Whatever, like you're blocking me, you're not letting me in at the same level of flexibility you did a couple weeks ago. And, and so I've had to take responsibility and learn my own pattern so that I can then communicate them to others. And again, I'm a mixed bag.

I'm in no way doing this perfectly. I'm, I'm hope to get better and better at it every year of my life to be able to help people not be hurt unintentionally by my natural rhythms because, That's one thing I think that's important to clarify that I've learned and I'm, I'm currently learning is that living authentically.

Doesn't give you permission to be a bitch. Doesn't give you permission to be mean. Doesn't give you permission. Just be like, well, fuck them. They need to figure it out. They need to figure me out. Right. That is true selfishness and in, I would say in the unhealthy form of selfishness, that's borderline narcissism, you know?

And so for me, it's walking the line of being authentic and owning who I am and honoring and respecting who I am will also. Recognizing that 99.9% of the people in the world are different from me, which is still kind of a new concept to me, and being gracious and kind enough to put myself in their shoes, which is not that hard for me, thankfully, but to then find the right words to communicate to them who I am so that they're not hurt.

Now, that is the end of my responsibility, right, is. Really taking that time to be like, Hey, I get it if this is confusing because I was so like energetic couple weeks ago, but this is my rhythm. This is who I am. It has nothing to do with who you are, how much I love you, how much I care for you, how much value you bring to this world to me, how I respect you.

This is literally based off my body's physical 3D ability to be present with you. And I'm not able to juggle that at this time. Like that's an example of something I would say. And once I've done my best in that moment, whether it was an incredible job or a a terrible job, I do my best with what I have in that moment to communicate.

And then my job is done. And how they choose to take those words, to take that intention, to take that energy that's behind it, to take my heart. And interpret it for themselves is their own business. And so I cannot fix, if they choose to see it as rejection, if they choose to see it as something negative, if they choose to be hurt by it, I can't fix that, and I'm no longer going to try to fix that.

And that is the biggest difference from who I was. Years ago, I no longer, Hmm. Sometimes I do. Let me be honest, I no longer attempt or I, I often try not to attempt, I'm trying to be totally honest, to manage people, to manage their reactions so that I am accepted. And what that means is that I experience rejection often.

And it's, it's, it's painful on both sides and, and I grieve. I grieve so much. That's probably one of my biggest emotions. I grieve the relationships and the engagements that went south that went sour when I didn't want them to. My hope is always a peaceful, loving release, whether it's just for. One request for a T date or an entire relationship.

And I think those that know me and love me truly for who I am, have come to respect my very independent, very hermit like Nish True self. And those are the people that have stood the test of time in my life. Those that cannot accept that are constantly hurt by me because they're trying to battle for and get me and coax me and trigger me into being someone that I am not, or they are trying to respect who I am.

This is the most heartbreaking one for me. They're trying to respect who I am. But at the end of the day, they just don't understand. And they just long for me to be someone else, but I'm not, and it's so hard for them and it's so hurtful and they just, they so wish I could be who they thought I was. And that's, that's the relationship I grieve the most.

Um, those are the relationships that are just so painful for me. And, and I do. It's, it's a, it's a, a gentle grieving and a, a gentle forgiving of myself and, and if needed, a forgiving of them. I often don't feel like they need forgiveness because it's just a, a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, uh, to different people trying to figure it out and, uh, yeah, and it's, it's hard.

So for anyone that has experienced that, Whether they're the receiver of that or the giver of that, I, I see you and I send you so much love, and I have, I've actually, I, I think I've also been the receiver of that at times. I can't think of a, an example right now, but I'm sure I have been, I actually have a lot of manifesters in my life, which is so funny.

So funny. I, I find, I think I've shared with you guys that both my parents are manifestors, which is really, really weird to have three manifestors in one family. So, I've seen the array of manifestor ness and I'm doing, I'm attempting my best at being the most healthy version of manifestor that I feel I'm called to be.

So, oh my gosh, this has been a really oof. I'm gonna have to do some I didn't. I po. I was about to do yoga and then I paused to like record this because I just felt like I was supposed to share it in the moment, which is always scary to me because I am an emotional authority in human design, which means oftentimes it's best for me to like sit on stuff.

But if I'm honest with myself, this is something I've been sitting on for years. So I'm sure there's so much more I could add and say and that I will come to learn and grow in over the next few weeks, months, years that I could add to this episode. And maybe I'll make another episode in the future on this, but.

I just felt like pausing in my life and sharing where I am and sharing this part of me so that those of you that listen, this is my announcement of who I am, my attempt to. Give you a fair warning also, as I said in the beginning, to clarify that this is not how all natural sensitives are. So if I say things that are based off my experience and my opinion, and you feel in the future around any topic and you feel like, oh, that's so weird, that's not how I experience life, it doesn't mean that you're no longer a natural sensitive or no longer welcome in the club or whatever.

It just means that we're wired differently. Um, and that's totally acceptable and totally lovely. So just tweak if I, if you're gonna take my advice, tweak it. To match what is authentic to you and what feels right and, and feels in alignment with your own intuition and your own divine guidance. So please, please, please, I am in no way, should no way be put on a pedestal.

I am definitely a work in progress just here to share my raw. Authentic self as much as I can on this space. So as we carry forward in the seasons that come in, the episodes that come, may you feel that and, uh, may you feel freedom to be yourself, however that is. Maybe you're on the totally other end of the spectrum of me and you're like, wow, that's crazy.

Like, I love being in connection with people all the time and that actually calms me down and relaxes my overwhelm and like, that's totally possible. You may feel so, you know, different like, I'm an alien and that's, or maybe you feel like an alien listening to me. That's okay. Please know that. Please know that.

So, yeah, I just, I hope that everyone feels permission from this share and good luck to Delfina as she attempts to summarize. The notes and the show notes and the title for this, this episode, everyone pray for her or she'll have done it by now. So everyone give thanks for her. I always feel bad when I record these kinds of like heartfelt episodes that like have no structure.

I always think of her, I'm like, oh, poor delphina. She's gonna have to like figure out how to summarize these show notes on the practical side. So just a little like random glimpse into what it's like to have a podcast and. Have a team and yeah, Delfina is a gift to us. All you guys like send her love through dms on, on the podcast, uh, Instagram, if ever you think of it.

She's the one that keeps us all sane as we listen to my, my random all over the place chats. Just how my brain works. Ugh. Okay, I will stop it here. I love you all. And may you be blessed. May you be blessed by this episode and the past episodes and the future episodes. May you feel divine connection through all of them and be drawn to God and to all that God made you to be to your authentic self.

Ugh, I just. I'm just excited for all of us as we grow and face this crazy, interesting, exciting era of humankind. My gosh, so much going on. But the more that we are our true selves, as odd and weird as that may come across to everyone else, the healthier we will make this world. And, um, the pure this experience will be and the more we will experience heaven on Earth, which I think is the ultimate personally.

So that's it. I love you guys. See you in the next episode. Hey there. Before you go, let me ask you two quick questions. Are you honoring your natural sensitivity with your current choices? Are you feeling like your healthiest, most authentic self and body? If you answered no to one or both of those questions, I highly recommend trying out my method.

It'll get you started, or you're welcome to work with me one-on-one if you need to address Deeper Health Imbalances. If you loved this episode, please leave us a review or share it with someone you care about. Your support means the world to us and keeps us going. We wish you all the love and care of a Tri my friend.

Jessi: Hey there. Before you go, let me ask you two quick questions. Are you honoring your natural sensitivity with your current choices? Are you feeling like your healthiest, most authentic self and body? If you answered no to one or both of those questions, I highly recommend trying out my method. It'll get you started. Or you're welcome to work with me one-on-one if you need to address Deeper health imbalances. If you loved this episode, please leave us a review or share it with someone you care about. Your support means the world to us and keeps us going. We wish you all the love and care. À votre santé, my friend.

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Natural Sensitive Resources Below:

• Authentic Calm, the podcast

• Mêrfleur Natural Living Recos, for Sensitive-safe products

• Merfleur Library, books to listen to or read

• Merfleur Wellness, to rebuild your calm and resiliency for sustainable health

  • See the Authentic Calm Method for self-care

  • See 1:1 Care for private support from Jessi