Episode 23: How Niceness Leads to Dis-Ease

Mar 11

Conversation

Welcome to the authentic calm podcast. I'm your host and guide Jessi Michel Agadoni . And season two is all about learning, how to navigate this chaotic life with its overwhelm and over-activation and ups and downs as a sensitive spirit. You and I are in this together. Let's dive in.

Hello, and welcome back my sensitives. Ah, so good to have you. I am excited. I. Shared a post on Instagram that I just felt such this huge urge to write about and had a huge response. And I felt like I wanted to continue the conversation here. So let's talk about, let's talk about being nice.

What does it mean to be nice and how does this impact your body? As a human, but especially as a sensitive. I'm just going to give it all to you in one sentence, maintaining your niceness is the path to disease. Let's talk about this. So first of all, why are you nice? Why is it that you feel you have to always be nice and what is nice?

What is niceness? Well, my interpretation or my definition is that. Is the repression of emotions. It is the repression of opinions. It is a repression of perceptions of life, and it is a repression of experiences. The way that you move through life and. We know if you've been following along on this podcast, that any repression of all of those things I just listed will ultimately lead to the expression of disease within the body.

You know, we've read through part one of when the body says no, and I'm going to be reading a part two soon here as I'm slowly making my way personally through the book. But I want you to read that book if you're like, I am a nice girl and I am someone that is maybe also considered a people pleaser.

Perhaps you are familiar with the terms, codependent measurements all of these, you know, terms and labels that basically define someone that is choosing to avoid. Creating a ripple in order to preserve their personal sanity and and standing within whatever environment they're in, whether it, whatever community or culture there's, they're in, they don't want to be considered mean like what are the opposites of niceness?

Right. We can think of some pretty intense words like bitch, right? Bossy mean, like I said On the other flip side martyr, needy, selfish you know, there's, there's so many terms that can be thrown on you if you're not considered nice. And for me, the biggest one was selfish. That was a really potent word in my family growing up that was used to make you feel very small.

And to reject any personal needs that you might have. And so, you know, again, I like to share on this podcast in a way that is as vulnerable as possible. I want to be raw. I want to not just talk about the concept of, of this or the theory of this, but the reality of what it looked like. For me as a highly, highly sensitive individual and growing up.

You know, I, I of course experienced the world differently than most people. And as a result experience, a lot of rejection around any sort of expression of my experience or my needs. I was, you know, received the message and owned the message absorbed the message that I was too much and that I was drama and that I was selfish.

You know that I was negatively impacting others by simply being my natural self. And so that felt horrible. I, my deep down, my deepest need just like yours is to be loved is to be accepted. That is the human nature. That is what we crave. And so when I experienced rejection, I didn't, you know, Tore me to pieces.

And so subconsciously and consciously, I decided that I would be nice. I would be acceptable to whom ever I was around. I became a chameleon. So wherever I was, I would put on the color of that person. I became their. Deal human. And you can ask people from my past it's I look back and I'm, I'm just blown away.

You know, whenever I was in an environment, I was always, you know, the adults favorite because I am a fricking old soul. I'm basically an 88 year old woman inside this 30, 33 year old body. And from a young age, I was very old and, and honestly, very mature. And it terrified adults and on one side, but also for those that weren't intimidated by it, they loved it because then it was like, oh great.

We have another adult here. We have another chaperone. We have another parent. Wonderful. Here's you hear all the jobs? And so. You know, I took on a lot of leadership roles and really stepped into a lot of things I should not have been asked to do because I was mature. And also on top of that, I was nice and I didn't have the skillset to communicate that, Hey, actually, I'm just 10 and I don't have the emotional capacity to, you know, resolve someone that's going through traumatic events simply because I'm their same age and I appear mature like an adult.

So there's so many different situations I can walk you through that I was put in because of my. Perceived maturity and my inability to say no. As I got older, I, you know, still I knew I could say no. I had the words, but I still felt blocked and didn't feel like I could say them because of that deep, deep fear of hearing.

Any sort of negative response, anything negative. And I'm talking even just tone. If someone gave me a really nice response, but with a tone that communicated that there was something wrong with me in their mind, I was destroyed emotionally, like body shaking. Out for days, I probably would get sick in a few days, like physically sick.

And I had all of these just gnarly responses. And so I wanted to avoid that physical, emotional, mental experience as much as possible. And I would say. Anything to step around it. And so that made me nice, right? It, it made me easy to work with. I was always happy, always smiling, always saying the right thing.

Very polite, very Hmm. Conscientious I'm, you know, because I also have the ability to really tune into other people's thoughts and fears and emotions and life experiences. And I can so easily put myself in their shoes. You know, I, I really did know how to become their perfect person, their perfect friend or partner or student or daughter or whatever it was.

And I made them so. Happy. And they loved being around me and I'm talking anyone and everyone in my life loved being around me. Unless they, they in general just, you know, didn't like me period, but for people that were well, let's just say I rarely had people didn't like me. And so, you know, whenever I did experience someone that didn't like me, that also absolutely wrecked me to the core and made me just work even harder to become what they needed.

Right. Honestly, it's like the worst thing I could've done. Right. So if someone doesn't even like you and you're nice, that's not a good sign to work harder to get their attention. But I just, I think it's important that one. You hear me share these stories because I'm assuming, and I can guess that you can relate to them.

Especially if you grew up in Christian culture. Now I need to talk about this because it's my past my personal experience. And I actually, most of my listeners, I think come from a similar background. This is not your experience, plugin, whatever was your experience, right? We all have cultures, religions, societies, structures that we grow up in that shape and mold us.

And for me, The conservative evangelical Christian Church. And within that culture, niceness is worshiped. It is absolutely worshiped. And right now, just even saying that it makes me so sick to my stomach because there is this massive disconnect between what God actually, I believe God actually invites us into and what the Christian culture invites us into.

God does not ask us to be nice. God does not ask us to repress emotions, opinions, perceptions, and experiences. God does ask us to step into other people's shoes and to be kind. But he also, and I personally connect with God as a, he as a little side note. But. God also, you know, asks us to have healthy boundaries.

He demonstrates it when he came down to earth as Jesus, he demonstrated a strong boundaries and, and times of rest and margin. And he said no. And he called people out and he spoke the truth and he did not act as a doormat. And so I think there's this massive misunderstanding within this culture that you have to just abandon yourself.

In order to quote unquote, be selflish to be quote unquote, a good Christian all this, sorry, but bull shit that is in that culture. I am personally so done with it. And I am not done with God. I am not done with Jesus. I am not done with. The actual origins of Christianity, but I am so done personally with the culture.

And I think there are people within the culture that are, you know, trying to redeem it and bring it to a place of truth and healing and, and actual love. But it is, it's got a long ways to go. And I think that's true. Any human structure. Right. I can speak to the Christian culture cause that's my personal experience, but we can, like I said, plug and play this into any other world.

You talk about nonprofit. You talk about our. Social activists. We talk about other religions. You know, every culture has their thing where niceness is really upheld. And it be it's fake. It's not real, it's not the honest, raw feelings that people, that honest rock experiences at people people are just being tender and, and walking around.

Or they're, you know, speaking boldly on one thing, but ignoring a whole bunch of other things. Cause again, they're being nice, right? They're not actually embracing the complexity of human nature, that complexity of world events, the complexity of world Structures and governments and whatever. Again, wherever culture you're thinking of personally, like there's so much bullshit in all of it.

And I don't necessarily have a perfect solution. I'm not here to resolve. I'm simply here to call it out and, and to act as a catalyst in my life, in your life. In those that are tuning in to say that being nice is not the answer. And all of this niceness is simply going to bring forward a disconnect it's going to bring forward, which manifests and brings forward illness imbalances and ultimately, you know, disease.

And yes, we are all going to die. To my knowledge. And so it is, you know, an inevitable for all of us, but the, the life, the quality of life that we can have prior to our death and the the ability to express our. Divine given gifts and our ability to live out our actual nature is hindered when we play into that role of niceness.

And it's, it's so huge, the impact of being nice. It's not only just. Shifting you and your body, but it's also affecting the culture around you, the community around you. Because I personally believe that you and I have been made with intention with specific purposes and giftings. And if we are ignoring those, if we are bypassing those, if we are repressing those suppressing those in order to be nice, we are not only just missing out on opportunity, but we are actually stepping out of the lines.

With who we're supposed to be, and it is changing our culture. It is changing our world for the negative. I think that if we all stopped worrying about what other people thought stopped worrying about being the right, whatever. Put in your name there, the right Christian, the right activists, the right millennial.

That's doing all the things. It's posting all the things and, and showing their politeness and I'm there I'm being appropriate and saying the right thing being, oh, PC, politically, correct. Like so much. With that. And just like anything good and bad can go, can intertwine when new things come forward in ways for us as a culture.

So yeah, there's so much, that's gone down over the last five years that is both horrendous and beautiful. And so I just want to say that I don't like to spend a lot of time in that crap because it's just. It's it's, it's so complex. It's not something that I think can be spoken about in a large general setting.

It needs to be a one-on-one conversation between people. And first and foremost big topics like cultural changes within religions countries, societies first need to start in our personal hearts. We. On our process. And then we can converse with others about it in a respectful manner. But again, without niceness, right?

So you can be respectful. You can be kind, you can be loving, you can be giving, you can be conscientious. You can be thoughtful. You can be aware, you can be intelligent. All these things you can be without being nice. Without repressing. Now you may have many conversations that are uncomfortable because within our beautiful country here, we are quite diverse in our view set.

And so most people will probably disagree with you, but we have to learn how to express ourselves in a manner that is neither aggressive nor. Submission right. Neither aggression or nor submission. So we are just saying, Hey, this is my experience in life. There we go. What is your experience in life?

Oh, wow. That's very different than my experience in life. Thank you for sharing that. There may be some things that we agree to disagree on, but I definitely see some areas where we can integrate and, and speak to each other and understand each other. And it's, it's learning how to. Remain embodied to stay ourselves alongside someone else that stays in themselves and, and be different.

That is okay. That is good. That is how we've been created. And, and that was the intention. We're not here to all just assimilate and become one blobby human. Disgusting. And it's not how we are made to be. That is my personal opinion. You're welcome to sit with that and agree to disagree. Or perhaps you also have experienced life in a similar fashion.

That being said, I am personally done with being nice. It doesn't mean that I won't still face it and occasionally fall back into those practices. I am by far not perfect by, in far away from, you know, having it all together, but I, it also means that I am. Very in this myself. And I am also just so, so ready to encourage others to join me in leaving behind the niceness, because I want to be able to practice with others, holding a space and hearing someone's different thoughts.

Our experiences or sensations or perceptions, all those things and, and allow myself to just receive or to just even maybe just let them express and, and hold that space that, that capsule for them and not take it and make it person all right. Cause that is what I was talking about in the beginning is whenever someone would reject.

I took it so personally to my very bones, to my very nervous system, to where my entire being was pulsating and freaking out and would turn and actually become physically. Ill because I felt so off balance and so impacted by that person. And they probably had zero idea, you know because it could simply have been a slightness of tone.

It could have been a simple the way they held their body. It absolutely could be the words that they said or didn't say I pick up on everything and so. And yes, I sometimes struggle with projection and that is a possibility, but most of the time, 90% of the time I can read people really well. And so it's not just someone saying to me, flat out, Jesse, that's wrong.

I disagree with you. You are an idiot. It's them using tone using Non-verbals to communicate that intention and me picking up on all of that. Whereas someone that wasn't sensitive might not even know that they were rejected by someone until they hear the little words. I think you're an idiot, you know, then they're like, oh wow.

That was so, you know, ha I'm so hurt by that. Which is honestly, sometimes I long to be that individual because I could move through life so much more easily. But because I pick up on every little tiny thing I can so easily be overactivated so easily be triggered and thrown into that full body. Just over-activation right.

Emotional and chemical reaction of the rise of cortisol and the intense thought racing and the lack of ability to recall. I call this stage fright you know, sensitive stage fright. It's one of, one of my first in, in the first part of my releases this year of the podcast and my inability to collect any intelligent thought.

I just become a space cadet because I'm just so impacted. So. It's challenging. It's hard, but I don't want to live that way. I, I don't want to be avoiding, I don't want to be that easily triggered, but I also don't want to be living in a way that's running away from all of that. I want to. Learn how to hold my own in those situations.

And I've learned so much over the years how to remain first of all. Cause I sometimes would literally run away, especially if it was someone really intimate. Like my husband, I would literally. I have to leave the room because I was so overwhelmed and so over-activated, but now I have the ability to hold my ground to be in that space, to experience the potential rejection and to witness my body and, and, and stay in my body.

It's hard. And I feel like each time I get better and better at it. And the goal for me is to be able to be my authentic self, to be able to, even in those settings, communicate my needs, communicate my opinions and, and not in an aggressive manner, but in a way it might even be, Hey, what you just said, like thank you for sharing that.

I am feeling this way. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, right? Would you mind if we pause this and resumed this conversation at a later date, or literally just in like 15 minutes, I'm going to just take a little beep over little, little beat off, over to the, in the restroom, or I'm going to go out to my car and I'll be back.

And then I'd love to continue this conversation in my body, you know, but. And we, and again, these are things we've talked about in previous episodes, but I'm really learning how to do that because that is where the strength is. It's not in being running away fully without communicating a need for space.

It's not being nice. And well, all these things are niceness, but I'm repressing my emotions or my opinions or my experience. It's not going the opposite side of getting so repressed that you have a volcano eruption and that over-activated response leads to a release of emotions, a release of words that maybe you wouldn't normally say and are the opposite of nice.

Because you've been nice for so long and you. No capacity or margin to be nice any longer. Those are not the places we want to be. Right. And, and all of that is expressed in the body too. So. It all comes back to me to reconnection of that ability to stay in my body, to reconnect and, and, and maintain that ease within the body so that whatever chaos through person or circumstance or world event hits me, I'm able to hold my ground.

And move through it though not perfectly with ease and that I can witness myself and, and know what steps I need to take in order to maintain my authenticity within it. So that is my personal goal and that is always something I'm trying to encourage all of us to do. And that's even what my authentic calm method is really about.

That's the foundation of it. And. It's learning how to be a healthy, sensitive, that doesn't have to be nice and actually chooses to be authentic and real and can maintain their physical health through that. Right. Really challenging work. So powerful and so needed. And I just think it's absolutely critical in order to be a healthy human, a holistically, healthy human.

So that being said I think the last thing I want to really touch on for those of you that are like, okay, you keep saying niceness leads to disease. What does that mean? What does that look like? Well, here's how it works. First of all, I recommend that you read when the body says no, So huge, Dr. a really important book.

It will change your life. You will see that almost every single disease, whether it's cancer or autoimmunity or just anything ALS I could list off all the different diseases that he discusses in his book and others have discussed in other books. There's always correlating personnel. And it always comes back to niceness the inability to say no that the caretaker, the person that puts aside their needs in order to serve others.

Growing up to me. I, I S I saw this actually pretty early on. I remember asking my parents, why is it that the nicest people? It's funny that I said that now that I think about it, but why is it that the nicest piece, but people are always the ones that seem to get sick. Why is that rarely, do you see the cranky, bitchy bastard li individuals actually.

Die young. Unless of course it's a spontaneous traumatic like car accident or something, but I'm talking about disease. Why is it that like the mean people seem to live longer lives and. Oh correction, you know, or, or no, no, I'll stick with that one. My brain's always thinking about all the possibilities, cause I am always thinking about other people's opinions and perspectives.

I'm not black and white, so I'm always like arguing in my head with, from multiple perspectives. Welcome to my crazy brain. The on. Big picture wise. It seemed to me growing up that everyone that I knew that had gotten really ill or died was just a really wonderful person. And I've really come to see that also through my, my personal experiences.

And then. Just from witnessing and observing people move through life. But also clinically as I've been trained and been able to intern under incredible practitioners and then in my own practice, observing my own clients. Wow. The nice women, the nice girls, the nice men, the nice boys are always the ones that are the.

Because disease is an it's dis ease. Right? I love that. I didn't come up with that, but I love that association where disease is dis ease. It's a lack of ease. It's a lack of that calm mode in the body that we've talked about a lot on this podcast that, that parasympathetic restore digest, detox, and balance.

Mode of the nervous system and we get stuck and that alarm mode, because we are not releasing, we are constantly in that heightened state of trying to please other people and say the right thing, do the right thing, be the right thing. We are not able to switch over to our calm mode of relaxing and just being our authentic selves are raw, messy, unfiltered just yeah poorly functioning selves.

And, and so it's. Tension. And it really, it keeps us in that nervous system state where we cannot heal. Right. We've talked about this. You can't be in both your alarm mode and your calm mode. You have to be your body chooses one. And so if you're constantly staying in that alarm mode, because you're feeling.

You know, whatever the source is, culturally relationally even just individual pressure to be this ideal person that everyone loves which always, always boils down to a fear, right? A fear of rejection a fear of being left out a fear of abandonment and a fear of, of, you know, losing love. Those things are that fear is what keeps you.

In that alarm state. Whereas if you acknowledge that that's a possibility, but that you're okay with it that allows your system to deregulate or excuse me, deescalate and come down and, and flip into that calm mode. So. You know, perfect science, where if you just say no to someone, you're immediately going to go into your calm mode.

In fact, when you first start coming out of being a nice person actually you, you can step into high over-activation often because it's similar to. Episode I released recently, whenever you step into healing, the body, you notice that your sensitivities tend to increase. It's exactly the same thing, because you are tuning back into what it is that you need.

And, and in this case, you're actually tuning into that deeper fear of rejection. Your. Allowing yourself to feel that emotion, to feel that fear. Whereas before you disassociated you disconnect and it was just like, whatever they say, I'll say, yes, that's easy, whatever they say, I'll just give, give, give I'll be because then I'm, I'm selfless, you know, and you bypass and label yourself with all these beautiful things.

It sounds so good on the surface when really what's happening is you're choosing to serve someone else and ignoring what it is you're called to do, which is face your. Right face your actual shit. And it's so much easier to serve others and to receive the praise and the accolades to be told that you're someone's favorite person to be told that you are the most giving and kind and generous person they've ever met and blah, blah, blah, or you're so mature or big one.

Oh my gosh. You're so informed. You're so smart. You're so. Accepting. Hmm. That's a good one. You're so accepting. You're so open. I just love that about you. And you know, a lot of that's like I'm all for emotional. Openness for mental flexibility for hearing diverse thoughts and all of that. But when people forced you to think one thing and, and when you agree with them, then they feel like you're open because they believe their perspective is open, whatever that is.

It's really just false. It's all bullshit. It's so important to acknowledge that your journey of coming out of niceness will not feel like you're stepping directly into healing. And your journey of remaining in alarm will not feel like you're stepping into disease because it's actually it'll feel like the opposite.

But it's really not. You've got to look under the surface and actually figure out what's going on here. And that takes time that takes. Ownership, which that is one thing my generation does not seem to want to actually, I take that back. I think human nature in general, because now they think about it.

It's just across the board. We're all avoiding ownership in our own little ways. Me included. I really would love to blame my parents for everything. I really would love to blame God for everything. I really would love to blame other people. My boss may whatever and say that, you know, oh my gosh, they all did this to me.

Right. I don't have any part in this. I'm just this poor little martyr, this little victim, and I have no control over my life. I don't even have control over my body. Only doctors tell me what I can do to my body. And there's this footage is disconnect from all of our own responsibility. And so coming out of niceness means facing.

Reality means facing the rawness of ownership, which, Ugh, it's so much, I love being a victim. Oh my gosh. It feels so good. And people around me when we, you know, talk about like, oh gosh, like, can you believe our parents were doing that? Blah, blah, blah. I love that. Some of my favorite things to do, and I always have to catch myself and admit that.

Yes. For example, if my parents yeah. I didn't you know, know how to handle me as a sensitive. And so they responded in this way, instead of saying like, they did this to me, I'm trying, and you can call me out. I'm trying to change my verbiage and say you know, I allowed that or I accepted that. So like, if my parents told me, Jesse, you're too dramatic.

You're a princess that was a big one. You know, you're the princess and the princess and the pea, and you're dramatic and you have such high needs and we don't know what to do with you. It's my decision to agree with them and accept it. Or my decision to say, I think that's actually your perception and you're projecting onto me because of your own, you know, journey through life.

And so. As a child, we've talked about this in previous episodes as a child, it's challenging, right? Because there is that subconscious absorption. But I do think you always have the choice, but it's really an adulthood that you have that conscious choice to say that no longer is correct. I will no longer choose to blame whether it's your parents or, you know, for me Christian culture or whatever it is, I can call it.

I can say, you know, I think that, you know, the culture I was raised in, I think that my parents didn't, you know, create an environment for me to be my whole healthy, authentic self. That doesn't mean that I think that they're responsible for my health going forward. I'm bummed. I would have loved to have a different situation, but you know what, they all did the best they could.

They're moving through their own journeys and they have their own shit to work through. And so I'm not going to get caught up. I'm going to instead say acknowledge it and maybe have conversations with people in those spaces, if they're open to it and they want to receive it and doing it with respect and honor.

But I'm also going to leave that and say, come back into myself and say, what is it that. Can do, what is it that I can control? What is it that I'm called to do? Who am I supposed to be? You know, w what did, what are the giftings God made me get, gave me, what are the things, the environments that he called me into.

And for me, that's healing like, hello, this is what I'm called to do. I'm, I'm called to help people heal. I'm called first and foremost to heal myself which is a journey. And then I'm secondly, called to share that with others. I want to encourage you to figure out what you're here to do what your giftings are and what that looks like translated into the life and the community you've been given.

And to do that with authenticity, not niceness And authenticity. Isn't the opposite of niceness. It's actually middle ground, right? There's niceness versus meanness. And I really think authenticity is that balance in between where you have the ability to express yourself and speak your mind and hold your ground.

But you don't. Lose yourself. Right. You don't give in and just say, oh, sure. Yeah, whatever it is you think I agree with that too. Whatever is it, you need I'll do that too. Your schedule is more important than mine. Oh, okay. You're right. I'll give up my time. I will choose to not feed myself in order to help you go through whatever it is that you're going through.

And I'll finish up. This is a long one. I'll finish up with saying I'm not here to say that, you know, any sort of Giving attitude or sacrifice or a nonprofit where things like that are, are not authentic. But I, before you step into those volunteer things before you say yes, I want you to make sure that your core responsibilities have been met.

So let's, let's talk through those really fast. Number one priority. And again, this is my opinion, my perspective, welcome to my podcast. Happy. If you want to agree to disagree, number one priority is your. God gave you your body. This God dropped your spirit, your soul, your mind, your heart into this specific body, whether you like it or not, it is your first priority period.

So once you've taken care of that, and I'm not talking about perfection, but I'm talking about basic needs. Like have you eaten today? Have you eaten what. Today have you slept have you had downtime as a sensitive, we have different needs than other people? Have you had a lone time? I like to say that I need, and I encourage people to have at least an hour of physical, alone time where you can control the environment, the noise, the aroma the texture of what you're wearing, the things around you and, and you're in a safe space for where you can actually decompress for.

And that's outside of sleep, by the way. Sleep does not count. You know, and, and there's, there's other needs that I'm probably not thinking of in this movement, a moment. Oh, movement, you know, have you had the opportunity to move? There's so many beautiful things and I, and I think within that you'll know what your core needs are too.

Right. Once those are met, then you can step out and look at okay. Who is my next priority. You know, if you're in a partnership, if you're in a, in a relationship that is your next priority. Absolutely. And then after that, I would say if you have children, you know, they would come after that partner, that relationship.

And then outside of that is what I call your inner circle. And I use this, this term for the handful of people that just get you. Absolutely get you. You can say anything to them. They can say anything to you. You guys remain in that calm, safe mode. You don't over activate each other. You give each other life.

Or if you do over activity, each other, you can do it in a respectful manner and hold your ground. And usually this inner circle are people that are very similar to you. So they're probably definitely sensitive like you introverted potentially. Definitely empathic. And, and if not, if they're not those things, then they're very respectful of those attributes of you have those innate giftings of you and they do not in any way.

Force you to repress or to, to mold to be something different. Okay. That's your inner circle. And for us highly sensitive, our inner circles are usually quite small. It might be one person, but maybe it goes up to five or six people. Those are, you know, the next layer of priority. Then after that would be.

All the other people that have been intentionally put into your life, whether it's, you know, extended family or in-laws friends, work, people, just the people you spend your life around, right. That's your next level of priority. And outside of that comes, I, you know, the world, like who else you want to invite in?

So if you're thinking about that channel, like those layers. Where you arrive to a volunteer for something, a lot of boxes need to be checked and you have more boxes than someone that is maybe not as highly sensitive because your calling and your giftings and your purpose on this earth is a bit different.

So it's very important that you make sure those boxes are. And again, perfection is not the goal. It's simply saying yes, I have cared for myself to my basic needs, not extravagant, but my basic needs. And I am first giving my time, my energy, my mental space, my giftings to my, my level of priorities, my partner, my kids, my, my inner circle and, and those in my community.

And then those outside of my community, you know, when I have the margin and the energy. I absolutely would love to give and, and, and provide and you know, all these different things. So that is personally how I live my life. And the reason I live that way is because I personally truly believe that if we all live that way, a lot of the shit that's going down in this world would be absolutely.

Absolutely resolved if everyone took ownership for their own body first and foremost, and then moved on from there, we would see a huge transformation of the entire world. And we wouldn't have a lot of the issues we have that people use as excuses for stepping out of their own responsibilities. And I honestly, this might be no, this is going to be a very racy comment.

I believe that my current generation millennials have a problem. They have a problem with disassociating and disconnecting from their bodies, from their primary responsibility in order to quote unquote, serve others in order to stand up for others in order to be that social justice warrior, which, I mean, I, I love the concept, but the actual application of how it's done is absolute bull shit.

I'm using that word a lot today. Bull shit. Because if you are not taking care of yourself, you are totally bypassing, which is another funny thing is that our culture, our, excuse me, our generation loves to like call out stuff like bypassing. In fact, that's one of their favorite words right now. Our favorite words.

And, and get there. So we're, we're living it, you know, we're just doing it differently than our parents. And it looks good. So I just want to encourage, especially if that's you and I'm probably triggering you and move through that as you need to. If you are working for a nonprofit, if you are spending a lot of your time volunteering in spaces thank you for that work, but please, please make sure that you are checking your primary responsibilities.

First take ownership of your own life first. And then I, it's not just people that are non-profits that are volunteering, that are giving their time. That way. It's also, for those of us that have, you know, we're surrounded by a lot of really potentially narcissistic or, or nonsense. Not that those are the same by the way, but people that are on the lower sensitivity scale and, and don't, you know, don't know how to.

To manage us in a way they don't know how to interact with us. They don't know how to respect our boundaries cause they don't understand them. We may also have that same issue where we tend to just give up on our personal needs because we don't want to have the over-activated conversation. Right.

Which is what this whole podcast was about. I want to just encourage blanket all of us sensitives to take on ownership and to really claim who we are and our first responsibility. And then from there, step out with true goodness, true love full energy. Could you imagine if you actually. A moved and cared for your loved ones and then reached out to people from that space, how much more giving and loving and kind, and balanced and healthy you would be and what you could do with that, that person that you could become.

Oh my gosh. I just way more of an impact than the overrun drains, you know, half, half brains, individual that is just absolutely exhausted. Could do for whatever the causes, right. So I just, I just preached guys and I preach from a place of love, a place of humility because this. I'm preaching at myself here, honestly.

And reconvince myself that niceness is not the answer that respecting the body that I've been given divinely, given an honoring it with my attention, with my respect of space, with nourishment, with all the things that with experiencing my personal emotions with experiencing the intense Sensations that aren't innate to me as a sensitive to move through all of that so that I can be all that I am called to be all that I'm here to be and not waste this beautiful life that I've been given.

And, and be my whole. Authentic healthy self. So that's it. I will stop here. Do you like how I make promises that I'm just going to say a little bit more and then I keep going, sorry. I am have so much to say on so many things and that's why I have a podcast. But I am so honored that you're here so honored that you've tuned in and that if you made it to the end of this, that you are.

Clearly a big fan or honestly have been on a similar journey and can relate. So I send you so much love wherever you are and am here. If you ever want to share your experience or talk through it. You're welcome to hop into my DMS on Instagram. You're welcome to email me at jessi@meurfleurwellness.com.

I have links below in the show notes, and if there are things around this topic that you would like me to discuss more. Please reach out. I'd love to hear. But until next time, may you honor who you're meant to be, and may you feel free to say, fuck it. I'm no longer nice.

To connect further, visit my practice website, merfleurwellness.com M E R F L E U R wellness or pop over to Instagram and find me under the handles @merfleurwellness or @authenticcalm. I'll see you soon.

To live authentically, rediscover your natural self, and restore your health as a Sensitive, peruse the resources below: